Thursday, July 22, 2010

Ovary Intermission

Sooo, remember how my ovaries have been performing acrobats for the last little while?  Yeah, me too.  So one day, I had an epiphany amidst whining to my poor husband about how much I wanted to whip up a batch of love and make a baby.  Clearly I haven't convinced him that it's baby time yet.  So instead I made him choose proposed that either he could knock me up OR we could get a puppy instead, to stave off my undying desire to light my birth control on fire.  


Guess who's going to be a proud owner or the cutest dang puppy in the entire universe?
(On the sole condition that I promise to keep valiantly taking my birth control, and not feeding it to the pigeons.)


So now that Shawn has crushed my dreams of pushing a full grown infant out of my private part for the time being, he's letting me get a PUPPY.  As soon as I started looking at the classifieds  that were selling puppies, the baby hunger was instantly turned into puppy hunger.  You better believe that I've been on KSL.com every dang day, looking for the most perfect puppy ever.

I know what you're thinking.  Really, I do.  Let me go ahead and list out what some or all of you are thinking.

-Why is this girl so fuh-reaking obsessed with having a baby?
-How is a puppy any different than a baby? 
-Will you even have time to properly train a puppy, let alone give it the attention it needs?
-A puppy in an apartment?  Really?
-Why not a cat?  Cats are easier.
-Oh hell, a pet-blogger.
-As a former puppy owner, you are making me stressed simply by reading this.
-Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  PUPPIES!
-How on earth does this chick's husband deal with her?
-I wish I could be more like Chelsea.  She's really fly.


Yes?


Well...

-I'm not really sure.  I'm just excited to be a mom.  So sue me.
-Well, it's not.  I get my fuzzball of baby-like love - Shawn doesn't have to listen to me whine about the spawn I'm being deprived of.  Win-Win.
-I will make time.  Shawn and I are on different work schedules.  We promise we won't abandon our puppy.  And we promise that it won't grow up to pee on our neighbors and terrorize all the children.
-HaHA.  We will have a house (Surprise!) in a matter of weeks.  So there.
-Cats are lame.  And for certifiably crazy women above the age of 50.  My time will come.
-I promise I won't be be annoying about how my pet is cuter/better/funnier than yours.  At least not forever.
-My error.  Feel free to leave to press the big red X in the corner.
-I like you.  You can pet my puppy.
-I'm positive someone is paying him.
-I know you do.  It's okay.  Want to pet my puppy?

Anyways, I'm in love with the idea of having a puppy.  I realize that it will be hard work, and that I'll probably whine about it sometimes.  But, in my mind, the pros totally outweigh the cons.  And since I'm feeling super list-tastic right now - join me in my quest to inform you of why it's a good idea for Chelsea to get a puppy.

Ahem.

-Since I have about 2.4 friends in real life, and the rest reside in the world wide web.  This will be perfect.  Who says you can't buy love?
-My nipples will stay in tact, as they won't have to be torn to shreds in order to feed the puppy.  (Too far?)
-I don't have to get fat.
-This puppy will not be forced out my nether regions.  
-If it ends up being the most annoying damn thing in the entire world.  I can sell it.
-The puppy can run with me, and be own personal form of pepper spray.
-And as much as I like to pretend to blame my husband for being the reason I can't have babies, let's be honest - I'm not all that ready myself.  So a puppy is perfect. 

And the list goes on.  Sure, there are cons - like how stinky they get or how they massacre shoes.  But, eh.  Worse things have happened.





So, internet, what kind of puppy do you think I should get?
(EVEN if you are totally against the idea.)
 



13 comments:

  1. I personally love Westie terriers. And Brussels Griffon (fancy name +ugly-ish dog= cute ugly pups that I MUST own one day). Ooooh! Or Corgies :) I want to get one someday and name it Radar because of the honkin' ears.

    We had a pit bull back in the day...she was a good but hyper dog. I would say ix nay on pit bulls if you are going to have wee ones running amok one day (because they are hyper and muscular and VERY protective of their owners). Just sayin...

    I am SO excited for you!!!

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  2. Don't get a lab unless you are ready for the chaos. They are super cute but if you have ever seen or read Marley and Me that is the exact same reaction you get from most all labs. We have a lab/golden retriever puppy right now and I am constantly running around yelling not to chew that. My aunt said to us when we got her that labs are the worst puppies but the best dogs. I hope that holds true for us :S. -Marianne from Rho

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  3. I have often wondered how much money I could get for selling my kids. But on to puppies...

    I had a beagle when I was young. Miniature beagle, actually. So it was a small dog, but not one of those tiny, yippy, old lady dogs. He was so stinking cute. Here's a link to a pic of one:

    http://www.big-dog-clothing.com/dog-training-tips/tips-for-training-beagles/

    We also had a cocker spaniel once. They are naughty, and they bite small children. Don't do it.

