Friday, November 12, 2010

Green Poop

Who misses bullets?

I do.

-Shawn and I bought a tree skirt at WalMart the other day.  Ask me if we have a tree to even put it around?  Because we sure don't.  We bought some Christmas wrapping paper too - because, why not?  Christmas is in 42 days and the only Christmas supplies we own are a tree skirt and wrapping paper.  I think my husband secretly wants to splurge on one of those horrifying Santa/snowman/penguin blow up spectacles people put on their roof.  But I sort of secretly judge people that put anything but lights on their roof.  Just saying.

-After deciding not to pimp our dog out to the ladies, we finally made the appointment to hack of Toby's manhood.  Pleasant, right?  A part of me is a little nervous he'll hate me for life afterwards.  The other part secretly wishes that Toby could understand me when I tell him that karma's a huge bitch.  (I love my dog, but sometimes I want to sell him to the circus.) 

-Remember when I posted about Shawn's birthday - and how I was such a superior individual for thinking about it so soon in advance?  Well, his birthday is next Friday - and other than giving him an all-day free ride pass for certain naked activities, I've got nothing.  

-Turns out single-handedly eating an entire Costco size bag of pretzel M&Ms turns your poop green.  For three days.  (Your welcome.)

-Speaking of Shawn's birthday - Harry Potter comes out the same day.  So naturally we are going to the midnight showing.  Oh wait.  We couldn't get tickets to the midnight.  So we're going at three o'bloody clock in the morning.   If it were any other day, this would so not be kosher.  My thoughts are, what's the point of seeing it at 3 in the morning, people have already seen it before you - it isn't cool anymore.  You may as well go the next morning.  But then again, I'm really not a die-hard Harry Potter fan.  I'd be lying if I said I've read the books.  Yeah.  I said it.  My 5th grade teacher read us the first one, and for whatever ridiculous reason, whenever a teacher reads a book to a class, I pretty much hate it.  So needless to say, I haven't tried since then.  Oh wait, I did, and couldn't get past the first 20 pages.  I've horrified plenty of people with this.  I promise I'm still a cool person though.

-Shawn held a baby for the first time in, oh, ten years.  It was adorable.  And thus my ovaries raged.

Okay, so this is a short one - because I have to go.  
Maybe it's better that way.

Happy Weekend, Internet.


  1. And here I was thinking I wanted to try those pretzel M&Ms. I may have to rethink that one.

    Did you just say your 5th grade teacher read you the first Harry Potter? I suddenly feel really old. When you were in 5th grade...I was...

    I'm not saying.

  2. "and other than giving him an all-day free ride pass for certain naked activities, I've got nothing."

    People tell me all the time that I say things on my blog that they think but would never say out loud. Me thinks they haven't read your blog. Hello!

  3. We decided to whack off our puppy's bits too, and the vet nicked an artery, and his sack swelled up to the size of a softball, only filled with blood, and they had to put a stent in it. And then he had to wear one of those cone collars and dribble blood all over our house for 4 days until the swelling went down. Thank God we had wood floors, but it was still terrible.
    I wanted to give him to circus too.

  4. Eating those blue tortilla chips also turn your poop green. I used to think I was sick, but I just ate nachos at work too much.

  5. Okay, ew, on the green poop thing. But isn't that, like, because you've taken in too much iron or something? Maybe that's an old wives' tale or something. Who knows.

    And you've never read Harry Potter. Shame... HP saved my life... well, Ron Weasley, in a dream I had one time, but, same diff.

  6. sorry for your green poop malady. doesn't sound dreamy. as for your thoughts on harry potter? we don't do harry potter in our home. i kind of have issues with the whole idea of kids dabbling in sorcery/wizardry & witchcraft. ya know? bugs me. so yeah, none of the books here. plus, years ago we tried to be ok with the 1st movie, but we didn't even see the whole thing and i had to shut it off. didn't work for me. then that night daisy started having nightmares, which continued for almost 3 months! so, needless to say, we're more than okay without HP in our lives. :)
    no love lost. you & i can still be best blog buddies!

  7. Here's the tip of the century:

    go the day AFTER Christmas and buy your decorations. We bought a fake tree for 70% off. and it's awesome. It takes a while to build up your deco, but it's worth waiting, and it does suck, cuz you have to put your newly purchased items in the box... and can't really hang them up, but next Christmas it's totally worth it!

  8. :)
    not gonna lie,
    to read your remarks regarding
    my testimony,
    well it made my day.
    thank you!

  9. Ha ha ha your Harry Potter confession made me laugh! I'm the exact same way! See all the movies on opening weekend, but I only read the first book, and 20 pages of the 2nd. :)

    Yes I'm a random stranger but I love your blog!