Friday, June 19, 2009

May the Force be With You

Here we go again:

-Virtually my entire family is running the Wasatch Back this weekend... I offer The Force in their behalf.

-I've been awful at running lately. Here Shawn is busting out 9 miles in one hour and I am lucky to finish 4 in the same amount of time. I'm actually really starting to get paranoid that I won't finish in time - or at all. Oh well. I signed up... at least. Yesterday I decided I wasn't too tired to go run around the track at Murray High 900 times. But alas, I couldn't find one of my shoes. Anywhere. My room was even clean. Of all the days I decide to get off my ass and run... I can't find my stupid shoe. So between that and my period starting the same day with awesome cramps... I start having a meltdown because I can't find my shoe. Shawn calls, and doesn't hardly know what to do with himself when I'm on the other end brimming in tears because I feel fat, hate cramps, and can't find my damn shoe. I never did find my shoe. I ended up on my mom's bed in fetal position asleep. Probably a sign from the Gods that I should give up running and pick up a new endeavor - that doesn't make me want to die.
-I love Kohl's. It's scary close to being my number one favorite store ever. (Sorry Target.) They've got cute stuff, and awesome prices. Shawn and I have gone twice in the last week, because we rock. I got myself a much needed bra. And Shawn bought me a new purse because he rocks - and I got him some good lookin' shirts. We're cool and shop for each other. I'm sure the cashier was all sorts of confused when I handed her dude shirts and he handed her a purse. We're that cool. I plan on a glorified return on the 24th when (word has it) there will be another pretty sweet sale.

-Last weekend we more or less got kicked out of the Redwood Drive Inn. Turns out they don't appreciate people who switch theaters for the second movie. Understandably so... I guess. The first guy asked to see our tickets, and assured us he didn't care if we came from a different theater, he just wanted proof that we paid to get in. So as I'm showing him our tickets, some other man with his panties up his ass comes over and starts screaming at us to get back to our own theater or we're going to get kicked off the property. So we go through again, listen to some B.S. about auditing and then have all the guys are walkie talkie-ing with each other to "watch the white truck". Retarded. So we left. Those peoples just need to CHILL and learn how to tactfully take care of rule breakers. Sheesh.

-It's slowly occuring to me just how competitive I am. Go ahead. Try beating my score on Farkle on Facebook. You'll see.

-Not a fan of Wingers. I had their "Sticky Finger Quesadilla" and was rather disappointed. Granted, I had no idea what to expect... but it was certainly more than the tortilla with halved pieces of tiny chicken and lettuce that I got. Though, in their defense, their free birthday dessert wasn't all that bad.

-I think rain is one of the best things ever. However, I need it to be Summer now.

-I feel like I'm getting fatter. It's hella depressing. And I feel like running does absolutely nothing to stop it. Don't give me the comments of, "You're not FAT Chelsea!!!!"... Feeling and being are totally different. And I feel huge. It's mostly my stomach. The little roll right underneath my bra, you know what I'm talking about? How on God's green earth do I get it to GO AWAY!? I look at pictures from high school and can tell I've filled out, which isn't all bad. And I'm sure 10 years from now I'll look at pictures of myself as I am now, and wish I could go back to that. But... I just... Don't want to get fat... Ever. I'm still in the healthy BMI range, but it's at the top-end of the healthy range. I'd prefer to not have to worry about being borderline "overweight". Why can't they suck the fat from my stomach and insert it into my boobs? I would be A-okay with that procedure. I've come to grips that I've got thunder thighs, and I don't have a huge problem with that. Okay - goal time. I'm going to make an extra effort to not eat crap food and to work my abs out HARD. Any ab work outs anyone finds particularly effective?

-I rolled 211 dollars worth of change for Shawn. Am I a good girlfriend or what?

-Speaking of Shawn, (again), he's found a new love for Speedos. He's even made a verb out of it, saying that he's "Speedoing" (which I must admit I find rather amusing). But... Um... my distaste for Speedos stems way back to when I somehow managed to accompany my cousins Amanda and Emily (I can't remember if it was just one or both) to some swimming thing. Either water polo, or something. In any event, all the guys were in Speedos... And I was repulsed. And I'm still not so sure how I feel about them... I guess it could be worse though. There's an amusing article on Speedos - - that I guess I agree with. If you're on a swim team or in a Speedo endorsed country awesome, wear a Speedo. Otherwise, eh, save it. Shawn argues that it helps get his thighs tan... Seriously? I love that boy... But who the hell sees his thighs? What is your opinion?

-I didn't have to get the safety and emissions inspection on my car this year because it's a 2008. That made me all sorts of happy.

-What the hell is a disco stick? Lady Ga Ga is a piece of work.

-I called the Utah College of Massage Therapy to see how much their massages were. 25 bucks for 50 minutes. I'm thinking I will make a trip next Saturday.

-I sold TWO textbooks on Ebay's website I felt totally awesome and $70 bucks richer.

-And finally, ecause I like winning things.... To prevent cervical cancer women over the age of 18 should get regular pap tests even if they have had the HPV vaccine. See for more information. Go get you a PAP TEST!

