Monday, June 13, 2011

Chelsea's 10 Easy Steps to Saving Money

Step One:  Lose your purse.  (Preferably after you've "lost" several other items over the past few days, including but not limited to your keys, a jump drive, and your favorite jewelry.  Because you've magically aged 83 years in two days.)

Step Two:  Call everyone you know at an ungodly hour in the morning and ask if they've seen it anywhere.

Step Three:  Cry, when not a single person knows where it is and all efforts of locating your purse are 100% fruitless.  (Also because you're tired and Aunt Flo is having a battle royale with your uterus.)

Step Four:  Check your car for the 53rd time.  Just in case.

Step Five:  Turn on your selective hearing and ignore your husband when he suggests where it might be.

Step Six:  Automatically assume the absolute worst and call the credit card company to cancel all your debit/credit cards and pin number.

Step Seven:  Cry.

Step Eight:  Start creating a police report online (because apparently that's a thing now) even though you know it won't do a dang thing.

Step Nine:  Shrivel up and die a little bit when your husband walks in the room mid-police report and informs you that you left your purse at your in-law's house when you were there for a grand total of 8 minutes earlier that night.

Step Ten:  Cry.  Either because you're happy that your purse wasn't stolen, or because you're pretty sure you're losing your mind.  Or all of the above, because during this time of the month, you can.

Voila!  Now you have your purse, but can't use any of your credit cards or access your bank account for at least the next 4 days.  Money saved.  Genius.  Pure genius.

You're welcome.


  1. I wish I could comment in huge font because I would comment with HA, HA! Just as huge as I could because this truly made me laugh.
    Glad you found your purse, sorry about Aunt Flo and all the drama....

  2. Oh no! I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that! I'm horrible about misplacing things, but fortunately the only time I left my purse somewhere (in a shopping cart at WALMART of all places--ugh) it was returned to me quickly and with everything intact!!

  3. Eeks! I would have vomited. For rizzo.

  4. Wow, why haven't I thought of this before?! lol. You're amazing. I'm glad you found your purse, at least!!

  5. I know exactly how you feel! It always makes it worse when you've searched for hours and the hubs makes minimal effort and finds it!

  6. hahahahahahaha.....apparently it IS a proven, most effective method to stay away the wallet moths! :D