I know I'm basically a butt-munch like 94% of the time. And I'm fairly positive I drive you sort of crazy when I do things like fold the toothpaste tube instead of roll it, or leave my shoes all over the floor, or leave strands of hair all over the bathroom wall (even though I cleverly shape it into secret messages for you.) I'm probably only kind of biased - but I think you're exceptionally kick-ass.
Thank you, for not divorcing me for openly swooning over the hot waiter at Texas Roadhouse. And then for agreeing with me that the pants he was wearing totally ruined him.
Thank you, for hugging me when I snore - instead of punching a hole through my face.
Thank you, for coming and picking me up on the side of the road when, in a fit of stubbornness, I try to run away.
Thank you, for cleaning pretty much everything without me having to nag you. Even if it's just because you are bored. Or because your wife failed at maintaining a drawer of clean underwear.
Thank you, for creating a positive connotation with the word stinky and lovingly refer to me as your stinky butt.
Thank you, for pretending like my failed attempts at cooking are the best thing since sour gummy worms.
Thank you, for letting me constantly write about you on my blog. The internet thanks you - and loves you.
Thank you, for watching super lame TV shows with me - and providing a commentary judging the hell out of the cast, so I don't feel so lame.
Thank you, for still marrying me even though I've been pretty much a needy, emotional wreck of a psychopath in the past.
Thank you, for letting me get a puppy. And for yelling at him when he poops inside, so I don't have to.
Thank you, for telling me I'm cuter than pretty much anyone. Even though we both know that Jessica Alba is way hotter.
Thank you, for letting my feet get pampered by my favorite preppy Asians, even though we now have a grown-up house payment.
Thank you, for working so hard to get our house looking perfect - and for putting up with my constant whines that it smells bad.
Thank you, for whispering sweet nothings into my ear every night and morning - even though I sometimes don't comprehend at all what you've said, due to being 90% asleep.
Thank you, for being patient with me when I'm not in the mood.
Thank you, for remembering to pray every night. And occasionally throwing in some good classy humor that has to make God chuckle.
Thank you, for cuddling with me at night, and then knowing when to back off because I'm getting too warm.
Thank you, for occasionally innocently throwing out a d or h word here or there - mostly because I think it's hilarious - and it makes me feel a little better about my cursing habits.
Thank you, for spoiling me rotten to the point that you let me get the chocolate covered granola bars, even though you like the normal (healthier) ones better.
Thank you, for making me laugh - until I pee.
Most of all,
Thank you, for being my perfect man. For being a wonderful example to me. For having all the patience in the world to deal with me complaining. For showing me that you'll be a wonderful father someday. For waking up at the butt crack of dawn to work hard to bring home the bacon. For being the complete epitome of selfless. And for loving me, even with as many weaknesses as I have - and managing to see my strengths where I see nothing. I love you a million gummy worms, sugar.
I'll be your Stinky Butt, always and forever.