Pardon this posting's lameness. I try to make my life seem interesting - but sometimes it is to no avail...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Ricky Martin is my homeboy

Another new week comes with another bullet list of pointless entertainment.

-I think I might have narcolepsy. Every 5 minutes my eyes are rolling to the back of my head wanting to escape to dreamland only to be jolted back to consciousness when my head bobs. It's a vicious cycle. I'd rather get caught picking my nose or scratching my boob at the front desk than seen passed out in my glory on my keyboard. The space heater and expired Dr. Pepper probably aren't helping my situation much. Oh, and the fact that I'm averaging 5-6 hours of sleep a night. Awesome.

-The other day Shawn and I were at Wal Mart. We were trying to find a present suited for my sister's friend... So naturally I go straight to the toy section, only to quickly realize that said friend is in 7th grade and probably doesn't need/want what the toy section has to offer. I'm awful at shopping. She ended up with a "Friendship Bracelet Kit". Every 7th grade girl's dream, right? Anyways... we were in the Play-Doh section and I told Shawn that we should play with Play-Doh some day. Because Shawn is awesome, he found the cheapest Play-Doh there was and threw it in the basket. Later I decided that we should make a CLAYMATION movie. Because, why the heck not? Observe....

So with the help of Cam, Katie, Darin, myself, and Shawn (who put the movie together)... We got this...

I personally think we should make a series - maybe with less dying.

-Shawn and I found 50 cent jellies at Wal Mart. They were possibly the ugliest looking things I've ever seen. They looked like a some sort of twisted version of a shoe insert. (I sincerely wish I had a photo for your viewing pleasure, but alas.) Shawn wanted to buy and wear them, because "THEY'RE 50 CENTS!!!" Unfortunately for him, they didn't have his size. Next time Shawn.

-I need a new purse. Okay, I want a new purse. Because the 900 I already have are apparently not good enough. The one I'm currently using is white. Note to self: never ever ever purchase a WHITE purse. I'm not OCD enough to keep a white purse white. It's starting to turn gray. Gross much? Where does one find a cute, inexpensive, non-white purse?

-The man and I went on another date this past weekend. To a BEES game. I hadn't been to a Bees game in aaaaaages. So I was looking forward to it. We went to The Pie first with Cameron and his date, Sara, to eat some PIZZA.

Hawaiian and Pepperoni pizza. Mmmm.

Say it with me: dur dee duuuuuuur

It was that exciting.

I was in one of those really peppy, I'm-going-to-say-whatever-the-hell-I-want moods. Note how UNamused Shawn is....

Needless to say this got me into trouble with the man. Apparently I was too mean...

Poor Shawn. Bless his heart for listening to my bitching and moaning... all. the. time.

Anyhizzle... We finally got to the Bees game where Darin, Scott and their dates were... Sitting in the chairs. PASS. Luckily Shawn knows me better than to think I'm going to sit in a chair for a whole baseball game, so he brought a blanket so we could go sit and be attention deficit on the grass with all the 5 year olds. Exhibit A of how UNinterested I was in the game at this point...

Anyways... Once upon a time Shawn bought $1 dollar Elmo kites at non other but Wal Mart. He brought said kites to the game and we went over and flew them behind the scoreboard...

As you can tell, I was BEYOND thrilled to be flying a kite. I sound like a 7 year old. The excitement was short-lived when two nice security men told us to "Cease and desist" our kite flying, because if we were flying kites, then EVERYONE would fly kites. Can you imagine the absolute CHAOS that would ensue from kite flying. Hug a security man - we'd be toast without them. (But in all seriousness, they were actually really nice men... We didn't get hauled off to time-out or anything.)

11 friggin innings and a Bees Victory later there were fireworks. They were actually a lot better than I had anticipated. So good, that I got teary eyed. What in the hell?! Teary eyed at FIREWORKS! God help my birth controlled soul.

That was one hell of a long bullet. Sorry folks. Next. (Because no, I am clearly not finished.)

-Yesterday my dad ordered chinese food and was told it would be ready to pick up @ 7:00pm. My dad asked if I'd go pick it up, and because I'm awesome, I obliged. I go into "Golden Aisle" - which according to Shawn was named THE dirtiest restaurant in Utah 4 years ago *gag* - and tell them I'm there to pick up an order for Clark Chamberlain.

Asian: Cark???
Me: Yes, Clark.
Asian: You si down ri ova theya
Me: Ok

So I'm sitting... And waiting... With two people that were apparently in front of me... Who have been waiting for heaven only knows how long. 10 minutes goes past and the Asian comes out with food - for Mike, the man who has been standing there for 30 minutes. Oh hell. If it takes that long for me to get my food there might be one less Asian in the world after tonight. 20 minutes goes by and she brings out the next lady's food and disappears again. 25 minutes goes by and the phone rings, the same Asian lady comes bustling back in from who knows where to answer, says a series of "Okay's" and then tells the customer on the other line that, "Foo be ready in forty fi hour." Hours? Maybe that's why my food was taking so long. 30 minutes later she comes out with a gigantic box of chinese food. And if it wasn't for "Cark" I was going to kill a fish in the repulsive smelly fish tank I had been sitting next to for the last half hour. Luckily for the fish, the food was mine. The Asian didn't apologize for the 30 hour, I mean minute, wait, she took my money, gave me my damn chinese, and ran back into wherever she kept running off too. Needless to say, irritibility ensued for the rest of thet night with a dash of racist comments. Don't get me wrong - there's awesome Asians in the world - but the ones that don't know Engrish or customer service skills need to get out of my country.

