Monday, November 28, 2011

Husband's Birthday and Other Things

Shawn's birthday was on the 19th.  Big 24.  It had its fair share of ups and downs.  We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner the night before - he dressed up, I wore a dress that I'm 94% sure makes me look like a hooker - and weight gain ensued (Oh, wait.  That was just me.  I'm fairly certain my husband is physically incapable of gaining weight, even when he "tries." - and yes, every time I hear him say that, my eyes roll into my brain.)  


I had planned to drive up into the mountains after dinner and give Shawn a free pass at one of his man fantasies (after denying him the last 638 times he's asked on every other day of the year) but our good 'ol state of Utah would have none of that - and it snowed.  And snowed.  And snowed.  And snowed.  And saying that I'm not a fan of driving in snow is pretty much the understatement of the year, let alone driving in the damn snow capped mountains.  Yeah, no thanks.  Instead we went home and I gave him his real birthday present - which he might love more than me.

Doesn't he look cute?  Step two is to get him some guitar lessons - not that his random, occasionally off-key strummings aren't simply delightful... but, you know.  He spent the next two hours farting around on his new toy, and shrieking like a schoolgirl when he figured out a new chord.  

Meanwhile, I was freezing my face off on the couch.  Because, oh yeah, our heater broke that morning.  There was some leak from our air humidifier, or purifier, or whatever the hell it is, and it got all over our furnace.  (Which kills me, because our downstairs people had been complaining about a pee smell downstairs, and were wondering if Toby had peed on the vents upstairs, and since my dog isn't that ridiculous (and, well, air flows up from the vents) I figured it had to be a leak somewhere - but of course no one actually figured that out until it was -17 degrees in our house.  Good times for all.)  Luckily, only the gas valve needed to be replaced and not the whole damn furnace.  Not so luckily, the furnace dude couldn't get the part until the next Monday.  And thus our house turned into a Winter Wonderland for an entire weekend.  WEE.  (My brother and sister-in-law were nice enough to bring over some GIANT space heaters that I'm pretty sure you could roast a marshmallow over - so when I say our house was -17 degrees, I suppose I might be exaggerating.  But just a little.)  After having a broken AC and a broken heater, within months of each other, I can confidently say I'd much rather have a broken heater.  So there's that.

The next morning, Shawn's actual birthday, we woke up and were going to make a nice birthday breakfast - and mid bacon, I got a phone call from my mom.  She told me that my grandfather (her dad) had passed away just a few hours earlier.  My heart sunk, on so many different levels.  We threw some clothes on, and drove to the hospital where my grandpa still was.  I've never been too keen on being around lifeless bodies, but it was comforting to see how peaceful my sweet grandpa seemed to be.  He has certainly defied death his fair share of times over the years, so it was - and still is, a very strange feeling not having him around anymore.  He and my grandma have been married for 59 years, and I sobbed like a baby as I watched her kiss and caress his face after he had passed.  It broke. my. heart.  However, I take solace in knowing that she, as well as my family, will be able to see him again.  Our family is an Eternal Family.  And I don't know how well I would be able to cope without that knowledge.  My grandpa was a truly amazing man.  It's an honor to be a part of his family.  He will be greatly missed by many.

Also, on a semi-related note, Shawn mentioned that his grandpa passed away on his birthday the year before he was born - crazy, right?  We're hoping that my grandpa can work his magic up there in Heaven and send down some baby love for us.  Apparently our children are already stubborn.  

I felt bad that Shawn had to spend his birthday morning in a hospital room full of sobbing people, but it didn't seem to bother him at all.  We went to a shooting range with his brother and sister-in-law... and I suppose it's no surprise that I sucked.  I was perfectly content pressing the button that shot out the clay pigeons (Also? Clay Pigeons?  More like Clay Frisbees.  What?)  


