Monday, March 28, 2011

Obviously My Life is AWESOME.

Promise I'm still alive, Internet.

This new job doesn't let me bum around on the internet all day long.  Well, not yet at least.  

In short?

-I don't think I've ever been more baby hungry than in the last 2 weeks.  "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" could maybe be partly to blame for that.  Lucky bitches.  Well, kind of.

-I've payed more attention to college basketball this year more than I ever have in my life.  I just learned that the ranks are "seats" not "seeds."  (Edit: So, apparently it IS seed.  And now I don't feel nearly as lame.  I win!  Kind of.)  Also?  I giggle every time I hear the announcers use the word "penetration."  Could they really not have come up with a better word?

-I got my new schedule that I'll start working in about a month - and I'm not overly thrilled about it.  So it's a good thing the benefits are totally worth the super crap shoot hours.

-I've been waking up at the ass crack of dawn every single morning to train for said new job - and boy is it taking a toll on the ol' hormone levels.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've almost burst into tears today.

-Shawn tried to install my new deck in my Jeep - key word: tried.  He worked really hard, and for whatever reason my old and new deck have both lost power.  Driving in silence makes me absolutely batty. I find myself doing and saying the most absurd things to keep myself entertained.  True story.

-I went to the gym for the first time in, well, a while.  And my body is responding with a huge, "What in the hell did you just do to me?"  Time to get into a less round shape?  I think so.

And that's about it for now!  Super riveting stuff, I know. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Why Sleep When You Can Blog?

For the past two days I've been technically "unemployed."  And I sort of loved having those days to myself to sleep in until 11, and then do pretty much whatever the heck I want.  If the last two days had a theme song, it would be this:

In fact, come to think of it - that would make a good life theme song.  Well, at least for me, Lazy McLazerson.  Heyo.  Bruno Mars does it again.

Anyways, I should be getting ready for bed right now since I have to be up at the ass crack of dawn to get ready for orientation of my new job.  And since I have to be there when I would normally still be sleeping - it should be fun.  And by fun I mostly mean it won't be fun at all.  But I still wanted to check in with ya'll - because I can.

-I finally bought Shawn his real Valentine's gift - a ticket to A Day to Remember concert.  I told him that that's what I'd get him back in Februrary, you know, along with the proverbial iPad I got him.  Ever since then , he's been mustering up all the sarcastic passive aggression he possible can and exclaims, "Thank you so much for getting me that concert ticket for Valentine's Day!"  And a sister can only handle so much of that painintheassery - so I finally went and got it, mostly so he'd just shut the eff up about it.  And maybe kind of because the concert may or may not be in less than a week.  Oh, and also because I love him.

-Last night Shawn and I measured our boobs with the measuring tape from his tool chest.  Yes.  We measured our boobs.  According to our calculations, I'm a AA and he's a D.  Just in case anyone forgot what the portion sizes are in our family - here's a friendly reminder...

Needless to say, our measurements were off.  (Also, on a completely unrelated note, don't ever tell me you have the whitest skin ever.  I will beat you.  Every. time.)  So tonight we took a trip to Victoria's Secret to get measured for realsies.  (Well, Shawn didn't get measured - he doesn't want to believe he's anything but a D.)  Anyways, I'm proud to say I graduated a cup size since my last bra - and it isn't a double A.  If the rest of me is going to get fat, my boobs may as well come along for the ride.

-I think Shawn was a little disappointed that I purchased the less expensive bra that doesn't push my boobs up to my chin and automatically make them look a full cup size bigger.  I'm mostly impressed that he was more than willing to let me spend fifty two dollars on a BRA.  I'll tell you what Victoria's Secret isn't.  Good riddance.

-I finally had a dream that I had babies - and they didn't die.  PROGRESS.

