Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Wednesday Confessional

The honest truth?


I'm lazy.  The first thing I want to do when I get home is sit on the couch.  Apparently sitting on my ass for 8 hours a day in an office is just too exhausting.  And in my own defense, in a really weird way, it can be.

I'm addicted to taking pregnancy tests - even when I know I'm not pregnant.  

I may or may not calculate what my due date would be if I were to magically get knocked up on any given month.  (And just in case you're wondering, last month's date was 11/11/11.  I win.)

Most women complain that their husbands don't help out around the house enough.  I complain that my husband won't stop cleaning.  Wife points.

I don't think my dog likes me - which has me inexplicably paranoid that I'm going to be a terrible mother.

I can't wait to have our house completely to ourselves.  I will sex as loud as I want, gossip as loud as I want, and listen to music as loud as I want.

I feel like I've gained 1,800 pounds since high school - and irrationally fear that people notice and talk about it.

Still have dead baby dreams - and dreams about ex-boyfriends.   In fact, I think I've dreamed about every dude in my life except my husband.  

I have a completely physical crush on my company's IT dude.  It's a little inside joke with me and the work girls - and if they ever told him, I'd die a little bit inside.  It wouldn't make him any less sexy though.  Rawr.  (Oh, hey husband, I LOVE YOU.)

I am perfectly capable of consuming an entire package of Coconut Dreams within the span of a few hours.  Which is unfortunately more depressing than it is impressive.

I think Glee is turning into a terrible show.  They're trying to prevent reckless alcohol and sex shenanigans?  Really?  No wonder there are twenty eight pregnant girls at the high school I went to.  Twenty eight.

I am so ready to be done at this job.  But am mildly nervous for the new one I start in a week - not because I don't think I can handle it - but because I'll be working very different hours than I'm currently working - and we all know how I feel about change.

I finally figured out Twitter - and I kind of like it.



Fun, right?

Your turn.


13 comments:

  1. Wow, we have a lot in common. My hubbs wont stop cleaning too. My dog looks at me like I am a pathetic excuse for a human. I love to sit on the couch, with my computer, for hours. I can eat a load of coconut ice cream, a bag of shredded coconut, and coconut dreams, and feel fine.

    My big difference is that I am knocked up, and am rapidly realizing that is kinda sucks a big one. You become someone who is totally not yourself: a pimply, weird, lumpy, grumpy, weepy version of yourself who only wants to eat candy and cheeseburgers. I used to be a vegetarian, dang it! Whats the matter with me!?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't stand Glee. It might have something to do more with my serious issue with musicals though. Not all, just most.

    I wish my husband would clean.

    You'll kick ass at the new job.

    Your dog might not like you (which I doubt)...but your child will love you. Until they're a teenager. I refuse to believe this though. I'm in denial about the teen years.

    I have no idea what coconut dreams are.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha. This list = awesome.

    I totally get what you mean with your first point. 8 hours of sitting in front of a screen IS bizarrely exhausting...

    ReplyDelete
  4. wow love that honesty, so where are you in twitter?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hate GLAY. Never watched it and Hate it.
    I clean too much.
    I will not talk about what I dream off. Im a perv.
    Please dont sex too loudly. Sound waves travel.
    Pee'ing on sticks is fun.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ha If you're addicted to taking pregnancy tests now...then I recommend that you never watch "I didn't know I was pregnant" or you WILL think you are, all the time.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love you.

    I hate to break it to you, but Glee was never a good show. I know this is shocking coming from a high school theatre teacher and musical theatre fanatic.... but it's true.

    Addicted to taking pregnancy tests??? That's hilarious. And I agree that sitting 8 hours on your butt is exhausting and I would need the couch.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Okay, so you're pretty much adorable. I think the reason I'm afraid of buying pregnancy tests is because I know I would use them even when there is no possible way I'd be pregnant. Just to be sure. I'd waste a lot of money.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I wish you would tell me the secret to the husband cleaning bit. I would love to train mine for that.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You're such a heathen. :)

    Glee is starting to suck, isn't it? I haven't even watched this week's episode yet.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I want to stab the creators of Glee. Really I do. I have never watched a single episode.
    Also, I miss uninhibited sexy times in a house without a child...what? too much information?
    Also, twitter? you will get easily addicted. Welcome to the dark side...muwhahahah

    ReplyDelete
  12. Girl you are SO brave to share all this on the interwebs! I would totally open up if so many of my coworkers and friends IRL didn't read my blog!!!

    And I love that you've figured out Twitter, b/c I love tweeting with yoU!!!
    <3

    ReplyDelete