Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Thanks, Google.

So I was perusing through some of the terms that people have Googled that magically led them to my blog.  There are some pretty amusing ones.  And ones that make absolutely no sense.  People Google some weird crap.  I've picked out a slew of my favorites to share - along with commentary - because I'm fun.

Buttcrack blogs by girl
(A blog purely dedicated to butt cracks?  Must be golden.)

Who laughs at nut shots?

Have people really died from P90X?   
(There are a TON of people who Google "P90X Death."  A TON.)

Neener chinto
(WTF?  I don't even want to know what comes up when that is Googled.)

   Chelsea is a poo

 "Fiber One" fart gas

Can bears smell ham?
(I imagine that my blog popped up on page 104 of this particular search.  Ham?) 

Poo poo on my hand
(Who the heck Googles 'Poo poo on my hand?)

Bears can feel menstruation
(Yes.  Most menstruating creatures can.)

Menopause moustache

Effects of menstruation on bears
(Anyone gathering that this particular post gets all sorts of hits?) 

Do high class hookers pole dance?
 (I wasn't even aware there even was such a category of hookers.  Just saying.)

Low ogestrel and burping
(Is there even a correlation?   Really?)

Mega boobs rica.com
(Sort of awkward.)

Armpit hair women full body
(I don't even understand what this person is trying to figure out?  Is there armpit hair all over her body?  Gnarly.)  

 Pole dance fat thighs
 (Again, what were the intentions of this fellow Googler?  I'm not sure I even want to know, but I doubt they found what they were looking for on my blog)

 Menstruation doesn't smell right

"She rips off her shirt" movie

Low ogestrel gives you big boobs

 Armpit hair
(Is this a broad search, or what?)

I smelled someone on their menses then I began mine
 (Thank you.  Google appreciates this small gem of knowledge.)

A physco who stalks people at giant
(I sort of love that this search brought up my blog as a result, somewhere.  Kind of hilarious.  Kind of sad.)   

Wasn't that enlightening?  I love how every search is borderline, if not totally, inappropriate.  That probably doesn't reflect so well on my blog.  Except for I know pretty well what specific posts they were probably led to with most of those searches.  I promise I talk about stuff other than periods, poop and farts.  Perhaps my goal should get search engines to find me with terms such as, "Inspirational stories" or "How to be a better person" or "Motivational blogs" or "Reasons to be happy."  But lets be honest, the chance of that happening is just about as great as Britney Spears remembering to wear underwear.  I'll just stick to the butt crack, nut shot and pole dancing stories - because the reactions I get are priceless.  And because I know the internet loves nothing more than to read about all the detailed aspects of my life that all the other Bloggers are too scared classy to share.    

Anyone ever find your blog with a totally awkward search term? 



  1. Hahaha...enlightening indeed.

    How did you go about finding that on Google?

  2. i have blogged for 5 years now, and i have no idea how to check this! clue me in, chels.

  3. I think "Armpit hair women full body" is also a pervert. Think it through...

    With my family blog, somebody searched for "little boy underpants" and found my blog where I talked about potty training my son. And then came back every day. I took that blog off the search engines.

    With my "fun" blog, it's always stuff that I would think are keywords anyway; characters, authors, celebrities or story-specific titles like "Mord Sith" or "Hobbits", so that's comforting to know that google sometimes does its job right.

  4. blind my glasses shower... I don't remember writing about my glasses, and I *usually* remember to take them off before I get in the shower so I don't know how that came.

    But I'm glad the google searcher got me.

  5. I use Blog Patrol - I imagine any stat counting site, like Google Analytics would show you the different searches that reached your blog. :)

  6. How come receeding hair doesnt pull your blog up?


    I googled woman who gives her man too much shit and you were number 1.

    But you were also number 1 on cool chick blogs googled too.

    You are too f-ing funny.

  7. I have never paid any attention to the search words that brought folks to my blog... you have made me quite curious!!

    You hairy armpit, pole-dancing, farting, big-boobied hooker! Love your stuff!

  8. um, NOTHING as "vibrant" as yours! HAHAHA!

  9. HOLY hell that is HILARIOUS! That is def. one of the best posts ever!!!

  10. enlightening. hilarious. disturbing.

  11. Hi-larious!! And I thought some of the search keywords that led people to my blog were strange. Armpit hair? Menstruating bears?! Weird! haha

    Stopping by from 20SB, love the blog :)

  12. Hahaha. I know I only recently started reading you, but maybe I have totally misjudged what your blog is REALLY about. ;)

  13. Obviously, you get way more google search hits than I do, but when I do get them, they're always really creepy, like "kids spanked naked" and "nudist boys". And 9 times out of 10 the perv is from England. Weird, no? For a year now I have been toying with making my blog private because I don't want creepy child porn addicts accidentally landing on my blog. And for the record, I never used the phrase "kids spanked naked" in any blog post. I just happened to use all three of those words in the same post.

  14. Hahaha. Who the heck googles some (or most) of those things? And why?! That's hilarious.

  15. I never have anything even remotely as interesting as these pop up for my blog. Mine are all pretty straight forward searches about "tucker max" or "napoleon's book of fate" and I'm starting to think I don't blog about interesting enough topics.

  16. Isn't Analytics the best? Lol. People are so messed up. I've gotten some doozies before for my own blog. But they're great because, like you said, of the reactions you get from seeing what led people to your blog.

  17. I love the search terms that lead people to our blogs. You wouldn't believe how many people searched that girls fake boob falling out on Jersey Shore. (I had written about it)

  18. LOL. That's awesome.

    Psst. I left you an award on my blog. ;)

  19. hellloooo...person i don't know, but read now. ...come check out what i wrote on bethany's site!!http://organicenchilada.blogspot.com/2010/08/walk-mile-modern-dating.html