Later that night we went to a restaurant with a bunch of friends to celebrate, and afterwards played a riveting game of dodge ball.  Which, you guessed it, I also suck at.  (Whenever we'd play in gym, I would always be the last one to get out, because I'd stand in the back and do nothing.  If only there was a life lesson in there somewhere.)  I also found out that night that one of my good friends had unexpectedly gotten pregnant. And being that my emotions were already haywire from that morning with my grandpa - I lost. it.  Talk about a mental meltdown.  You know, hyperventilating, snot everywhere, make-up smeared - the works.  Luckily I had a friend there who let me snot all over her shirt.  That's what friends are for, right?  

We all finally went home - and all things considered, Shawn had a pretty alright birthday.  I woke up the next morning to a comment on my Facebook wall that melted my heart.

My husband is the greatest husband in the history of husbands.  I'm not biased or anything.  

It's just a fact.

Happy Birthday, HotPants.

Monday, November 14, 2011

I'm Chelsea, and I Like Talking About Myself

Remember back in the day when all the cool kids would post 20 random and completely irrelevant things about themselves on Facebook?  (And by 'back in the day', I mean two years ago.  And by 'cool kids', I mean me.)  And remember how when I have nothing better to blog about, I do surveys?  And even though I've already done it once, I'm doing it again.  Because as fate would have it, nothing interesting has happened since Tuesday.  Unless you count raking way too many bags of leaves and scooping about 938 turds off my lawn.  And if you count that, then I feel sad for you.  

Let's get this party started, yo.

1.  In the event that anyone were to torture me to death, all it would take is a never-ending reel of Old Navy commercials.
2.  I've never seen any Lord of the Rings movie all the way through, if at all.  Nor do I have any intention of doing so.
3.  If I were to get a tattoo, I'd get a rainbow on my stomach.  And then I'd Care Bear Stare people whenever humanly possible.
4.  94% of the time, I'd rather clean the toilet than do the dishes. 
5.  I had an imaginary friend when I was younger.  His name was Tudunt.  He was black, had blue hair, and lived in a tree in my backyard.  He ran away and got married and I never heard from him again.
6.  I hate using Mac computers.  They make me feel like an 87 year old.
7.  My maxed out bench press is in the 92nd percentile.  Whaaaat!
8.  I've never been more self conscious of my body than I am right now.
9.  Though I've become significantly less social over the years, I really miss having girlfriends.
10.  I wear flip flops in Winter as my own personal way of flipping off Mother Nature.  (Unintentional pun, FTW!)
11.  If I'm listening to a good song in the car and my phone rings, I don't answer.  Even for my husband.  (Wife points.)
12.  Our Thank You cards from our wedding are still sitting in a box in my office half done. 
13.  I'm currently battling infertility.  And it's one of the hardest, most heartbreaking trials I've ever faced in my life.
14.  I love checking the mail every day.  Even though 98% of the time it's junk for people I've never met in my life.
15.  I still have a cupcake I made last Thanksgiving sitting in my kitchen.  It was that good.
16.  Girls with squeaky Minnie Mouse voices, or squeaky Minnie Mouse sneezes, or squeaky Minnie Mouse yawns irritate the everloving hell out of me.
17.  If I clean a room, I have to be the one who vacuums it.
18.  I have a knack of asking really ridiculous questions before actually thinking about them.  Like if there are lions in Utah.  Or if ducks can fly.  Or if an artichoke is an animal.
19.  I will correct you if you incorrectly use the word good.  Example: "Sleep good!"  No.  Sleep well.
20.  I've peed in the shower before.
21.  I love saying things purely for shock value.
22.  When I was young, I used to think the word bikini was a bad word.  
23.  I collect spoons.  And have over 50 from around the world.
24.  People who count calories stress me out.
25.  I was originally only going to do 20 of these, but decided 20 was a bad place to end.  For obvious reasons.

I'm Chelsea, and now you know forty five things about me.

And then some.


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

November, A Soapbox, & More Really Interesting Things

[Insert an interesting, yet irrelevant opening paragraph here.]

