Monday, October 10, 2011

Free Time? I Have It.

The other day I kept finding random fruit flies in pretty much every room I walked into.  Which is not only disgusting, but extremely irritating.  I had absolutely no idea where they were coming from.  As I was explaining my theory of fruit flies evolving out of nothing to my husband, he opened the cupboard under our kitchen sink.  And that's precisely when the whole freaking mother load of fruit flies decided to swarm our kitchen.  Shawn pulled a bag of potatoes out and we new exactly where the fruit flies were coming from. (And yes, we are probably the only people in the entire world that keep potatoes under our sink.  Go ahead and judge us.)  I didn't completely lose it until Shawn handed me the bag of rotten, smelly, moldy, dripping bag of fruit fly potatoes.  He wasn't wearing pants (what else is new?), so I had to run the bag out to the garbage.  And yes, I drama queened it up the whole way to the garbage.  Screaming and all.  I'm sure I concerned our neighbors just a tad.  Shawn may as well have handed me a damn grenade.


The next morning, I didn't have a car to go anywhere, so I decided I'd unearth the disaster underneath our kitchen sink.  Because clearly we weren't paying enough attention down there.  

Wait for it.

Right?  No wonder we were breeding an army of tiny bitch flies down there.  

I started emptying the cupboards, when I hit a goldmine that I'm 74% sure would land me right in the middle of an episode of Hoarders.

I think it's safe to say that there were at least 15 or so bags stuffed in each one of those bags.  (Yes, we are bad people and don't use the eco-friendly bags for our groceries.  Judge away.)  I'm not at all certain why we've felt it necessary to stow away every single freakin' grocery bag we've ever possessed - besides using them as garbage bags in the bathroom and Toby poop bags.  But nevertheless, I wanted more organization.  (Because apparently I inherited the "Clean things that no will ever notice" trait from my lovely mother.)  So I spent at least three hours turning this...

Into this....

Check me out!  The fact that I spent such an effing long time doing grocery bag origami, is a little embarrassing.  But the fact that it saves a BUTT ton of space, makes me feel less loser and more awesome.  I happily reported to Shawn that I had been somewhat productive with my time off.  (Because it's hard to feel completely productive when something so lame takes that long.)  When he got home, I proudly opened the cupboard and told him to find what I had spent a majority of the day doing.  

He gave me the most confused look ever and muttered, "It took you three hours to clean out the cupboard?"    (Men.  I don't think my eyes could have rolled any further into my cranium.)  After pretending to be supremely offended, I told him to keep looking, and he finally found my Ziploc bag full of grocery bags.  And he had no idea what they were.  Which was precisely the moment I realized I had probably just wasted 4 hours of my day.  When he finally figured out what they were, he shrugged and said, "Coooooool."  At which point I went from this

To this...

In about 4.3 seconds.
(GIFs make life so much better.)

I blamed boredom and lack of a car for my random urge to fold 79 million grocery bags, at which point my husband informed me that I had the car the whole time.  Apparently his brother had come and picked him up for work.  I pretty much died right there in that moment.

The good news is that my cupboard is clean, and people who aren't  members of Pinterest are going to think I'm freakin' Obi Wan of organizational skills.

The other good news is that I have a video of my husband battling fruit flies, half naked, with a spatula.  Which I will show to you now.

(I was still semi traumatized from the bag of potatoes, which is what I'm going to blame for sounding so annoying in this video.)

I think we win the award for classiest family ever.

You are welcome.


  1. Imagine my delight when i realized I have seen the very twilight zone episode that your first gif is from. :)
    And the folding of the grocery bags plus the video of the fly swatting is proof positive that you either need a baby or a new hobby, cause you have way too much free time! :) Kidding, of course. But are you going to fold all your bags now, or just try to survive for the next twenty years on the ones you folded?

  2. LMAO... grocery bag origami. You kill me.

  3. Is that the "wish you into the cornfield" Twilight Zone episode? Those grocery bags are out of control organized now. I can't even handle it!

  4. I totally keep my potatoes under the sink, and I forget about them all the time. And I'm impressed with your bag folding skills - but I'm thinking we should call you a bag lady now? :)

  5. stuff a cute empty tissue box willy nilly with your bags as you acquire them, set them on your counter and rip out one at a time as your dog poops. or transform a tee shirt into an eco shopping bag