Tuesday, July 28, 2009

You'd Be Annoyed Too

I'm annoyed. For absolutely no good reasons at all. Observe:

-I find myself looking at the Spanx website.
-I don't have insurance - I do not have $300 to pay the bajingo doctor and the dentist.
-I can't keep my room clean.
-The vending machine in the basement won't take my damn quarters. I just want some mother loving STARBURSTS!
-Ever since the half marathon, the arch on my foot is driving me crazy.
-I hate the gym - but feel it necessary to go because of my weight.
-Speaking of my weight - I'm at the top end scale of my BMI - granted it's still healthy, but hell, what if I want some Starbursts every once in a while? OH WAIT! The cursed vending machine took care of that for me.
-I'm not athletic - nor will I ever be.
-Listening to people complain all. the. time. is annoying.
-I just complained about people that complain.
-The eczema on my arms refuses to go away.
-It's Tuesday.

Perhaps Wednesday will bring some pleasantries.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

13.1 Miles Later...

So I know you're all just dying to know about the adventures of Bryce Canyon. So let me just give you a little chronological run down of events.

-Day before we are supposed to leave, Katie gets kidney stones. She's puked a good 10 times and will clearly not be attending Bryce with us. So, because all our other friends apparently had better things to do, this left Shawn and I alone. We would've just gone, except I think our families think we would've had crazy sex all weekend long or something. So after trying virtually everyone that we'd be able to stand coming with us, my mom suggests that my whole family (minus Christian and Alyssa who were on Pioneer Trek) come with Shawn and I. They were so excited to come... that they even rented a van.

-After having about 784 mental breakdowns... I I finally composed myself enough to get in the van and start our 4 hour journey to Bryce. (We tacked on a good hour to said journey because my GPS challenged father didn't understand what Maggie (my GPS) was telling him... He'd get off the freeway at totally random exits "because Maggie TOLD HIM TO!" I'm surprised Maggie lasted the entire trip without getting hucked out a window.)

1. Shawn looks like he's handicapped at random intervals in this clip. 2. My bangs look all sorts of special at the end. 3. I'm not real sure why it goes all dark at the end. Deal.

-Shawn + Chelsea + Back seat = 5 hours of snuggling. Or, if you're my 8 year old sister, 5 hours of "love making".

I don't know how much more creepily excited a person can get.

Hooray for backseat "love making".

-After lots of sleeping, U-turns, and drool we got to Cannonville where we had to pick up our shirts and numbers. Note: We were driving on the exact route that we would be running in t-8 hours and I'm completely nervous... and mentally preparing myself to soon leave my mortal life behind.

-It's almost 10pm, and we haven't eaten any dinner at this point. So we go to this buffet restaurant that's FULL of people all sorts of accents. The buffet was 18 fricking dollars... So I just went for the Cowboy Pasta... Had sausage in it.... Mmmm.... Saaaausage. Anyways... It was good. Got my carbs.

-We then went to our hotel room. We stayed at Ruby's Inn. Nice enough hotel. Two beds - 4 adults - 2 children. Go ahead and take a guess at the sleeping arrangements. My dad wouldn't have any of Arianne sleeping in between Shawn and I... So naturally he made the arrangements of him and Shawn in a bed, my mom and I in the other, and my sisters on the floor. It's moments like these where I seem to believe that marriage is grand.

-We're all laying in the dark, and my mom deci
des she has all sorts of energy. The fact that I was trying to sleep because I had to be up in 5 hours aside, it was amusing. She turned on some little fan that she takes everywhere with her and stuck it in my face...

Me: I don't want that in my face!
Mom: *Uncontrollable laughter*
Me: ...
Mom: *More uncontrollable laughter*
Me: What on earth is so funny?
Mom: *Trying to contain herself*... "That's what SHE SAID!"

Apparently her children are rubbing off on her. Bwahaha.

-We wake up at the butt crack of dawn: 5:20am
. I'm paranoid because my running outfit totally doesn't match. You can imagine that I got made fun of for that one.

Note how ridiculously short and white Shawn makes me look.

Did I mention how bloody cold it was outside?!

-Shawn and I jog over to where the race is starting and find Kelc and company. While we're waiting for the dreaded gunshot I all of a sudden get this GIGANTIC urge to relieve my waters. I had just gone not 15 minutes ago! WTF? This is what happens when I get nervous... I have to pee. Weird? I think so. So now not only am I nervous that I'm going to die, I'm nervous that I might die in a puddle of my own urine. (Okay I'm being a bit dramatic... There were like 9 porta potties along the way.... But still.)

-6:00am... the gun shot goes off and everyone starts running. Shawn and I stayed together for, oh, 15 seconds. But take a second look at those legs of his... And now you understand why I told him to just go ahead of me. I'da been dead and gone at mile 3 if I had kept up with him.

-The first 3 miles went by fairly quick - quick for me, at least. After that... 13 miles seemed like an eternity away. All I was looking for was the orange flags that marked the next mile. They most certainly didn't come as fast as I would've hoped. The beginning of the race was super downhill, which actually made it a whole lot easier.

My world got just a smidgen better whenever I saw one of these.