    My parents have a boxer, and it is the sweetest, most awesome dog ever. Boxers are really good with kids, they hardly ever bark, they have short hair, etc... Good dogs. They are kinda big, but you're going to be in a house - so who cares? And they look scary, even though they aren't, so it's good for keeping the creepers away when you're walking him. :) I'm sure you know what those look like, but I'll post a link anyway, cause it's fun!

    http://s819.photobucket.com/albums/zz113/PuppyPerson/puppies/?action=view&current=boxer_fanner1.jpg&&newest=1

    Also, (FYI, TMI, whatever), lots of people will tell you that their boxer is purebred, but a lot of them really have bits of pit bull in them - so be careful. i have to say that pit bulls are scary. I once saw one bite the head off a kitten right on my sister in laws living room floor, while her baby was laying right next to the dog. Perfectly normal dog prior to that. Scary as hell. Don't do it.

    Hows that for the longest comment ever?

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  4. Okay, chels. I'm with you on cats. I'm marginal on dogs. Remember the Chamberlain dog rules:
    #1 Your dog must be a real dog. No greasy toy dogs, no miniature anything. No wussy dogs. You need a dog that will fetch. Golden retriever. Yellow lab. You get the picture.
    #2 Your dog must live outside. Dogs are not people. It should not sleep with you, drink from your toilet, or otherwise take liberties in your home.
    #3 Your dog must be good for something. Take it running, to the park, etc.
    #4 Don't make out with your dog. You know the people that kiss their dogs and let their dogs lick their face? Ew.

    (Now don't I sound just like Leon?)

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  5. I think a puppy will totally stave off the ovary flipping behavior for at least a little while! I've been obsessed with Corgis lately. We've already got two dogs and are thinking about adding a small human to our collection soon, but eventually, SOMEDAY, I shall have a Corgi.

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  6. A Boxer.

    And Shawn is underpaid.

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  7. How funny! We are getting a puppy too. I had considered it for a while, but blew it off as just another mouth I wasn't ready to have to feed. Then, I had the another baby or new puppy thing going on, and puppy won out. This was all internal I might add. My husband was open to either.

    In any case, we are getting an Irish Water Spaniel. Not a small yapper, doesn't shed, and super smart. We get him the first week of August. I can't wait to share pictures.

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  8. Puppies are a lot of work! We adopted a 2 yr old rescue from the pound and she's perrrrfect.

    However, I know that Puggles are very "in" right now and easy to train!

    I recommend the book 'The Other end of the Leash' by Patricia McConnell. It really helped me to understand my doggie's brain.

    Congrats on your impending doggymommyhood!

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  9. As a new puppy mommy I highly recommend a golden retriever. They have the best personalities. Also, when you do decide to have kids, it'll be their best friend. You can also go with a Springer Spaniel, Chesapeake Bay Retriever, Boxer, or a mix. I like that Maggie is black lab/golden to help give her some genetic variety.

    Best of luck!

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  10. Puppy!? I wanna puuupppppy. Sadly my landlord does not. Haha. My suggestion? Get a cute one. :) And one small enough that if it gets annoying you can pick it up above your head. ;) (I'm not really a puppy expert, sorry I don't have better advice like those above)

    And Apparently I am more behind on my blog reading then I thought... you're also getting a house!? That's awesome! Congrats! :)

    Make sure and post lots of cute pictures of the puppy when it arrives. :)

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  11. Yay dogs! I'm excited for you. I'll put a plug in for a mut. Purebred dogs can have health problems because of inbreeding. Plus, muts are cheap and maybe you can save one from a sad life.

    I disagree with Cathy on one of her points. If you're going to get a dog, don't make it a lawn ornament. If you want it to be part of the family, it needs to be welcome in your home. Our parents weren't raised that way... but just look at the luck that Grandma and Grandpa have had with dogs. Mae, Hawk-Eye... I rest my case.

    Also, decide whether you want a playful, good-fetching, running dog or a cuddly, lazy, just-wants-to-be petted dog. I think there are a few breeds that can take a little of both. I was wanting a cuddly dog and was a little disappointed with my dog's temperament. He just likes to play all the time. He only cuddles when he's really tired. He's a lot of fun though.

    I'm a huge fan of pugs (so ugly they're cute and waaaaay lazy lap dogs) and mastiffs (HUGE lazy lap dogs).

    This is really long. I could say more but I'll stop.

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  12. OK, so I had a puppy before I had kids, and let me warn you: PUPPY HARDER THAN BABY!

    That's right, the kids are easier than the dog was. Confused? I was too. But, finally my husband nailed it down:

    A child grows and reaches an age of accountability where they know right from wrong. A dog never does. A dog knows how to get a treat and sometimes, they just aren't hungry.

    Good luck with that!

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  13. I have a Shih Tzu and she is wonderful!! She doesn't shed either, which is super nice.

    I am totally with you on the baby thing. I will go for like 6 months without thinking about reproducing at all and then all of a sudden it hits me and i feel like if i don't get pregnant NOW then i am going to absolutely die.

    i am not ready yet either. luckily my husband is used to my antics by now and can sometimes talk sense into me.

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