Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Whimsical Musings

-Um, anyone else sick of the "Say Hey" song that plays every single time you come to this page?  It's sad, really - I rather enjoyed that song at one point.  Now I can't turn down the volume fast enough when I hear it.  Few things drive me to insanity as much as an overplayed song does.  Taylor Swift, anyone?

-Ever notice the "Monetize" tab when you're writing a new post?  Um, convert my blog into money?  Yes, please.  There will now be ads on the side of my blog.  I'm almost positive that it will make me absolutely nothing.  But even if it's money-making potential is comparable to "Guiding" at ChaCha, it's something... maybe.

-Speaking of money, I didn't get the promotion at work.  Sigh.

-So Shawn and I decided that since school is probably going to soak up our lives this semester, we'd get a jump start on registering for crap for our wedding.  (Yeah yeah, we're not getting married til April... Bite me.)  First stop: the bank.  Did you know you could register at the bank?  All those lazy people who don't feel like getting dressed and driving to the store to buy a toaster can get online, type in their credit card information, and transfer money into our "Wedding Account."  Bam.  Done.  Completely genius?  I think so.  A bit impersonal?  Maybe, but heck, who cares?  I reason that purchasing something off a registry isn't any more personal, so it's kosher.  Lazy people unite.  (Note: We also figured that the bank account would be good for people from Shawn's mission (Hi Jim!) to use, that way they don't have to ship crock pots across the country - We're smart, we know.)  Anyways... We went and registered at, you guessed it, Bed Bath and Beyond (our budget).  They have so much stuff.  They told us we should probably register for as many people as we're inviting - well uh, thus far we've got a grand total of about 580 people on our address list.  $&#*@.  Luckily, a lot of those people are from Shawn's mission and people we know just gave us their address because they want an announcement, but have absolutely no intentions of showing up.  (I only say this because I may or may not be guilty of said charge.)  Anyways, we registered for cheap stuff (you know... Skittles, Sour Patch Kids - totally normal wedding registry items) and not so cheap stuff (Belgian Waffle Makers, Ice Cream Makers... you know, stuff that we'll never actually get.)  We decided that we didn't really want to register for any "linen" type items there, because that shiz is crazy expensive.  (You're welcome.)  So off we go to Target.  I love Target with every fiber of my being - words can't express how excited I was to scan crap that I wanted.  And believe me, we definitely scanned what we wanted, with little to no boundaries.  We attempted to scan a big screen TV, you know, just so people could laugh and make fun of our ignorance upon seeing our registry.  Turns out you can't register for big screen TVs... Just in case you were wondering.  Also, a disclaimer for the easily offended: maybe you should get our gift from Bed Bath and Beyond.  One last thing: the scanner dealies at Target are way funner than the scanners at Bed Bath and Beyond.  Just saying.  We realize that we'll get maybe 5% of the things we registered for, but it was still totally fun.  Don't be surprised to start seeing my Christmas/Birthday wishlist in Target registry form.

-TMI Bullet (Hi Geoff!): Birth control side effects are actually lessening now - at least as far as the crazy biotch syndrome goes.  I still get nausea sometimes, but it makes me eat less, which results in less cottage cheese on my butt cheeks and thighs.  That can't be all too bad, right?  I'm crossing my fingers for some silver lining on the sore boob front.  (That's right, I just told the world my boobs are sore.  You were warned.  Embrace the openness.)

-Bachelor bullet - if you don't watch the show, this bullet will probably mean absolutely nothing to you.  So I sort of got myself attached to The Bachelor.  I always thought it was kind of a silly show, that had (from what I've heard) little to no success in actually marrying off two people.  But man.  I totally love judging the crap out of all the superficial girls who think they're the queen.  And, I'm almost ashamed to admit I thrive off of their ridiculous drama.  And yes, I realize it's blatantly edited to make all the girls seem like blood sucking, power hungry, evil bitch whores.  But that's what I find so hilarious about it.  It's like a train wreck, and I can't stop watching.  I want Allie to win.  Shawn (Yes, Shawn - I'm that good) likes Elizabeth because she can throw a football and says she won't kiss Jake.  I think she's just smart and knows how to play the game - and is a total fake.  The internet (Oh yes, I researched.) says that they know who is going to win.  And I am so not thrilled with who they're saying it is.  So here's to hoping that they're wrong, and that I'm not perceived as a total loser because I watch The Bachelor.

-They say time slows down the closer you get to your wedding.  They couldn't be any more right.  (Not that I'm super close by any stretch of the imagination... But still.)

-I watched the movie "Fame" for the first time.  Nothing like a good old fashioned movie about extremely talented people to make you feel like a big piece of talentless crap.

-Lets try ending on a happy note... Shawn got a scholarship for this semester - which was incredibly good.  Turns out God isn't lying when He says He'll bless you for paying your tithing.  Hoo-rah. 


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Because You Care

Don't have a whole ton to say, but feel like blogging anyways.