-Speaking of sleeping, I have been waking up in the middle of the night a lot more.  And I have no idea why - because I usually sleep so dang deep that Riverdance could be performing in my living room, and I'd never know it.  The other night I woke up because I could have sworn that it sounded like Toby was stuffed down our vent, and barking.  I know.  What in the hell?  I was so confused.  Right as I was about to ask my husband why the eff our dog was in our vent - I heard him snoring the weirdest snore ever.  Yeah, it was him.

-I've eaten 2 tubs of cottage cheese in the last week and a half.  And that makes me kind of depressed.  Who on Earth eats that much cottage cheese?  I guess it's a step up from Coconut Dreams.  Except not really.

-I DVR every single episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant - I'm that lame.  I love watching it.  I just don't understand how these women can drink, and smoke, and give birth to their babies in toilets and amusement park bathrooms - and have perfectly healthy babies.  I find it absolutely fascinating.  And sometimes I cry.  Because hello?  Babies!

I really have plenty more I could spout off, but I need to go figure out what I'm wearing tomorrow - because we all know that can soak up a precious chunk of time in the morning...

Wish me luck!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Adios, WORK.

My last day of work at my job was on Friday.  It was a lot more sad than I had originally thought it would be - having to say by to the girls and clients I've worked with for almost 3 years.  Kind of surreal, almost.  But my favorite part of the day was probably when the girls I work with handed me this...

Remember Frank the IT man at work, who I think is the cutest IT man in the history of IT men?
Yeah, that's him.  An older picture, I assume.  But still hilarious that they creeped onto his Facebook to get it. 

I about died when I saw the message that was "supposedly" from him.  Turns out they had the girl with the manliest handwriting write it.  Very funny.

Good times - I'm going to miss those girls!

Also, let the records (for those who don't understand the joking behind the whole thing) show that I think my husband is the cutest, most handsome man in the history of men.

Hope your weekend was swell, Internet!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Wednesday Confessional

The honest truth?

I'm lazy.  The first thing I want to do when I get home is sit on the couch.  Apparently sitting on my ass for 8 hours a day in an office is just too exhausting.  And in my own defense, in a really weird way, it can be.

I'm addicted to taking pregnancy tests - even when I know I'm not pregnant.  

I may or may not calculate what my due date would be if I were to magically get knocked up on any given month.  (And just in case you're wondering, last month's date was 11/11/11.  I win.)

Most women complain that their husbands don't help out around the house enough.  I complain that my husband won't stop cleaning.  Wife points.

I don't think my dog likes me - which has me inexplicably paranoid that I'm going to be a terrible mother.

I can't wait to have our house completely to ourselves.  I will sex as loud as I want, gossip as loud as I want, and listen to music as loud as I want.

I feel like I've gained 1,800 pounds since high school - and irrationally fear that people notice and talk about it.

Still have dead baby dreams - and dreams about ex-boyfriends.   In fact, I think I've dreamed about every dude in my life except my husband.  

I have a completely physical crush on my company's IT dude.  It's a little inside joke with me and the work girls - and if they ever told him, I'd die a little bit inside.  It wouldn't make him any less sexy though.  Rawr.  (Oh, hey husband, I LOVE YOU.)

I am perfectly capable of consuming an entire package of Coconut Dreams within the span of a few hours.  Which is unfortunately more depressing than it is impressive.

I think Glee is turning into a terrible show.  They're trying to prevent reckless alcohol and sex shenanigans?  Really?  No wonder there are twenty eight pregnant girls at the high school I went to.  Twenty eight.

I am so ready to be done at this job.  But am mildly nervous for the new one I start in a week - not because I don't think I can handle it - but because I'll be working very different hours than I'm currently working - and we all know how I feel about change.

I finally figured out Twitter - and I kind of like it.

Fun, right?

Your turn.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

My {Super Awesome} Wedding Video - Part 6

Remember that one time I showed you my wedding video?  And by one, I mean the 5 separate times?  Well SURPRISE!  I'm still not done.  YouTube disabled the audio on the next clip I'm going to post today (because of copyright reasons, I would imagine) - so I kind of just forgot about it.  Inconceivable, right?  Anyways - if you managed to miss the last 5 wedding video posts, here they are:

And for your viewing pleasure, here is part 6 of the ol' wedding video.

