Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Slap Happy

I'm in a particularly foul mood right now.  (Run internet, RUN!)    There really is no particular explanation as to why - unless you count the fact that PMS may or may not have made it's grand entrance in the last few days.  Thank you, nature.  Life is actually going fairly well, actually - but for the sake of my sanity, I need to have a mini vent session - get a few virtual bitch slaps out of my system.  Plus, who doesn't love the occasional pre-menstrual vent session, blog style?

I hereby bestow virtual bitch slaps to the following people:

-One to the lady at Wendy's who thinks it's okay to shove her big A self right in front of a very hungry Chelsea who has been waiting in the drive thru line for 10 minutes.  Not okay(It took just about every ounce of strength I had not to totally and completely lay on my horn while she tried to order, whilst screaming expletives in her general direction.)  My hatred for butters stems clear back to Kindergarten.  Seriously.  Let's play by Aretha's rules and show a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t.   

-One to my husband (who I still love dearly), for arguing with me about when my period starts.  Bad idea.  Just, don't.

-One to the jack wagon who decided that tuition should cost 3 grand, plus my firstborn, every semester.

-One to the cabinet painter that totally threw our whole house renovation off schedule.  Luckily there was a vacancy at the in-law's place... I'll just leave that at that.

-One to the same chick who stands outside and begs for money every single day.  Sure, I get it, your life is hard, you don't have money, you've been wearing the same outfit for 8 months.  Hey, I know!  Save some of that hard earned panhandled money, buy yourself a nice outfit, and  get a job.  Maybe I'm heartless, but c'mon - getting a gig at the local Taco Bell can't be that hard.

-One to the doctor/dentist office, for not having hours outside normal business hours.  We aren't all stay at home people - throw us a bone.

-One to the fully grown man in my lobby who announced he had to use "the little boys room."  Grow up, dude.  Why do adults still refer to the restroom like they are 5 years old?  Let alone announce it in the first place?  You don't need to explain to me where you're going, I promise I don't care.

-One to Hannah Montana.  And that annoying Elizabeth chick on Bachelor Pad.  (Yes, I watch smut, and I like it.)  Because I can.

-One to every teledouche that continues to call back and harass me because they think I'm rude for hanging up on them 800 times in a row.  If getting hung up on gets your panties that twisted, perhaps you're in the wrong profession.

And finally, one big one to myself - for being in a most heinous mood.  Sorry, internet.  But I feel a tiny bit better now.  As long as traffic isn't a big piece of crap going home (because nothing kills a mood faster than bad traffic) and I can successfully hide from my in-laws (and everyone else, for that matter) in the guest bedroom and watch an embarrassing amount of Friends - all will be well.

If you have some slapping you need to take care of, feel free to do so in the comments section.  Let's be slap happy together, internet.

You know you want to.


  1. I hate line-butters and litter bugs. People have no consideration for others these days, it seems. And why would your bf pick the estimated arrival time of your period as an argument? Men should stay clear away from that topic!

  2. here's one to my idiot BIL for the sham of a marriage he's about to enter into in 3 days!!!!
    (bad sign when her ward decides to fit the bill for her send-off/reception....not to mention some other deadbeat/choice details that have come to light in the whole union!!!!!)

    thanks, chels. i definitely needed that!

  3. Friends is the perfect cure to everything. We watched 3 eps last night. I love them as if they were my own Friends (because, let's face it, they sorta feel that way after a while).

    And I hate when people say "The little girls/boys room" ...seriously? Class, people. Let's have some.

  4. omg. the picture is hilarious.

    good job on the rants though :) atleast you're able to let it out by writing it. :D mostly I do stupid things when I get pissed

  5. a good does of PMS does a marriage good!

    i get extremely ticked when my boss takes credit for all the work I've done... dammit! I did the research, built the program, did the data entry... not you! Get off your horse and give some kuddos where they belong!

  6. Ha! I have three very little kids, and I often catch myself telling other adults (with no children around) that I am going to the potty. Cause I'm awesome like that.

    I offer a virtual b-slap to the pre-school teacher who told me that my son "isn't the worst she's seen, but I've got one year to make him behave before it really counts" Eff that.

  7. Someone cut you in line?? SO not cool!

  8. Okay, Gina stole my line. I'm always saying I have to go potty. Occupational hazard.

    But besides that, I'm with you on the others. And teledouchers? My new favorite phrase.

  9. You've inspired me to use my blog for more therapeutic purposes. Because it's mine and I can.

    Thank you.

    I hope Friends was lovely.

  10. Damn. That's a lot of virtual bitch-slapping.

  11. To the client that gets pissed at ME when I can't understand his farsi/english(<-thats a stretch) jibberjabber! You have lived in America for 21 years, I thinks its time you learn the language damnit!

    Whew, that felt good! Thanks Chels.
    P.S. Who are all these people?