Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Ricky Martin is my homeboy

Another new week comes with another bullet list of pointless entertainment.

-I think I might have narcolepsy. Every 5 minutes my eyes are rolling to the back of my head wanting to escape to dreamland only to be jolted back to consciousness when my head bobs. It's a vicious cycle. I'd rather get caught picking my nose or scratching my boob at the front desk than seen passed out in my glory on my keyboard. The space heater and expired Dr. Pepper probably aren't helping my situation much. Oh, and the fact that I'm averaging 5-6 hours of sleep a night. Awesome.

-The other day Shawn and I were at Wal Mart. We were trying to find a present suited for my sister's friend... So naturally I go straight to the toy section, only to quickly realize that said friend is in 7th grade and probably doesn't need/want what the toy section has to offer. I'm awful at shopping. She ended up with a "Friendship Bracelet Kit". Every 7th grade girl's dream, right? Anyways... we were in the Play-Doh section and I told Shawn that we should play with Play-Doh some day. Because Shawn is awesome, he found the cheapest Play-Doh there was and threw it in the basket. Later I decided that we should make a CLAYMATION movie. Because, why the heck not? Observe....

So with the help of Cam, Katie, Darin, myself, and Shawn (who put the movie together)... We got this...

I personally think we should make a series - maybe with less dying.

-Shawn and I found 50 cent jellies at Wal Mart. They were possibly the ugliest looking things I've ever seen. They looked like a some sort of twisted version of a shoe insert. (I sincerely wish I had a photo for your viewing pleasure, but alas.) Shawn wanted to buy and wear them, because "THEY'RE 50 CENTS!!!" Unfortunately for him, they didn't have his size. Next time Shawn.

-I need a new purse. Okay, I want a new purse. Because the 900 I already have are apparently not good enough. The one I'm currently using is white. Note to self: never ever ever purchase a WHITE purse. I'm not OCD enough to keep a white purse white. It's starting to turn gray. Gross much? Where does one find a cute, inexpensive, non-white purse?

-The man and I went on another date this past weekend. To a BEES game. I hadn't been to a Bees game in aaaaaages. So I was looking forward to it. We went to The Pie first with Cameron and his date, Sara, to eat some PIZZA.

Hawaiian and Pepperoni pizza. Mmmm.

Say it with me: dur dee duuuuuuur

It was that exciting.

I was in one of those really peppy, I'm-going-to-say-whatever-the-hell-I-want moods. Note how UNamused Shawn is....

Needless to say this got me into trouble with the man. Apparently I was too mean...

Poor Shawn. Bless his heart for listening to my bitching and moaning... all. the. time.

Anyhizzle... We finally got to the Bees game where Darin, Scott and their dates were... Sitting in the chairs. PASS. Luckily Shawn knows me better than to think I'm going to sit in a chair for a whole baseball game, so he brought a blanket so we could go sit and be attention deficit on the grass with all the 5 year olds. Exhibit A of how UNinterested I was in the game at this point...

Anyways... Once upon a time Shawn bought $1 dollar Elmo kites at non other but Wal Mart. He brought said kites to the game and we went over and flew them behind the scoreboard...

As you can tell, I was BEYOND thrilled to be flying a kite. I sound like a 7 year old. The excitement was short-lived when two nice security men told us to "Cease and desist" our kite flying, because if we were flying kites, then EVERYONE would fly kites. Can you imagine the absolute CHAOS that would ensue from kite flying. Hug a security man - we'd be toast without them. (But in all seriousness, they were actually really nice men... We didn't get hauled off to time-out or anything.)

11 friggin innings and a Bees Victory later there were fireworks. They were actually a lot better than I had anticipated. So good, that I got teary eyed. What in the hell?! Teary eyed at FIREWORKS! God help my birth controlled soul.

That was one hell of a long bullet. Sorry folks. Next. (Because no, I am clearly not finished.)

-Yesterday my dad ordered chinese food and was told it would be ready to pick up @ 7:00pm. My dad asked if I'd go pick it up, and because I'm awesome, I obliged. I go into "Golden Aisle" - which according to Shawn was named THE dirtiest restaurant in Utah 4 years ago *gag* - and tell them I'm there to pick up an order for Clark Chamberlain.