(Remember that I've cut out all the people telling us congratulations and giving us advice, which is why the end is so abrupt.)

And now I'm going to go and lay around for the rest of the night, because I'm a party animal.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Wordless Wednesday. Kind of.

Remember that one time Toby graduated his puppy class - and took a super cute picture?

And then graduated his intermediate class and tried to take a picture...

Then tried again...

Then turned into Satan dog.

Oh, Toby.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Turns Out I'M ALIVE.

So, I realize it's been over a week since I blogged - not for lack of anything interesting happening - mostly out of lack of motivation to sit down and write about it.  I'd apologize, but eh - you know how it goes.  So we'll do a quick catch up and hopefully get back to some regularly scheduled babble...

-So, my birthday was last Wednesday - and it was super.  My studly husband made me breakfast in bed and when I was done I started to get ready for work - and he told me to go back to bed.  Apparently he had called my manager a few days ago and secretly got the day off for me.  Best. surprise. ever.  He had a trip to the temple and some massages planned, but he ended up working for longer than he had anticipated - so it didn't all work out, which was totally fine by me.  Anyone who knows me knows that I'm totally down with lazying around in my pajamas all day - I did however go and get mah toenails did.  We went and got something to eat and had dessert with the family.  Pretty low key - which is how I like it.

-Speaking of my birthday - my presents were awesome.  My inner 7-year-old is dying to show them off.  The day before my birthday Shawn gave me Pretty Pretty Princess.  Ladies, remember that game?

I had mentioned to Shawn a few months ago that that game was my favorite when I was younger.  How cute is he?  You better believe I'll make him play it with me one of these days.  And there will be pictures.  He also got me a special Bluetooth stereo for my Jeep.  Aaaaaand a camera!  WOOP!  You'd think that since I got a camera, I'd have pictures for this post - but I don't.  I looked like an overweight handicap in the pictures that were taken of me on my birthday.  Soooo, we'll keep trying.  Oh, and also.. Coconut Dreams.  You better believe I got me some of those.  And my sister-in-law made me an elephant necklace to go with my elephant ring.  Now I just need some elephant earrings and I think my life will officially be complete. I take that back.  My life will be complete when I own a puppy sized elephant.  Because, that happens.

-And last birthday note - we had a "birthday party" of sorts this last weekend at the same place my little sister had her birthday party - Karaoke Cafe.  Because I'm a party animal.  It was pretty fun - Shawn and I sang a lovely rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody, which I'm embarrassed to say was streamed live on their website.  If you want to witness just how bad of singers we are, please skip to around 1:19.  And don't judge me.

American Idol material, amiright?  Needless to say, our terrible voices made for a few hours of entertainment.  The suckier you are, the funner karaoke is.  That's what I say.

-Our fish finally died.  That thing was ultra-crazy.  He'd constantly convulse and then jump in and out of his water.  It was time.  Besides, I hated cleaning that fish tank.  And when I say that, I mean I hated smelling the tank when my husband would clean it.  Gave my gag reflexes a run for their money.  RIP, Alfredo.

-Toby is getting fatter by the second - but he's still the cutest fat puppy ever.  His new favorite place is our bed.  Which probably explains why I wake up with dog fur in my mouth every morning.

I seriously can't get enough of how much he loves to lay on his back.

-We saw I Am Number Four this weekend.  All I have to say is that I'd totally tap that.  Yes please.

-In the last week three people have come up to me and said that I look exactly like someone they know.  Three.  One was this creepy dude who just came up and stared at me and was like, "Don't you know who I AM?!"  I was like, "Yeah, um.  No dude."  That was awkward for everyone involved.  Except for my husband - who found it all too amusing.  I must have "one of those faces."

Anyawys, I just ate about 849 Dove chocolates.  Excuse me while I go throw up.
Oh, and happy Monday.  I'll try and be back SOON.