In no particular order, reasons I
1. Is it me, or do all dental hygienists look like Barbies? Not to mention they naturally have an exquisite set of chompers. I guess my self esteem is just so, that being surrounded by hot chicks with perfect teeth makes me a tiny bit uncomfortable. I instantly feel like they are going to judge my teeth, and have full blown Relief Society conversations about them as soon as I leave. Paranoid much?
2. You know that massive magnifying glass that the dentist has, that has 846 magnifiers? Talk about feeling uncomfortable and judged. As if seeing my less-than-perfect teeth isn't enough, he now gets to inspect all the impurities on my face as well. So that's 2 cavities, and 84 blackheads. Great.
3. Having my mouth wide open with all sorts of goodies floating around in there, making it impossible for me to swallow - sort of gives me anxiety.
4. Why do dental people try talking to you when they have all their metal crap shoved clear down your throat? Do they think it's funny? Is it really necessary to ask me how my day is? Clearly, I'm having the most superb day of my life - you know, with you drilling the shite out of my teeth. Can't get enough of that. But seriously, unless you want half-crapped gurgles that are kind of words and drool running down my face that you have to suck up with your creepy little vacuum - don't talk to me. Seriously.
5. Speaking of the creepy little vacuum... You know, that little tube they leave draped off the side of your mouth that dries it out so quick that it feel like it's about to start sucking your brain out? Yeah. Not a fan.
6. One of the worst parts for me is when they floss my teeth. Good glory, you'd think they took a little mini saw and were trying to splice my gums right in half. And then directly after comes the, "Looks like you're bleeding a little bit" comments. You don't say? The amounts of flowing blood makes my mouth appear to be un-flossed since the Dark Ages. Commence flossing lecture. I can never get enough of them telling me that I should floss after every time I eat. Seriously, lady? I'm not the type of person that is going to put life on hold after I eat a granola bar, because holy crap - I have to floss. Now, I say more power to people that do floss like it's going out of style - but I just don't enjoy it. I floss morning and night, and when I get a huge piece of broccoli wedged in between my teeth - but that's about it.
7. Oh, and after the floss lecture always comes the plug for the million dollar electric toothbrush that I "should" be using. Dude, if you want me to use a specific toothbrush, then give me that instead of the .50 pieces of crap you give me every time I come in.
8. Out of everything, I think getting numbed is probably the absolute worst. First you have to have needles shoved into your gums, and that basically feels like a steak knife. And then when everything is said and done, you get to walk around for the next 5 hours slurring all your words and drooling all over everyone like a complete tool. It's even worse when it's just one side that's numb, and you feel like it's drooping 5 feet lower than the other half of your face. Good times.
9. Then the final cherry on top is when they hand you your bill, and still manage to rape you of all the money you've ever earned, post insurance.
Ah, yes. The dentist is fun.
Excuse me while I go eat some chocolate covered pretzels.
...and not floss afterward.
What do you hate about the dentist? (Or love, for the weirdos.)