Monday, December 12, 2011

He Says, She Hears.

And by he, I mean my husband.
And by she, well, I won't undermine your intelligence.

He Says:  "We should try to eat healthier."
She Hears: "Maybe you should take it easy on the Coconut Dreams, tubby."

He Says: "Do you want a massage?"
She Hears: "Wanna have sex?"  

He Says: "I need to start working out more."
She Hears: "You need to start working out more."

He Says: "Are you hungry?"
She Hears: "Tame the theatrics, bitch." 

He Says: "I'm not in the mood."
She Hears:  "I really am in the mood, but enjoy being difficult as payback."

He Says: "Can we snuggle?"
She Hears: "Wanna have sex?"

He Says: "Your butt looks really good in that outfit."
She Hears: "Your butt doesn't look good in anything else you wear.  Ever."

He Says: "I'm not mad, I'm fine."
She Hears: "I might be mad.  You should probably ask me 847 more times just to make sure."

He Says: "Hahahahahaahahahaha."
She Hears: "I just farted, and it's going to smell like rotten ass in T minus 5.3 seconds."

He Says: "I'm bored."
She Hears: "Wanna have sex?"

Isn't marriage grand?

And on a mostly unrelated note.  

I saw this for the first time over the weekend and literally almost peed my pants from laughing so hard.  It was just inappropriate enough to not post on Facebook.  But, as I've made abundantly clear, there's always a place for vagina humor in my blog.

"The pool is cold."



  1. He says: This post made me laugh.

    She hears: ????

  2. Hahahahahaha! This is so true! Men just say what's on their mind, and women spend SO much time trying to detect the multi-layered meanings of which there are usually NONE, haha!

  3. ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!! the pool is cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my goodness this that was PRICELESS! not sure why i've never heard him before, but seriously that was phenomenal. thanks for sharing! ::hugs::