Friday, August 6, 2010

Oompa Loompa Doopadee Doo

So, I managed to go on not one but two camping trips in one week.  We went boating at a lake about an hour away for the second round.  So instead of snakes, mice, and dead animals - there was earwigs, sharks*, and the most annoying squawking birds on the face of the planet.  Where's a shotgun when you actually need it.  Seriously.

Shawn and I set our very own tent that we got for our wedding.  Then, you know, we broke it in.  (Which, by the way, totally isn't an easy thing to when there is family looming outside your tent.  Just saying.)

We played card games.  I got extremely competitive.  My mother-in-law called me a sore loser.  And I'll just leave that at that.

Then we ate our gigantic tin foil dinners that I made.  Which I'm fairly positive is the cause of both dear husband and I completely destroying every bathroom in our path.  Oops.

Then we slept on our nice queen sized airbed.  Well, slept until Shawn shook or hugged me until I woke up, because I was snoring like a damn bear.  Sorry, man.

Then we waited on a beach for 3 hours while the first half of the family had their fun on the boat.  By wait, I mean I sat on a huge tube and burned alive in the sun while watching Shawn drown his little brother play frisbee with his dad and brother.  Oh.  And there was the most adorable little girl there.  And I almost kidnapped her.  Almost.

And then Shawn posed for some amusing sexy glamor shots.  Isn't he a gem?  Greow.

   (Words still cannot express how much I love the fact that he lets me post these.  Thanks, love.)

Then by the time the boat came back - we were all feeling a bit testy and needed to eat.  So we did.  (Talk about irrelevant detail.)

We boated.  We knee boarded.  (Mostly because this one jackwagon of a boat was ruining the good wake boarding water.)  And I hardly include myself in the 'we'.  I crashed and burned about 946 times before my thighs gave out on me and I was hyperventilating to the point where you'd have thought I just ran an effing marathon.  My mother in law even got out there and was jumping over wakes, and doing full turns.  Don't even get me started on my father in law.  He did the little one ski thing.  And he was insanely good.  I practically felt like I should have paid to watch his flawless water talent.  My word.  Talk about being the odd ball out.  Sheesh.

Then we tubed.  The sole water "sport" that I can proudly manage.  Mostly because I'm deathly afraid of just sitting in deep, dark water where I have no idea what sort of creature is going to slime up my leg.  Gag.  Oh, and because tubing requires absolutely no skill other than holding on.  Lucky for me, I was on the tube with my unusually muscular husband - and continued to get stuck in the middle of a father-son feud, with my father in law trying like crazy to throw Shawn off.  Only to fling me clean off the dang tube every time.

Oh.  And then my favorite part?  Totally giving his family a full frontal of my boobage when I finally got back on the boat.  Turns out those little spiffy life jackets don't stay zipped up.  And turns out all my fun little crashes got my swimsuit all up in the wrong places.  Leave it to me to manage to flash people while sporting a one piece, while I'm surrounded with bikini clad family members who can keep it all in place.  Good times.

And then my oh-so-observant husband spotted a piece of art among the clouds.

 By this point.  I'm totally and completely fried from head to toe.  And basically, that's just awesome.  

We go to Golden Corral and act like absolute savages who haven't eaten in years.  I pick out every deep fried piece of crap in there.  Because, why not put an extra 5 pounds on my toosh?

Then we finally came home.  I managed to get a glimpse of myself in the mirror - and about crapped my pants because I looked look like an Oompa Loompa.  Shawn slathered me in Aloe and I walked around butt naked for the next few hours because I couldn't be bothered to have clothes rubbing my burns and making me want to pretty much die.

(I put a sarong on for the picture.  Because I like to keep it sort of classy.  Oh, and this is only a portion of my totally and completely burned self.  How annoying is that tan burn line?)

Anyways, that's it for now.  I'm going to go continue writhing in menstrual cramp/burned body Hell working.  

May your weekend be sun-less filled with sunscreen, internet. 

*I know there are no sharks in lakes.  Being dramatic is just fun, okay?




  1. no hot showers for you! Yikes! Have fun peeling that beauty.

  2. Ouch, that burn looks like it hurts!! So sorry!

    How embarressing about climbing back into the boat and your chest coming out! That happened to me while life guarding...after I pulled a girl out of the water I realized my suit top was up over my embarressing!!

  3. i KNOW what you mean about tubing. it's all i can handle too. and despite that i haven't even tubed in years! i hate bodies of water that don't have painted-blue bottoms that i can see EVERYTHING that's in there with me. i don't do ocean. i don't do lakes or rivers, except to my knees. i'm just like that!

    fun burn lines.
    i also can't stand anything touching me (clothes, sheets, etc) when i'm burnt. this summer's been the summer of burns too, let me tell ya. my skin goes out to ya!

  4. wow that burn looks painful.
    Sounds like an eventful trip. I'm sure you wanted to stay out there for another week or so.
    I like tubing as well... and like you it's about the only water sport type thing I can do.
    Hope the burn fades quick with out much pain and peeling.

  5. sounds like you had hella funnnnnn!!! i so envy. lol :)

    oooh oompas. <3 willi wonka. i've always wished of having wallpapers you can lick flavors off lol

  6. Yeeeeaaah... my idea of a good time on a boat involves lots of drinks, magazines and napping. I don't go anywhere near the sporting equipment. The one time I went on a jet ski I ended up face first in the lake which is the main thing I AVOID when going out on the water.

  7. oh, man. Sending big virtual (totally touchless!) hugs for your burned bod and ego! Being the odd man out really sucks. Hope you feel better soon.

  8. we all have to show the world our boobage at some point...

    mine happened to be at a water park in 100 degree weather...when oh about 1 kabillion people were there...

    oh and there was the time a jellyfish got inside my one piece suit and i came running out of the water, peeling my suit off... galveston beach... hot summer time fun... way crowded... i was um FULLY developed... i think a DD cup by then... boobage flapping all over the place!

  9. Oh man I absolutely HATE sunburn, I had it all over my face and I literally looked like I had spent several hours in an oven.

  10. I hope that burn turns to tan ASAP. In the meantime, keep rockin' those halter top lines.

    Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting on my last post - I really appreciate it. :)

  11. LOL! It does look like a big Mickey Mouse giving the bird! LOVE IT! Ouch on that burn - keep on moisturizing and aloe-ing that up! Hope it gets better fast!