Monday, July 13, 2009

Toilet Crackers

So this post won't have anything particularly awe-inspiring in it. But due to numerous requests for an update... Here am I.

-The half marathon is this weekend. Am I ready? Nope. Is it a little late for me to start worrying how not ready I am? Yep. As long as I can keep a 12 minute or less mile the whole time I should finish. Otherwise, they're going to open back up the streets and I'll still be running, panting, and probably losing control of my bowels with the flow of traffic. How's that for a weekend away? Based on the assumption that I do, in fact, survive 3 hours of hell... we might go horseback riding sometime afterward. Fun. I've been horseback riding once several years back. Though it was more of maybe a 30 foot trot until it started hailing... and my horse freaked out. Turns out horses don't like hail. And thus ended my 5 minute horseback riding adventure. Hopefully mother nature decides not to grace Bryce Canyon with hail for whatever reason.
-I want a puppy. So much. I'm not sure what kind exactly. But I rather fancy WOLF puppies. I don't know what they're called really. I just know that they're dogs that look like wolves... and they are beautiful animals. I saw some wolf puppies on KSL... they were 900 dollars. WTF? Gosh. Why are puppies so expensive? Maybe I'm in the wrong career path... I should be a dog breeder. Not.

-My hair lady moved to effing Canada. WTF? I hate changing hair people. In fact, I hate change period.

-So I thought it would be simply genius for me to bring some low calorie snacks to work for when I get the munchies... Because turns out it happens a lot. Bad idea. When I'm bored, I eat. If you've ready my other posts, you'll know how not-exciting my job can be. Heir go, I'm bored at work, I eat at work. So because I've got my munchies to my right... I continue to eat them, not because I'm necessarily hungry, but because I've got nothing better to do. Ironic how I complain about feeling fat, right? Oh... And I just discovered that there is a vending machine in the basement. So now even if I don't have food in my drawer, I know it's just .75 cents and a trip to the basement away. This could be so good, and so awful, all in the same breath.

-I've always thought people that use the phrase, "eff" or "h" are incompetent retards. Though I find myself saying it more and more... and this makes my heart frown. I guess there are worse things, right?

-I love One Tree Hill. Especially when Chad Michael Murray isn't growing a mullet during the seasons. I've pretty much become a homebody until I catch up to season 7. <-- Definition of cool. Observe the awful hair. -School is frustrating me. Trying to get a stupid degree and work full time makes for one hell of a time.

-So I always tell you about dates with the boyfriend. So here's one... He went to Mexico for a week and the night he came home we decided I was going to make him some dinner. This may or may not have been to prove that, while limited, I do have some culinary skills. My dad suggested I make this chicken with cheese in the middle and wrapped in bacon. He had me at bacon. I could've wrapped an old shoe in bacon and it would've tasted good, let's be honest. Anyways... So I made that, some zuchini and red peppers, and red potatoes. Turns out I left the Fried zuchini sitting in the pan for too long, so they were total mush. The potatoes were.... not quite what I expected them to be, but still okay. The chicken was a little too spiced for my tastes, but was decent enough. My favorite part was watching Shawn eat the zuchini and pretent like there was totally nothing wrong with it. Bless his heart. Then I made some apple cobbler stuff. That actually probably turned out the best in my opinion... This was all the help with my dad. Anywho... Shawn had handed me 3 roses when he got to my house and 3 roses while we were eating. Then he got me a pretty necklace from mexico. And then he drove us up Big Cottonwood and we went on a fun little boardwalk thinger around some reservoir/lake/pond thing. Then we went to his house and colored those big fuzzy posters that you do when you're like, 11. And gave me more roses. So it was fun. Though those posters are tiring if you're a perfectionist like myself. I put way more colors into it than I needed to. In my defense, they only come with 4 damn markers. WTF? Anyways... Then I think we watched a movie, though I don't remember which one. Then when I got home there was this huge frame of pictures of him and I, and tickets of shows we've gone to, and mean stickers we've given each other, and a penny I gave him when I first met him and told him to keep it forever, and lyrics to "our song" (When You Love Someone by Bryan Adams = first song we danced to = cheesy = I don't care what you think.) all around it. I realize that was a huge run-on sentence, but nevertheless, it was sitting on my bed with MORE roses when I got home... And I thought it was just so adorable. He's the best. The end. :)

-I'm going to Harry Potter at midnight tomorrow. Ask me if I've even seen the 5th one yet.

-I went to a Boys Like Girls concert at The Avalon theater with Shawn. That is the most retarded venue ever. The lead singer comes out and was like, "Uh guys... This is like half venue, half church. What the hell?" They had a really crap crowd. They stopped one of their songs like 3 times to tell the "moshers" to get with it, because they sucked and weren't doing anything. Mental note: kids in junior high don't know how to mosh for more than 10 seconds. The two bands that opened for them were super young... and super fruity. So naturally all the 13 year olds were screaming like little girls.... oh... wait... Anyways Shawn and I got a SUPER awesome parking spot right next to the building. And it was so abundantly clear how that happened... 80% of the audience couldn't even drive. Yeah for tween concerts. Sorry for the lack of visual enhancements. MY BAD.

-I found this focus group thinger on Craigslist about Women's Health... So I signed up, participated, and totally got 75 bucks. Boo-ya beeches.

-I need to go to the temple more. And read my scriptures more. And pray more. And get more sleep. And exercise more. And like it. And keep my room more clean. Fail.

-Did I mention I'm going to die this weekend?

-Um... Special K crackers taste like a toilet. Hell, give me Wheat Thins and the extra 40 calories - cause whatever it is I continue to feed myself out of this box is disgusting. That's what I get when I try to be "healthy". Special K chocolate covered pretzels on the other hand = muy bueno. 100 calories of muy bueno.

Just say no.

-Did I mention at all before that I'm going to teach myself how to sew? I decided that like, oh, 2 weeks ago. Have I done anything about it? Not so much. How's that for goal-setting?

Okay guys, I really don't have anything right now. Stay tuned for when I have something better than toilet crackers and zuchini mush to talk about.


  1. Gracias for another funny post!

    When you were describing your awesome romantic date and you got to the part where you get home and there's that pig picture thingy... I totally thought you were going to say that he proposed. And my heart got all beat-y fast.

    I also want a dog really really badly. Mastiff. They cost $2000...

    You're cool. Good luck this weekend!

  2. uh... BIG picture. not PIG picture.

  3. Comment 1: I think I tell Bob daily...more like hourly that I want a Golden Retriever...too bad we can't have one where we're currently living. Sad day :(

    Comment 2: I was snacking on raisins while reading your post at work. My job also induces continual snacking.

    Comment 3: When I made Bob dinner a couple weeks ago, I cut the chicken in the pan, which is bad for the teflon. Oops. When Bob got home, the first thing he said was, "You destroyed the pan!" And I felt sad. Be thankful that Shawn pretended to like your food. They become honest after you marry them...

  4. You will totally not lose control of your bowels. I think. But given our experience at the Wasatch Back, you may want to take along some Immodium, ya know, just in case. And don't eat Pringles and cherry nibs in the car on the way down.
    Good luck!