Monday, December 20, 2010

Non-Alcoholic Beer, Underwear Shopping, & Butt Talents

Even though I'm sure you'd like to read the vagina post about 5 more times - let's move on, shall we?

My weekend. Bullet style.

-Shawn spent about three and a half hours finishing up a final for an online class - while I paced around the house completely bored out of my mind.  You know, Friday night was so dull, that I can't even remember what we did up to the point that I decided going to bed would be more productive than anything we were doing.  Oh wait, I remember.  We cleaned.  We cleaned on Friday night.  And after that I just went to bed - because I couldn't be bothered to come up with any fun activities.  

-Shawn stayed up and hung out with our friend Darin.  Until 2.  While they were sitting on the couch, Toby (who was probably half awake at that point), jumped up with Shawn and moments after totally peed all over him.  Had it been me Toby peed on, we would no longer own a dog.  But I couldn't help but laugh when Shawn told me about it.  How many wife points does that get me?

-Saturday we went underwear shopping - because someone has been stealing mine.  Seriously.  I don't know where the heck they've all gone - but I found myself putting my undies in the wash every 4 days.  And that is irritating.

-We also went to Wal Mart on Saturday.  Bad idea.  Aside from the mall, I don't know a worse place someone could be the Saturday before Christmas.  And people didn't go to shop for 2 or 3 things - no, people had their baskets brimming with toys, and beef sticks, and whateverthehell else people buy the Saturday before Christmas.  I had just a tiny bit of anxiety.  Especially when every line I got in seemed to be longer than the one I had just ditched.  Maybe I should stop trying to line hop, because no matter where I go, there is some moron who doesn't know how to use a self-checkout, or has 4,739,248,920,849,208,492,308 coupons to redeem, or has 3 items without prices.  Or maybe I just need to stop shopping at Wal Mart.

-In my meager attempt to become a master of the kitchen, I made indoor s'mores - and they were delicious.  (Minus the fact that I got a little Pam happy with the dish I set them in.)  Golden Grahams, marshmallows, chocolate chips, corn syrup, and butter.  Drool.  I realize that my dog could have made them.  Blind.  But still.  Baby steps.  Soon I'll be making souffl√© and... other fancy sounding things.

-I walked into my room to find this:

Thanks for that, husband.  Let's not squash any of the spiders in our home.  Let's save them.

-Saturday night consisted of an embarrassing amount of time farting around on FrontierVille.  When we could have, you know, showered or something.  After that week of finals though, I would have been perfectly content to stare at a ceiling for 2 hours.  I feel so exhausted

-Our friends finally came over to watch a movie.  We watched Despicable Me, while half of the guys sat and drank non-alcoholic beer.  Only in Utah.

-Sunday brought multiple church meetings and an extended family Christmas party.  We brought our pretzel Jell-o salad (which, by the way, didn't look like throw up this time) and some indoor s'mores.  I have a feeling that those will be the only desserts I "cook" for any party.  Ever.  

-My family goes all out on the Christmas party.  Tons of food.  White elephants (which, by the way, my family was sure that Shawn and I brought something completely inappropriate - which we totally didn't.  Unfortunately.)  Talent show.  Sometimes even a nativity production.  And of course, stories from grandpa.  As the talent show approached, Shawn and I panicked a little bit because the only (appropriate) talent we had worth showing was sleeping in the bathroom back at our house.  So I tried to hurry and jot down a quick poem, because I'm good at poetry, remember?  Okay, so not really.  But still.  I couldn't really get past the first few lines - so I gave up.  We sat and watched as my younger cousins busted out all sorts of talent.  Shakespeare monologues, piano pieces, singing, cellos, guitars, tambourines, banjos - and I think my favorite one was my little cousin who played the harp - the tiniest, cutest little harp ever.  So finally they got to Shawn and I, and you want to know what our talent was? We spelled Merry Christmas with our butts.  Yeah.  How's that for talent?  Needless to say, we plan on being better prepared next year.  Cough.

-Oh!  And - Shawn proposed to me a year ago, yesterday.  Tee heeeeeeeee.

Hope ya'll had a super duper weekend!  Good luck getting the rest of your shopping done this week - if you're anything like me and still have presents to buy people.  Fist pump for procrastination!

Au revoir, Internet.


  1. Ugh. Non alcoholic beer is gross. And I totally know how it feels to be exhausted from doing nothing.

  2. If my husband (theoretically speaking, of course) left a spider like that for me to find...well, there would be no husband anymore.

  3. Non alcoholic beer... hehe... My dad used to drink that sometimes, and we lived in Colorado!

    I hate Wal-Mart this time of year. It's crowded and makes me anxious all the time anyway, but there's nothing like shopping anywhere (The Mall is bad, too!) days before the biggest shopping holiday of the year. You are brave. Very, very brave!

  4. Way to class up the joint with a little butt talent. During your exhibition, Jessica turned to me, laughing, saying, "I can't even watch!".

  5. Wal Mart sucks at any time of year. But in the redneck land Im in, it is even worse. So much flanel and camo. And so little teeth.

  6. My best buddy in the whole entire world and I started cooking with ramen... and eventually moved into fancy things like really good cheesecake.

    it's the baby steps that count, I promise.