-There was a moment rounding the mountain when the sun was rising... It was really beautiful. In fact, all the scenery was incredible. It's a shame that I was too focused on staying alive to enjoy it more.

The sun had already risen by this point... obviously.

-Mile 6: I did something funky to my ankle - and it did not feel pleasant.

-Mile 9: I got a blister.

-Mile 9.5: I about had 3 mental breakdowns.

-Mile 10: My parents drove by cheering... I gave them a half assed smile and did my best to not start bawling. I was hurting. A lot.

Chugging along - Note the red face and the dire attempts to not start crying

-Mile 12: I was walking by this point. A few random jogs. But I was toast.

-Mile 12.5: I see my lover walking towards me. Almost start crying again because if I run, I'll die.

-Mile 12.7: My lover makes me run because we are "almost there". That last stretch may have been one of the hardest stretches of the entire race. My legs were on fire.

Note how not thrilled I look.

-I finally reached where my family was standing and my sisters and mom started running with me and Shawn. It was super awesome!

Not the best picture - but you get the idea.

-Then I saw this and had to fight the tears... again...

-I finished about 10 minutes before the race was going to officially end. I was not running to get a good time. I was running to finish. And I did. People who didn't finish had to ride the van of shame, as I liked to refer to it as. And I'd be damned if I had to ride in that thing.

-I got my little "Finisher" medal (which, by the way, is the first medal I've ever received in my life) and a flyer for another run. PAH! Good one.

-Shawn had finished a good solid hour and a half before me. In't he cuuuute? :)

-I don't even think I need to describe how I felt when I was done. I may as well have been road kill. Observe...

-But we both finished! And I couldn't be more pleased.

-We went back to the hotel and napped, swam, and showered. Neither Shawn or I could walk like normal people. We limped. Everywhere.

-We went to a scenic overlook and took some peechers.

After this picture was taken the 8 year old says, "Hey Chels! We only have two names now, but soon we'll have THREE! Chamberlain, Heaton and MILNE!" Ah, young hearts.

-Then it was on the road again to go HOME. Shawn and I were beat, the thought of any more adventures kind of made our legs hurt... Except for one last adventure... to THE BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAIN. Which, might I add, was rather disappointing. But nevertheless, was also on my to-do before I die list. :)

All in all I'm glad we made the trip. It was hard... And I couldn't walk for days afterwards... But it was on my to-do before I die list... And I did it. I'm proud of myself and Shawn. I'd do it again with more training... But I hardly feel like even thinking about it at this point. :)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

My Autobiography... @ Blogspot.com?

I was reading a talk by President Spencer W. Kimball on journals... Observe:

"...You should continue on in this important work of recording the things you do, the things you say, the things you think, to be in accordance with the instructions of the Lord. Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available.

Your private journal should record the way you face up to challenges that beset you. Do not suppose life changes so much that your experiences will not be interesting to your posterity. Experiences of work, relations with people, and an awareness of the rightness and wrongness of actions will always be relevant. Your journal, like most others, will tell of problems as old as the world and how you dealt with them.

Your journal should contain your true self rather than a picture of you when you are “made up” for a public performance. There is a temptation to paint one’s virtues in rich color and whitewash the vices, but there is also the opposite pitfall of accentuating the negative. Personally I have little respect for anyone who delves into the ugly phases of the life he is portraying, whether it be his own or another’s. The truth should be told, but we should not emphasize the negative. Even a long life full of inspiring experiences can be brought to the dust by one ugly story. Why dwell on that one ugly truth about someone whose life has been largely circumspect?

Your journal is your autobiography, so it should be kept carefully. You are unique, and there may be incidents in your experience that are more noble and praiseworthy in their way than those recorded in any other life.

What could you do better for your children and your children’s children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved? Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity.

We hope you will begin as of this date. If you have not already commenced this important duty in your lives, get a good notebook, a good book that will last through time and into eternity for the angels to look upon. Begin today and write in it your goings and your comings, your deeper thoughts, your achievements, and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. We hope you will do this, our brothers and sisters, for this is what the Lord has commanded, and those who keep a personal journal are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance in their daily lives."


I have only one question...

Does blogging count?

Monday, July 13, 2009

Toilet Crackers

So this post won't have anything particularly awe-inspiring in it. But due to numerous requests for an update... Here am I.

-The half marathon is this weekend. Am I ready? Nope. Is it a little late for me to start worrying how not ready I am? Yep. As long as I can keep a 12 minute or less mile the whole time I should finish. Otherwise, they're going to open back up the streets and I'll still be running, panting, and probably losing control of my bowels with the flow of traffic. How's that for a weekend away? Based on the assumption that I do, in fact, survive 3 hours of hell... we might go horseback riding sometime afterward. Fun. I've been horseback riding once several years back. Though it was more of maybe a 30 foot trot until it started hailing... and my horse freaked out. Turns out horses don't like hail. And thus ended my 5 minute horseback riding adventure. Hopefully mother nature decides not to grace Bryce Canyon with hail for whatever reason.
-I want a puppy. So much. I'm not sure what kind exactly. But I rather fancy WOLF puppies. I don't know what they're called really. I just know that they're dogs that look like wolves... and they are beautiful animals. I saw some wolf puppies on KSL... they were 900 dollars. WTF? Gosh. Why are puppies so expensive? Maybe I'm in the wrong career path... I should be a dog breeder. Not.