-Went back to the lady doctor.  Had some more medieval contraptions shoved up my hoo hoo - and turns out I'm nice and "normal".  As long as I don't end up having cancer, I should be good to go.  Hip freaking hooray.

-Birth control update: Random emotional episodes, usually involving my weight, my abnormally giant love handles or the roll of oosh right underneath my bra that is destined to keep growing til it droops to the floor.  Also, total and complete irritability with a side of short temper and nausea.  Moral of the story?  Don't piss me off - and if you're a skinny chick who can eat crap all day long without gaining a single pound, you can go ahead and get lost.

-Started school yesterday, stay tuned for complaints.

-Remember that whole, me going to the gym thing?  Turns out I fail miserably at keeping up at it.  I absolutely loathe the gym.  I'd rather swallow a stapler than have to drag my lazy arse there every day.  Too dramatic?

-Shawn and I are running out of money, turns out eternal wedded bliss isn't cheap.  Where is Publishers Clearinghouse when you need them.

-Speaking of money, raise your hand if you think Shawn and I are pathetic for taking all the surveys at the end of receipts to "Win $5,000!".  Because we do - Shawn has absolutely no faith in them, but I like to think I'll get a call from someone saying we have $5,000 to spend at Target.  If not, at least we bettered their company by taking their pointless surveys.  Not.

-Shawn and I went to a bridal show this last weekend, in attempts to win this huge grand prize wedding, which included a wedding dress and a bunch of other expensive stuff.  All you had to do was write 200 words on why you deserved a dress.  That's not hard, right?  I decided to write a poem, you know, so my entry would stand out... (Judge me and I'll stab you.)

There is a time in every girl’s life,
When she dreams of the day she becomes somebody’s wife
The most exciting thing, as I’m sure you can guess
Is the beautiful white gown she’ll wear, her future wedding dress.
I’m finally at that moment, when my dreams are becoming real
I’ve met the man of my dreams, to whom I will be sealed
I’ve searched far and wide for a dress that meets perfection
When I finally fell upon the Maggie Sottero Collection
My jaw fell wide open, when I saw the most beautiful gown
I had found nothing comparable in all my looking around
This was the dress I wanted, about that there was no doubt
Until I saw the price tag, and sighed a heavy pout
I work and school full time, with many high bills to pay
I sometimes even support my parents, who struggle day to day
Bride’s dreams becoming reality, is Maggie’s Sottero’s mission
Now I’m asking for your help to achieve this lifelong ambition
I would be honored to wear a dress of yours, what a blessing it would be
Emerging in a breathtaking gown, I’m certain my groom will agree.

I didn't end up winning, (as I'm sure you could've assumed by my cheery preface).  Turns out in order to win you had to have a family member die, or something much more tragic than a busy schedule and no money.  But I'm still proud of my 197 word poem.  We entered a bunch more contests with the different vendors.  If we're lucky, we might have 4 honeymoons to go on.  ;)

-It's really a shame that headbands hurt my head like crazy.  Because I sort of enjoy them.  It's a way to make my hair look.... less crappy.

 -Once upon a time I showered, came downstairs, and started getting ready for church.  You know that sound you hear when water is running through your pipes after you've flushed the toilet or whatever.  I hear that noise, think nothing of it.  Ten minutes later I'm still hearing the noise, so I walk out into the basement to see our basement floor drenched in water.  I then look up to see water GUSHING out the cracks of our closed window.  From top to bottom, ice cold water was just running into our basement from a completely full window well.  I'm half naked in a towel at this point as I run to the window cursing, attempting to stop it.  No luck.  I try calling my family (who are all at church), with no luck.  Major stress + daily hormones = crying.  I call Shawn in tears telling him my basement is drowning in ice cold water and I can't get a hold of my family.  Him and his dad show up to see me up against the window trying to seal it, half naked (now in my robe), in sheer panic and tears.  By this point there's a good 2 inches of water on the floor - awesome.  I finally got a hold of my dad whom I told to come home now.  (He later told me he was sure that Shawn and I had just broke up or something because I was crying.)  Anyways... Half of the neighborhood and even the fire department showed up.  Turns out, there was a sprinkler thinger that ran into our backyard that my dad didn't know about, and it hadn't been turned off in years, so it froze, expanded, and then exploded, resulting in a nice waterfall into the window well, and into our basement.  Utah Disaster Relief came and sucked up most the water and put a crapload of massive fans into our basement to air it out.  People, these fans are not quiet by any stretch of the imagination.  It sounds like our house is about to take flight.  Not to mention half our house smells like urine now.  But hey, free carpet.  Thank you homeowner's. 

-I have a mole on my chin.  There is one solitary dark hair that grows out of it.  Shawn and I decided that maybe I should get the record for the longest solitary female chin hair ever. Classy, I know.

-I love Shawn. I love that he loves my disgusting love handles and chin hairs and fat rolls.  I love that he can so easily dismiss the small things that, in the eternal scheme of things, don't matter.  I love his work ethic.  And I love how into the wedding plans he's getting.  He's perfect and I can't imagine spending the rest of forever with anyone else.  So there.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Meat and Potatoes

Okay - so now that you know the big news, let's move onto smaller details that hopefully won't take as long as that last one.

