I'm in a particularly foul mood right now. (Run internet, RUN!) There really is no particular explanation as to why - unless you count the fact that PMS may or may not have made it's grand entrance in the last few days. Thank you, nature. Life is actually going fairly well, actually - but for the sake of my sanity, I need to have a mini vent session - get a few virtual bitch slaps out of my system. Plus, who doesn't love the occasional pre-menstrual vent session, blog style?
I hereby bestow virtual bitch slaps to the following people:
-One to the lady at Wendy's who thinks it's okay to shove her big A self right in front of a very hungry Chelsea who has been waiting in the drive thru line for 10 minutes. Not okay. (It took just about every ounce of strength I had not to totally and completely lay on my horn while she tried to order, whilst screaming expletives in her general direction.) My hatred for butters stems clear back to Kindergarten. Seriously. Let's play by Aretha's rules and show a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t.
-One to my husband (who I still love dearly), for arguing with me about when my period starts. Bad idea. Just, don't.
-One to the jack wagon who decided that tuition should cost 3 grand, plus my firstborn, every semester.
-One to the cabinet painter that totally threw our whole house renovation off schedule. Luckily there was a vacancy at the in-law's place... I'll just leave that at that.
-One to the same chick who stands outside and begs for money every single day. Sure, I get it, your life is hard, you don't have money, you've been wearing the same outfit for 8 months. Hey, I know! Save some of that
-One to the doctor/dentist office, for not having hours outside normal business hours. We aren't all stay at home people - throw us a bone.
-One to the fully grown man in my lobby who announced he had to use "the little boys room." Grow up, dude. Why do adults still refer to the restroom like they are 5 years old? Let alone announce it in the first place? You don't need to explain to me where you're going, I promise I don't care.
-One to Hannah Montana. And that annoying Elizabeth chick on Bachelor Pad. (Yes, I watch smut, and I like it.) Because I can.
-One to every teledouche that continues to call back and harass me because they think I'm rude for hanging up on them 800 times in a row. If getting hung up on gets your panties that twisted, perhaps you're in the wrong profession.
And finally, one big one to myself - for being in a most heinous mood. Sorry, internet. But I feel a tiny bit better now. As long as traffic isn't a big piece of crap going home (because nothing kills a mood faster than bad traffic) and I can successfully hide from my in-laws (and everyone else, for that matter) in the guest bedroom and watch an embarrassing amount of Friends - all will be well.
If you have some slapping you need to take care of, feel free to do so in the comments section. Let's be slap happy together, internet.
You know you want to.