Thursday, June 17, 2010

Lagoon, Purses, and Assholes

(Warning: This post may contain a larger amount of curse words than usual.  Oops.)

So, my husband is in Logan getting ready to run a really big race - and I'm at home all alone.  It's kind of depressing for a few reasons.  1 - because this is the first night we've spent apart since we've been married.  2 - I miss him.  3 - I just caught someone trying to steal my purse and feel beyond violated and gross.

Story time?

I dropped off my husband at my aunt's house because they were going to drive up to Logan so they could be up and at em' at 4:00, bright and early for the race.  (More wife points for me for not being able to get work off to go and cheer him on.  Thanks, adulthood.)  Anyways, I was supposed to meet some friends at Lagoon (because remember how we're cool and have season passes?)  I almost decided not to go, but ended up turning around and going.  We stayed for about an hour and a half and decided we were done.  One of my friends was incessant that we go through the cheesy haunted house for 5 year-olds, but really, I only like going on that so I can make out with my lover.  Sneeky.  Anyways, we managed to talk him out of it and part ways to walk to our cars.  As I'm walking to mine I see a flash of what looked like my purse, and because I'm apparently always thinking of the worst thing that could possibly happen - I automatically freak out thinking someone has broken into my car and is stealing my purse.  As I speed up a little quicker to see what it was, I see 3 punk ass teenagers speed walking away from my purse and my wallet - which have both just been tossed on the ground.  I yell at the kids to come back, and they try to ignore me at first, so naturally - I yell louder.  They turn around and act all disconcerted and surprised that I was even talking to them.  I'm totally panicking because I have no idea if they're going to beat me senseless, or what - I've never had an encounter like this before.  Conversation went as follows:

Me: Um, were you going through my purse?

Assface teenagers: Uuuuh, no it was just sitting there and we were just seeing what it was!

(It's clearly a purse you dumb schmuck.)

Me: Did you take anything?  Because so help me, I will call the cops on you if something is gone.

Assface teenagers: Uuuuuh, we didn't take anything.  No.  We didn't take anything.  Go ahead and check it.  We didn't take anything.

I proceed to go through my wallet and purse, noticing that everything is still there. 

Me: (About ready to start bawling) I've had my purse stolen before, and it isn't fun.  So if you've taken something - please give it back.

They insisted that they didn't have anything, and everything seemed to be in my purse, so I figured it was safe to let them go, and as they were about to leave I whipped out one of my lady pads and said, "You guys sure you don't want a pad, there's plenty to go around!"  They looked absolutely disgusted.  And it was kind of vindicating.  Assholes.

I'm usually the Queen Anal Retentive when it comes to people locking my doors (Because my car is awesome and doesn't have power locks.) And usually good about putting my purse on the ground or in the backseat. But I apparently managed to forget to lock Shawn's door after I had dropped him off and left my purse sitting on the seat.  (Apparently I was too excited to get into the park.  That, or way too into the Lunchable that I was eating in the parking lot.)  There is no way on God's green earth that those douche bags "found the purse sitting there."  If that had been the case, all my credit cards would have been gone, along with my iPod Touch.  I know it was them who took it out of my car, and if I hadn't walked up when I did - my stuff would have vanished.  No one just gets the nerve to up and takes a purse out of someone's car and then not take anything out of it.  I figure if some sort of conscience had kicked in, they would have at least put my purse back in the damn car.

Timing is a weird thing, isn't it?  I'm totally and completely grateful that nothing was stolen out of my purse.  (That I'm aware of.)  It really has happened before, and it blows.  But now I feel totally violated and icky.  I don't even know how to explain it.  I like to give every person the benefit of the doubt, and just assume people are good.  I hate getting proved wrong.  I finally talked to Shawn on the phone and gushed about the entire thing - needless to say he was livid.  It made me feel better for being totally freaked out.  He told me to remember what they looked like, so he could beat the living shit out of them.  My husband doesn't swear people, that's how upset he is.  He was a little dissapointed that I didn't call the cops or make a bigger scene, but I was so freaked out that I just wanted my stuff, and wanted them to be gone.  I could have been a heck of a lot meaner, but I (regrettably) was easy on them.  Had my friends been with me, I imagine one of them in particular probably would've gone ape shiz on the kids.

Anyway, this is all just a blur of words that probably is only half coherent.  But I needed to vent... and writing usually helps.  As much as this small incident freaked me out, it was kind of nice to have a reminder that God is totally aware of what's going on, and is constantly watching over me.  Now I need to go watch something funny, or smoke a cigar... or something(Kidding.)  I just need to get this gross feeling to go away.  Thanks for bearing with my probably over-dramatic story, internet.

And, cut.


  1. Ugh, sucky kids! Glad they didn't actually get away with anything (well, technically, they did, but not with any of your material stuff anyways).

  2. That is so uncool. I am glad you walked up when you did. What punks! I would totally feel violated as well. I just don't get why someone would steal something from someone else unless they really needed it (like a loaf of bread). Ugh. Take 5 showers and run around in the sunshine. That will cleanse you.

  3. I hate people, especially a-holes who steal purses out of cars.

  4. Well THAT's lame. Glad you got there in time!