-My hair lady moved to effing Canada. WTF? I hate changing hair people. In fact, I hate change period.

-So I thought it would be simply genius for me to bring some low calorie snacks to work for when I get the munchies... Because turns out it happens a lot. Bad idea. When I'm bored, I eat. If you've ready my other posts, you'll know how not-exciting my job can be. Heir go, I'm bored at work, I eat at work. So because I've got my munchies to my right... I continue to eat them, not because I'm necessarily hungry, but because I've got nothing better to do. Ironic how I complain about feeling fat, right? Oh... And I just discovered that there is a vending machine in the basement. So now even if I don't have food in my drawer, I know it's just .75 cents and a trip to the basement away. This could be so good, and so awful, all in the same breath.

-I've always thought people that use the phrase, "eff" or "h" are incompetent retards. Though I find myself saying it more and more... and this makes my heart frown. I guess there are worse things, right?

-I love One Tree Hill. Especially when Chad Michael Murray isn't growing a mullet during the seasons. I've pretty much become a homebody until I catch up to season 7. <-- Definition of cool. Observe the awful hair. -School is frustrating me. Trying to get a stupid degree and work full time makes for one hell of a time.

-So I always tell you about dates with the boyfriend. So here's one... He went to Mexico for a week and the night he came home we decided I was going to make him some dinner. This may or may not have been to prove that, while limited, I do have some culinary skills. My dad suggested I make this chicken with cheese in the middle and wrapped in bacon. He had me at bacon. I could've wrapped an old shoe in bacon and it would've tasted good, let's be honest. Anyways... So I made that, some zuchini and red peppers, and red potatoes. Turns out I left the Fried zuchini sitting in the pan for too long, so they were total mush. The potatoes were.... not quite what I expected them to be, but still okay. The chicken was a little too spiced for my tastes, but was decent enough. My favorite part was watching Shawn eat the zuchini and pretent like there was totally nothing wrong with it. Bless his heart. Then I made some apple cobbler stuff. That actually probably turned out the best in my opinion... This was all the help with my dad. Anywho... Shawn had handed me 3 roses when he got to my house and 3 roses while we were eating. Then he got me a pretty necklace from mexico. And then he drove us up Big Cottonwood and we went on a fun little boardwalk thinger around some reservoir/lake/pond thing. Then we went to his house and colored those big fuzzy posters that you do when you're like, 11. And gave me more roses. So it was fun. Though those posters are tiring if you're a perfectionist like myself. I put way more colors into it than I needed to. In my defense, they only come with 4 damn markers. WTF? Anyways... Then I think we watched a movie, though I don't remember which one. Then when I got home there was this huge frame of pictures of him and I, and tickets of shows we've gone to, and mean stickers we've given each other, and a penny I gave him when I first met him and told him to keep it forever, and lyrics to "our song" (When You Love Someone by Bryan Adams = first song we danced to = cheesy = I don't care what you think.) all around it. I realize that was a huge run-on sentence, but nevertheless, it was sitting on my bed with MORE roses when I got home... And I thought it was just so adorable. He's the best. The end. :)

-I'm going to Harry Potter at midnight tomorrow. Ask me if I've even seen the 5th one yet.

-I went to a Boys Like Girls concert at The Avalon theater with Shawn. That is the most retarded venue ever. The lead singer comes out and was like, "Uh guys... This is like half venue, half church. What the hell?" They had a really crap crowd. They stopped one of their songs like 3 times to tell the "moshers" to get with it, because they sucked and weren't doing anything. Mental note: kids in junior high don't know how to mosh for more than 10 seconds. The two bands that opened for them were super young... and super fruity. So naturally all the 13 year olds were screaming like little girls.... oh... wait... Anyways Shawn and I got a SUPER awesome parking spot right next to the building. And it was so abundantly clear how that happened... 80% of the audience couldn't even drive. Yeah for tween concerts. Sorry for the lack of visual enhancements. MY BAD.

-I found this focus group thinger on Craigslist about Women's Health... So I signed up, participated, and totally got 75 bucks. Boo-ya beeches.

-I need to go to the temple more. And read my scriptures more. And pray more. And get more sleep. And exercise more. And like it. And keep my room more clean. Fail.

-Did I mention I'm going to die this weekend?

-Um... Special K crackers taste like a toilet. Hell, give me Wheat Thins and the extra 40 calories - cause whatever it is I continue to feed myself out of this box is disgusting. That's what I get when I try to be "healthy". Special K chocolate covered pretzels on the other hand = muy bueno. 100 calories of muy bueno.

Just say no.

-Did I mention at all before that I'm going to teach myself how to sew? I decided that like, oh, 2 weeks ago. Have I done anything about it? Not so much. How's that for goal-setting?

Okay guys, I really don't have anything right now. Stay tuned for when I have something better than toilet crackers and zuchini mush to talk about.