-I don't know how girls swim in bikinis. I can barely keep my tankini from falling off my body. This annoys me to no end, and makes for awkwardness when the boys decide they want to rough house in the pool and I have to scream "MY BOTTOMS ARE COMING OFF! LET ME GO!" Though, this is an extremely effective way to get them to leave me alone, even if my swim suit is fully in tact.

-Speaking of rough housing in pools. It terrifies me. I love that I was born into an extended family of swimmers. All of them. Except my family. We all dance, sing, and do drama. So when people think it's hilarious to take me to the deep end and dunk me, I panic inside, and maybe pee a little bit. I can swim... ish. Just not incredibly well. I'm not even amazing at treading water. I'm 21 years old and still have to play "Itsy bitsy spider" around the edge of the pool. Practice makes perfect, and doing what scares me makes the fear go away....... right?

-Still watching Gossip Girl. Still loving it. Kind of.

-Still dreading my date with death in Bryce Canyon. Though figured out that if I can run a 13 minute mile constantly, for 13 whole miles... I can cross the finish line before the race is officially over.

-Shawn and I took our first kissy picture. It was actually kinda fun. Normally I judge people that post gross pictures like these. Let alone talk about taking the pictures. But check it out...

My incredible armpit aside... greOW. That's how I roll. ;)

-I'm actually quite content with my life at the time being. It may be hard to gather from my overly caustic and cynical posts. But I'm happy with my life. I've got a good family, somewhere to live, food to eat, a sanitary place to poop, and good friends. Just livin la vida loca. Thank YOU Ricky Martin.


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Because I Can

Good thing my job is more boring than watching grass grow - I'm on a roll.

-I ran 3.5 miles at the gym yesterday. I walked about .6 of those. But I was mostly running at the 6.0 speed. This is an improvement. If only I could do the same outside. Sigh.

-I need extra money... But I'm not so sure how willing I am to sacrifice my nights and weekends to get another job in order to do so. I could probably easily get a waitress job somewhere... But I just know I'd absolutely hate working nights and weekends. Princess much? So if anyone knows how to make some easy money, while maintaining a full time job, that would be just peachy. I just don't want to be working CRAZY late into the night is all. Debt = :(

-So the bikini wax went better than expected. After getting over the initial feeling of complete and utter violation of having two girls all up in my bajingo, it was a walk in the park. I got it done at Cameo Beauty College... Because I'm trying this whole 'being thrifty' thing. Anyways... I finally am allowed to put my pants back on and as I do I realize that they didn't get all the wax off my legs and *cough* hair.... So not only are my panties sticking to my vajayjay, my basketball shorts are sticking to my legs in some awkward places. So that was really my only complaint, along with the fact that they didn't really take as much hair off as I had anticipated. But I wasn't about to pull my pants down and tell them to keep going. Now I just know for next time. Because there will so be a next time. ;)

-I got a pedicure on Friday. I love pedicures. Though I decided that the overly preppy asians at the particular joint I went to, don't have a great sense of customer service. Nor do they have a good sense of what is appropriate to wear to work. Every time I looked down at my feet, I got an eyeful of asian breasts. Even the men that worked there had bulging muscles and tight t-shirts. What kind of customers are they trying to attract? Perhaps they offer alternative services that I'm unaware of? Who knows. At least fish aren't a part of their services. I'm not sure that I'd ever feel okay with that kind of pedicure... *shudder*

-Speaking of breasts... mine still hurt. Though on the bright side... They're totally growing. Thank youuuuu birth control.

-So I went to Ross the other day, because I was in a shameless spending mood, mostly to look at their dresses. Turns out I sort of kind of just a little bit like dresses. Shawn decided he wanted to come along for the ride, bless his heart. It was hilarious to watch him pull out halter tops that he was sure were skirts, but weren't. Though, I ended up getting two dresses. One, was one of the halters he pulled out, that we both agreet could double as a halter and as a skirt. Though, I'm not sure how I feel about the whole, shirt underneath the halter, thing. Perhaps it just needs to grow on me? Though, moral of the story: turns out guys, or at least mine, can be SEMI okay at shopping. Even when they seem to be pulling the most ridiculous looking items of clothing off the shelves.

-I want to change my hair again. I think I might just make it all the way dark with the red highlights again. Opinions? Blonde or dark? I'm not real sure how I feel about the blonde in my hair right now... Maybe I should just go neon purple. Yeah.

-It is amazing how quickly I can fall asleep sitting here at the desk. I startle myself when I jolt back into consciousness. It's probably a good thing I don't have my own office... I'd fall asleep and have no worries about anyone seeing me...

I think I just figured out what kind of tattoo I want...

And that will be all.

For now.