Okay, so I whine about having to get up at the butt crack of dawn to go to the gym - and here I lay in bed at 9:00, so I can get a good night's rest - and nothing. I can't stop thinking about everything. My wedding, things I can blog about, the fact I ate way too much for dinner, the fact that I bailed on kickboxing tonight because I wanted to go buy two Kit Kat bars instead... you know, normal stuff. I'm super irritated that I can't just fall asleep. Why does my body hate me? So I'm going to go ahead and unload some wedding thoughts onto you, in hopes of deadening my mind, so I can stop thinking about whether or not I'm going to wake up 20 pounds heavier in the morning because I ate for 3 tonight.
There's absolutely nothing I want more than to marry the love of my life in the temple for all time and eternity, however - that said, there are still some things that make me a little bit nervous:
-I'm extremely independent. I like having my own things, and I'm not very good at sharing them. Namely, my bed. I'm sure it'll be fairly pleasant to be able to have someone to snuggle up to every night. But what about the dead of the night, when I want to sprawl out every limb of my body over every inch of the bed? I feel like I may end up accidentally smothering poor Shawn to death in the middle of the night. I guess I just need to learn how to be a better sharer. Sharing is caring, right? However, so help me, if Shawn so much as ever uses my toothbrush or loofah, I will smother him to death - and it won't be an accident. Sharing loofahs and toothbrushes is so beyond me - have some respect people.
-I'm the pickiest eater ever - are we going to have to separate our fridge into "Chelsea's Food" and "Shawn's Food"? I drink skim milk, Shawn digs 2% - 2% makes me want to throw up. Most people would say, so go for 1%? No. Still too creamy. I eat Mayo, Shawn eats Miracle Whip. Gag me. I'd sooner swallow a pair of scissors. Do you see my concern?
-So Shawn has this thing about people who snore.... he hates them. He would sooner die a thousand deaths than sleep with someone who snores. Um... Surprise! Pretty sure I've been known to snore. In fact, when I'd have sleepovers when I was younger, I would pretend to still be asleep in the morning and without fail someone would always always always say, "Oh. my. gosh. Did you hear Chelsea snoring last night?!" (Hi Betsy!) I think as I've gotten older it's turned less into snoring and more into heavy breathing. Is that still grounds for a divorce? Is snoring considered an "irreconcilable difference"? I'm just kidding on the divorce note - however, it might just solve my shared bed problem.... Who knows. Shawn's been with me when I've been asleep, and the only problem thus far is that I've drooled on him. Comparatively speaking, that can't be too bad?
-This sort of stems back to my independence - but I thoroughly enjoy my alone time. Sometimes I like to come home, snuggle in my bed - by myself, and watch 3 episodes of my current TV addiction. I love being around Shawn more than anything in the world, but will I still get my precious moments snuggled up with my laptop? I feel like I offend people when I say, "Um... Yeah, I'm just going to go to my room and hang out with my laptop..." Doesn't mean I don't enjoy said person's company. Is that weird? Am I normal? Holy crap. I don't want Shawn to feel like I'm having a love affair with my laptop. He's a good, understanding man though - he'll understand. :)
-This whole virgin marrying a virgin thing, yeah - I'm slightly nervous. 'Nuff said.
Even though there are things that make me nervous, or paranoid, or fearful - there are a ton more things that I'm looking incredibly forward to. For instance....
-No more of this staying up all hours of the night just to spend every possible waking moment with each other. I hear when you're married you get a ton more sleep. Maybe that makes me a 40 year old for yearning for more sleep... But man - I couldn't be more thrilled.
-On the same note, having to go home every night. Not only is it depressing, but it's obnoxious. Sure, I only live 2 minutes away. But when we're both passed out on the couch, there's nothing like the nice reality that, "Oh yeah, you should probably go home so our parents don't have ulcers when we wake up together tomorrow." Going outside into the freezing cold car, half asleep. Man, it's just annoying. Besides, snuggling is fun. As paranoid as I am that I'm going to smother Shawn to death - I really am looking forward to being able to say goodnight to him and not have to leave him.
-The virgin thing, sure I'm nervous, but HOLLLAAAAA.
-I'm looking forward to being able to read scriptures and say prayers with Shawn every single night. I believe that relationships are strengthened tenfold when you're studying scriptures and praying together every night. I'm pretty sure that Shawn is 483290483290 times smarter than me when it comes to the scriptures anyways, I love talking to him about scriptures - and it'll just be awesome and enlightening and wonderful to be able to do that every night.
-Going through the temple - man oh man, words can't even begin describing how much I'm looking forward to this. Having Shawn be there with me will be beyond words. Knowing that we'll be sealed together for time and all eternity is so comforting, especially since I snore. I remember going to do baptisms with Shawn in high school every Wednesday, and I love seeing him in white. It's his best look. I get all misty eyed even thinking about being sealed to my sweet, sweet Shawn. What a wonderful, blessed experience that will be.
-This is going to sound so typical Mormon chick, but I'm absolutely thrilled at the thought of having kids. (Note: This won't be happening any time soon, but nevertheless.) Ever since I was little, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and would always tell them that I wanted to be a mom. (Well, that is after I got over my street light worker and janitor phases) People have mockingly told me I'm in the "Mormon mommy major" in school, but pfft, that couldn't be any closer to what I want to do with my life. If I can go to school to learn how to better take care of my kids, then score. Don't get me wrong, I have a whole slew of worries about having children. But I'm mostly just excited to start my own little family with Shawn.
-Most of all, I'm just excited to grow old with my sweetheart. I realize that's so far beyond cheesy, but it's true. We're going to have ups and downs - financially, emotionally, physically. I don't think I could've picked a better man to go through life with by my side, and to help me raise a righteous Celestial family. I wrote notes to myself in high school for the future saying that I really hoped I ended up with Shawn, and whattya know - turns out patience works wonders. We're going to have a wonderful, awesome, goofy life together - and I'm ecstatic.
In other news:
-I can't find freakin shoes to go with my wedding dress, which I can't get altered until I have said shoes.
-There are so many options with reception food, and I really suck at decisions. Spend a lot more money on a layout that'll be nicer and more stress-free - or spend less money on something that won't be as awesome and a little bit more stressful? Help?
-We're getting our engagements taken on President's Day. If you have any super fun ideas for pictures that you want to share, don't be shy.
-I found a pattern for my bridesmaids. A girl I work with is the freakin bomb and said she'd sew them all for me, since, well, if I sewed them - they'd probably fall off during the reception. Except I need cute black boleros to go with them - who has cute boleros that aren't a gazillion dollars?
-If you're ever going to do a Wedding account with a bank, use Mountain America and not America First - they're a bunch of flaming morons.
-So much to do! I keep thinking I have all the time in the world... and, well, I don't. Still having a great time planning, though. :)
Okay, now that I've stared at a laptop screen for the last 45 minutes, I'll never get to sleep. But nevertheless, it's been my pleasure sharing things with you that you probably didn't even care to know. Goodnight, internet.