Asian: Cark???
Me: Yes, Clark.
Asian: You si down ri ova theya
Me: Ok

So I'm sitting... And waiting... With two people that were apparently in front of me... Who have been waiting for heaven only knows how long. 10 minutes goes past and the Asian comes out with food - for Mike, the man who has been standing there for 30 minutes. Oh hell. If it takes that long for me to get my food there might be one less Asian in the world after tonight. 20 minutes goes by and she brings out the next lady's food and disappears again. 25 minutes goes by and the phone rings, the same Asian lady comes bustling back in from who knows where to answer, says a series of "Okay's" and then tells the customer on the other line that, "Foo be ready in forty fi hour." Hours? Maybe that's why my food was taking so long. 30 minutes later she comes out with a gigantic box of chinese food. And if it wasn't for "Cark" I was going to kill a fish in the repulsive smelly fish tank I had been sitting next to for the last half hour. Luckily for the fish, the food was mine. The Asian didn't apologize for the 30 hour, I mean minute, wait, she took my money, gave me my damn chinese, and ran back into wherever she kept running off too. Needless to say, irritibility ensued for the rest of thet night with a dash of racist comments. Don't get me wrong - there's awesome Asians in the world - but the ones that don't know Engrish or customer service skills need to get out of my country.

-I don't know how girls swim in bikinis. I can barely keep my tankini from falling off my body. This annoys me to no end, and makes for awkwardness when the boys decide they want to rough house in the pool and I have to scream "MY BOTTOMS ARE COMING OFF! LET ME GO!" Though, this is an extremely effective way to get them to leave me alone, even if my swim suit is fully in tact.

-Speaking of rough housing in pools. It terrifies me. I love that I was born into an extended family of swimmers. All of them. Except my family. We all dance, sing, and do drama. So when people think it's hilarious to take me to the deep end and dunk me, I panic inside, and maybe pee a little bit. I can swim... ish. Just not incredibly well. I'm not even amazing at treading water. I'm 21 years old and still have to play "Itsy bitsy spider" around the edge of the pool. Practice makes perfect, and doing what scares me makes the fear go away....... right?

-Still watching Gossip Girl. Still loving it. Kind of.

-Still dreading my date with death in Bryce Canyon. Though figured out that if I can run a 13 minute mile constantly, for 13 whole miles... I can cross the finish line before the race is officially over.

-Shawn and I took our first kissy picture. It was actually kinda fun. Normally I judge people that post gross pictures like these. Let alone talk about taking the pictures. But check it out...

My incredible armpit aside... greOW. That's how I roll. ;)

-I'm actually quite content with my life at the time being. It may be hard to gather from my overly caustic and cynical posts. But I'm happy with my life. I've got a good family, somewhere to live, food to eat, a sanitary place to poop, and good friends. Just livin la vida loca. Thank YOU Ricky Martin.



  1. can i respond in bullets? would that be fun? okay.

    -your after-the-fight video was hilarious. now i just want to know what the fight was about. but you probably shouldn't tell me because shawn would hate that.

    -the people-watching video was so funny too. "person abuse..." haha!

    -if you guys fly kites at a bees game, you must be cool. even though i already knew that.

    -your claymation video on fb is so awesome. incredible. jonathan and i were very impressed and amused.

    -jasmine chinese food is bettah. and they feel really bad when you have to wait. actually, the food's usually ready in 5-10 min!

    -sorry about your bc hormonal issues.

    -the kissing picture is hot.

    the end

  2. So Chels. I'm learning so much about you. You know, you sit at grandmas all quiet and you're a friggin firecracker!
    I'm glad you're having so much action - that may lend a clue to your narcolepsy problem. Just a thought.
    I loved the claymation. That was just awesome.

  3. I need a new purse too. And yes, the inexpensive, cute kind that is black would be preferable. I had a white purse too once upon a time and it quickly turned icky grey and was impossible to keep white. So, if you find a good place, let me know and vice versa!

  4. I love you and that pretty much covers it.