Tuesday, August 30, 2011

5 Perfectly Valid Reasons

This last weekend mostly sucked balls.

Reason 1

So there I was, working from the comfort of my own home when all of a sudden I hear a super high pitched humming sound coming from somewhere in our house.  Being on a call, I couldn't just tell the customer, "I'm pretty sure my house is going to blow up in 5 seconds, please hold."  So I finished the call and went outside my office and smelled something burning.  Great.  The noise stopped for a minute, but then came back even louder.    I finally try turning off the AC, and the noise stops.  Bingo.  Turns out the motor on our 6 year old furnace decided to bite the dust.  Which is just great, when you live in a desert, in the beating hot middle of  the damn summer.  I do absolutely terrible in heat.  Sweat is not my friend.  And when I'm sweating like a hooker in the Cistine Chapel in my own home, I whine.  Like a 2 year old.  Especially when I'm drugged up on lady hormone pills.  Let me tell you, menopause-like hot flashes in 90 degree house weather does not equal anything pleasant.  For anyone.  Ever.

Long story short, it took a whopping $600 to fix our AC.  Because, you know, we have 600 dollars just laying around.

Reason 2

The stupid, blasted, $#@$#@%@$@$#@$#@%#$ Hurricane Irene.  Yeah, I live in Utah.  I didn't have to deal with the actual weather (and I sincerely hope everyone that DID have to deal with the weather, is okay), but working for an airline, I had to deal with every single pompous jackass who was sure that they were entitled to more than we could offer them.  We cancelled flights for three days, and when you have to tell people that they can't fly home for another week due to all the flights already being full, people go batshit crazy.  I know these people need to get home, I understand it's super frustrating.  But if I don't have a seat on a plane to put you on, there's nothing I can do.  So many people think that we can just pull magic wands out our ass to create a seat for them.  Or that because they have jobs, and school, and super important things to attend to - they should have priority over everyone else.  NEWSFLASH: Everyone else is trying to get home for the same. exact. reasons.  I would literally shake during certain calls, where I had to just sit there and listen to people telling me to screw myself, and other fun things.  And apparently I'm still bitter.

So between hundreds of customers screaming at me, telling me that I've personally destroyed their life, and the mandatory overtime I've had to work over the weekend - needless to say, there have been tears.  And lots of swear words.  

Reason 3

My Jeep starting making this weird clicking noise whenever I'd accelerate.  And obviously something is wrong with it.  I took it in somewhere to get a code pulled, to see if that would tell us what was wrong with it. And the guy was basically a huge incompetent moron, and said he didn't know what it was.  So when we came to pick the Jeep back up, Shawn's car overheated.  Keep in mind, this is happening the same day our AC went out.

Shawn takes his car to get looked at, they tell him it has something to do with his thermostat.  And since it's a BMW thermostat, it instantly costs 32904832904832904823904 dollars more.  Or $500, if we're being honest.  I fully expected the part to plated top to bottom in gold.  They finally call us back on Monday and tell us they've installed the new thermostat, and his car is still overheating.  Soooo, you just charged us out our ass for a new thermostat that we didn't even need?  Solid job, Firestone.

So we still haven't gotten the Jeep looked at, because it's in better condition than the BMW currently.  And now we have to take Shawn's car somewhere else to find out what kind of ungodly amount of cash we'll have to pay for that repair.

Reason 4

Before any of this happened, Shawn had secretly planned out this super romantic weekend for us.  There wasn't anything special to celebrate, he just wanted to do it because he's the best husband in the history of ever.  He had a room booked at Anniversary Inn, massage appointments made, and we were going to go watch Tangled up at the Capitol "under the stars."  We ended up having to cancel the massage appointment because the AC guy was still at our house.  I gave them my sob story, and luckily they let us switch it to later that night.  We go get our massages and decide to run to Wendy's to get some food, and then try to watch maybe the tail-end of Tangled.  

So we walk into Wendy's and there's about 749 volleyball players in line.  So we decide to just go through the drive through.  While we were waiting, I decided it would be fun to play Farkle (the overly-addicting dice game).  Shawn was paying attention to the dice and accidentally let off the brake pedal just enough that he rear ended the person in front of us.  Because apparently we hadn't had enough curve balls for one day.  

Luckily it was only some minor scratches, and the woman was totally nice about it.  But it was enough send my poor husband completely over the edge.  On top of that, by the time we finally got to the Capitol, everyone was leaving.  

Reason 5

My fifth reason is going to be the "mostly" part of our absolutely turd luck weekend.  Because even though most of it sucked royal ass, it wasn't all bad.  We stayed in the Jungle Safari room at the Anniversary Inn, and the shower was an elephant!  Best. kindofmostawkward. shower ever.  Once we got over the shock of just how bad our day was, we were able to enjoy ourselves at the hotel.  At this point, we can actually look back and laugh at it.  Because seriously?  Who has that bad of luck, all in one day.  I like to think of it as a good test of our relationship, to see how we'd cope with all the crap life threw at us.  And I think we did a pretty damn good job of  handling it.  GOLD STAR for Team Milne!  And we definitely noticed the Lord's tender mercies along the way.  All the overtime I had to work, is definitely going to help out our bank account.  And we had some money leftover from Shawn's school loan that we could have used if we absolutely needed to.  And even though Shawn thinks his plans went all wrong.  I think that fun overnight stay couldn't have happened at any better time.

And also?  We have a 4 in 2 billion chance of winning $5,000 dollars a week for the rest of our lives on Wednesday from Publisher's Clearinghouse.  Our fortunes from Panda Express have us convinced we're going to win.  Because, hello, that's likely.  Besides, who am I to argue with Panda Express?

Anyways.  Basically, our weekend sucked - but it could have been totally worse.  We survived.  And all signs point to winning millions of dollars.  So I suppose we can't really complain. 

Stay tuned.

1 comment:

  1. Um, that's a REALLY bad day. I want to say something positive, but holy shi. Yoi are correct though, it's a testament to your marriage that you got through it all well together!