-I got a speeding ticket over the weekend.  Ironically enough, it happened as I was driving home from helping my parents with their blown out tire on the freeway.  Where's my karma?  Stupid Midvale cops, have they no mercy?  Happy fricking New Year.

-I bought my wedding dress yesterdayyyyy!  I absolutely love it.  I'd post pictures, except there are certain someones that aren't allowed to see it yet.  So if you want to see - let me know, and I'll direct you to a picture.  :)

-I just became a "ChaCha Guide" as of last week.  (*ChaCha, if you aren't hip and funky fresh, is essentially a search engine that you can text questions to and get an answer back from someone like me who is searching ruthlessly for your answer.)  To date, I've made a grand whopping total of $16.44.  It's something to do when I get bored - but sometimes the questions people ask are a bit beyond ridiculous.  "How long would it take to kill someone by hitting them with a pillow?"  Um, what?  There are a lot of questions about sports and cheats to games like World War Craft, or whatever that game is - so not my area of expertise.  I'm learning some new things however - like: Bach doesn't have any known living descendants, who knew?

-We finally picked our colors for the reception - green, pink and black.  If you hate the colors, then you can die.  It took a good solid 2 or 3 hours to finally choose.  Turns out being a sucky decision maker doesn't mesh so well with planning a wedding.  Something along these lines is what we're going for:

(Ps, I love these pink and black shoes - if you can find them anywhere, you can have my firstborn.)



-It occurs to me that a lot of my posts in the near future will probably have to do with my wedding - sorry if this bores you, but I can't hardly help it.

-Shawn and I have recently started watching Kyle XY.  It's about some computer dude without a bellybutton.  It's okay so far... Though I probably mostly watch it because Kyle is hotter than hell.  Observe:

-Shawn and I decided we're going to invite rich famous people to our wedding reception.  You better believe that Bill Gates and David Archuleta are on the list.  Don't judge us, a newlywed couple can hope.  (It occurs to me that inviting Oprah may be beneficial as well...)

-Speaking of "the list", getting addresses for our reception is nothing short of a kick in the rear.  We caved into the tacky Facebook "We need your addresses" group.  Though, people aren't seeming to grasp the concept of the group.  We've got 200+ people that have "joined" said group, however maybe 5% of them has given us their address.  If you're one of these people, please be smarter - don't join our group if you're not going to give us your address.  (Note: If you're family, you're pretty much off the hook - we have most of your addresses already. :) )

-I might get a promotion at work.  This will make my bank account smile.  

-(*Warning - TMI Bullet*) I took my very first trip to the lady doctor.  I failed. I was referred to another MD who has to check my goods out again to determine if I'll need a special kind of *cough* procedure.  I won't go into any more gruesome detail, but needless to say I'm sort of, kind of, petrified.  The good news is that I'm not dying.  The mediocre news is that my doctor prescribed me yet another kind of birth control.  So far the reviews I've read have moaned of "intense weight gone" and "complete loss of sex drive".  Greaaaat.

 -I went to the dentist for the first time in a really long time.  Now that I finally have insurance, I figure I may as well use it, right?  Well I go in there, expecting the worst - and pretty much got what I expected.  I'll admit, my flossing habits have been pretty much awful in the past.  Apparently my lack of flossing started to destroy my gums.  I guess they were all inflamed and shiz.  Gross?  I think so.  So Miss Perfect Set of Teeth goes on to tell me I'll need a "deep cleaning" in which I'll be numbed and drilled and all that fun stuff.  Then the insurance lady comes in to tell me that my "insurance" is more of a "discount plan" - Awesome. So 150 freaking dollars later, they "deep clean" my mouth.  Then tell me I'll have to come back to get my cavities filled.  Needless to say I haven't gone a day without flossing since.  It's a pain in the ass, buuuut I guess I'll have to live with it.  

-I'm really not looking forward to school starting.  Shawn has classes every single night but Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  Kinda sucky.  I'm almost done.  But not nearly as close as I thought/want.  
-Shawn and I have started the "Wedding Workout".  Needless to say every ounce of my poor self is sore.  He's good at motivating me to not quit after 5 reps of whatever workout we're doing.  I kind of suck at working out - mostly because I feel ridiculous doing most the work outs - not too mention I feel like everyone is staring at my cottage cheese butt and my muffin top.  (I realize they aren't actually staring at me, but that's sure what it feels like.)  Trying to get in shape while on a birth control pill that will make me gain weight should be an absolute treat.  

-We're going on a cruise in May.  I could not be more thrilled.  With the exception of the fact that we'll be in the middle of the ocean.  What if I fall off?  And get eaten by sharks?  What if our cruise ship sinks?   What if pirates take over our ship?  You know, normal totally rational fears.

-I just went to Cafe Rio and didn't finish my burrito.  Go ahead, pat my back.

Okay, folks!  That's about all I can muster up for now... Keep it classy, internet.