-Is it weird to anyone else that it's already November?  I feel like it was just a few weeks ago that I was panicking over what to get Shawn for his birthday.  And here we are again, and I've got nothing.  Again.  Well, except for the nice default gift that marriage provides us.  It's nice to know that if I ever can't come up with anything more creative than getting naked for my husband's birthday, it's totally okay.  It's the gift that keeps on giving.  

-On a more clothed serious note, speaking of November, I think the "Post something you're grateful for every day of November" trend is great.  Reflecting on your blessings is actually clinically proven to make you happier.  (Thank you, college education.)  And a great way to celebrate the holidays, to boot.  However, I don't think I want to participate publicly, not just because every one and their dog is doing it, and they're all grateful for mostly the same things.  But because it sort of makes me sad that November seems to be the only month that people are so outspoken about the things they're thankful for. Yes, I realize that it's the month of Thanksgiving, and we're all into themes - but wouldn't it be awesome if people would do the same thing in July?  Or February?  Snow aside, the holiday season is one of my favorites of the year. I think it's when people's best selves shine.  People become more selfless, and aware of other's needs.  They acknowledge all their blessings, and give to those who aren't as fortunate.  It's a season centered around Christ.  And wouldn't it be great if we could cultivate that attitude and feeling all year long?    /soapbox

-I'm loving my new position at work.  And I'm not just saying that because most of the people on my team  know about my blog (Hi, team!), but it really is awesome.  I don't dread logging in to work anymore, which is pleasant.  Not to mention, I actually work now instead of taking a ludicrous amount of time off.

-Speaking of jobs, I decided that I'm going to be a real estate agent.  Ha!  My husband's company flips houses on the side when they don't have any roofs to do, and I guess it would be to their advantage if one of the wives had a real estate license.  Naturally I volunteered after Shawn's dad told me we could make an extra 3ish grand for a few hours of work.  I'd have to go back to school for a little bit, which isn't ideal, but I suppose it'll give me something to do.  (Does that make my life sound boring, or what?  Nothing better to do than go to school?  Yeesh, Chels.)

-I never really mentioned anything about Halloween, other than scaring the besheesh out of my dog.  I did pretty much what I told you I would last year.  Sat on my butt, inhaled an embarrassing amount of sugar, and watched a scary movie.  They originally wanted to watch Nightmare Before Christmas, but that isn't scary.  I told them we should watch an actual scary movie, and then watch the Disney movie.  (Disney?  Who knew.)  Anyways, we watched Scream.  Which amazingly enough I had never seen up until that point.  Gorey stuff aside, it was a pretty amusing show.  My favorite part was probably the scene in the garage, when the girl gets stuck in the kitty door.  I mean, really?  

-Also?  Further proof that red flavor beats blue flavor.  Always.  It's apparently also proof that we eat way too much candy.


Happy Tuesday, yo.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

That One Time I Scarred My Dog For Life

Once upon a time I tried to show Toby a picture of himself as a puppy on my laptop, because dogs understand that kind of stuff.  You would have thought he was staring straight into the gaping jaws of Hell.  He hauled ass out of my room and into his kennel faster than pretty much anything (forgive my lack of a witty metaphor).  I saw an opportunity, and showed him my laptop screen whenever he needed to go to his kennel for bed.  Worked like a charm.

Until it didn't.

That's when I realized Toby was spooked by his own reflection in our body mirror.  He doesn't like the mirror.  At all.  One day when I was beyond irritated with him, and he wouldn't go to his bed, I did the mature thing and picked up the full size body mirror and chased him around the house until he went into his kennel.  Now whenever I even hint at picking up the mirror, he goes to his kennel.

Then one day I was sorting through all our Halloween crap... and I found this.

Do I even need to tell you how this one ended?  Other than my dog needing some serious therapy.  

I thought it was all fun and games, until one day I was crinkling up a bag to throw away, and Toby ran for his life when I looked at him.  Dead serious.  I've managed to strike the ever-loving fear of Chelsea into my dog. In the worst way.

I probably shouldn't plan on reproducing.