Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Why Sleep When You Can Blog?

For the past two days I've been technically "unemployed."  And I sort of loved having those days to myself to sleep in until 11, and then do pretty much whatever the heck I want.  If the last two days had a theme song, it would be this:

In fact, come to think of it - that would make a good life theme song.  Well, at least for me, Lazy McLazerson.  Heyo.  Bruno Mars does it again.

Anyways, I should be getting ready for bed right now since I have to be up at the ass crack of dawn to get ready for orientation of my new job.  And since I have to be there when I would normally still be sleeping - it should be fun.  And by fun I mostly mean it won't be fun at all.  But I still wanted to check in with ya'll - because I can.

-I finally bought Shawn his real Valentine's gift - a ticket to A Day to Remember concert.  I told him that that's what I'd get him back in Februrary, you know, along with the proverbial iPad I got him.  Ever since then , he's been mustering up all the sarcastic passive aggression he possible can and exclaims, "Thank you so much for getting me that concert ticket for Valentine's Day!"  And a sister can only handle so much of that painintheassery - so I finally went and got it, mostly so he'd just shut the eff up about it.  And maybe kind of because the concert may or may not be in less than a week.  Oh, and also because I love him.

-Last night Shawn and I measured our boobs with the measuring tape from his tool chest.  Yes.  We measured our boobs.  According to our calculations, I'm a AA and he's a D.  Just in case anyone forgot what the portion sizes are in our family - here's a friendly reminder...

Needless to say, our measurements were off.  (Also, on a completely unrelated note, don't ever tell me you have the whitest skin ever.  I will beat you.  Every. time.)  So tonight we took a trip to Victoria's Secret to get measured for realsies.  (Well, Shawn didn't get measured - he doesn't want to believe he's anything but a D.)  Anyways, I'm proud to say I graduated a cup size since my last bra - and it isn't a double A.  If the rest of me is going to get fat, my boobs may as well come along for the ride.

-I think Shawn was a little disappointed that I purchased the less expensive bra that doesn't push my boobs up to my chin and automatically make them look a full cup size bigger.  I'm mostly impressed that he was more than willing to let me spend fifty two dollars on a BRA.  I'll tell you what Victoria's Secret isn't.  Good riddance.

-I finally had a dream that I had babies - and they didn't die.  PROGRESS.

-Speaking of sleeping, I have been waking up in the middle of the night a lot more.  And I have no idea why - because I usually sleep so dang deep that Riverdance could be performing in my living room, and I'd never know it.  The other night I woke up because I could have sworn that it sounded like Toby was stuffed down our vent, and barking.  I know.  What in the hell?  I was so confused.  Right as I was about to ask my husband why the eff our dog was in our vent - I heard him snoring the weirdest snore ever.  Yeah, it was him.

-I've eaten 2 tubs of cottage cheese in the last week and a half.  And that makes me kind of depressed.  Who on Earth eats that much cottage cheese?  I guess it's a step up from Coconut Dreams.  Except not really.

-I DVR every single episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant - I'm that lame.  I love watching it.  I just don't understand how these women can drink, and smoke, and give birth to their babies in toilets and amusement park bathrooms - and have perfectly healthy babies.  I find it absolutely fascinating.  And sometimes I cry.  Because hello?  Babies!

I really have plenty more I could spout off, but I need to go figure out what I'm wearing tomorrow - because we all know that can soak up a precious chunk of time in the morning...

Wish me luck!


  1. Wait till you get pregnant, and someone's baby cries in the same store you are in, and your boobs ignite like some wildfire. Its the weirdest thing ever. Boobs are strange.

  2. Woohoo!!! I hope you love, love, love your new job!!!

  3. Wait till you get milk jugs when you get pregnant. You could bounce a
    Quarter off of em. Then they deflate and look all sad and stuff and you will really ha e to spend a gagillion dollars buying bras that make them look semi normal. Oh boobs

  4. hey, maybe sometime we could just get together and talk about our ovaries? It would be a big relief- BABY HUNGRY!!!!!!!! At least you have the guy in place. BAH! Seriously though, i love that you talk about it. love love. love love love. i feel like such a freak that i'm a single 21 year old girl who is obsesssssed with her empty womb. i feel like people think it's odd. because they do. but it's so not. BABIES! I am a live-in nanny, and read and network with and guest post on mom blogs, and all i really want to write about on my new blog is how i want babies, cuz that would be a good place to get that portion of my psychosis out of my system, but i feel like i have to hold back even there -GIVE ME YOUR BABY!!!! do you ever clench your jaw and start walking quickly when you see babies at the grocery store? i hate the grocery store. i'm stopping now :)))

  5. LOL at the ovaries explosion. Greg and I have done the same thing with the measuring tape. I actually worked at Victoria's Secret for 4 years in college and I know how to measure for bras. I miss those days -- every time a new bra came out, we would always get it for free. I had a crap ton of bras. Now it feels weird to pay that much for them.