Monday, January 2, 2012

All I Want For Christmas...

For Christmas, my sweet dad painted this picture for me.

(Pardon the terrible quality of the photo.)

He and my mom gave it to me along with this book:

And I cried.

Not because I was sad - but because it was a tender reminder that my babies are up in Heaven waiting. And that even though I feel completely broken inside.  And even though my heart breaks a little more each month that I don't see the all-elusive second line.  And even though I feel like there's a gigantic, gaping void in my life.

I know that some day, whether it be a month or 7 years from now, it will by my turn.

I will get pregnant.
I will be a mom.
And I will be the happiest woman on earth.


  1. This makes me want to cry. What a beautiful drawing!

  2. Oh Chels. I wish I could give you a giant hug. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. xoxo

  3. Thanks for making me cry! You will be an amazing mom when the time comes!! Love you Forever is my all time favorite book too. It makes me cry every time. I'm a gigantic boob!

  4. That is so incredibly sweet. You are going to be a fantastic momma. It is going to happen.

  5. tearing up. waiting for God's timing = hardest thing ever.

  6. i LOVE that painting your dad did! LOVE LOVE LOVE! and that book is one of our family's favorites. mini-me has a copy in her library, and i have one in my library as well. special, special book.
    i know exactly how you feel about your blasted girly plumbing not working right. same boat here. it'll be 10 years at the end of march. 10 years of trying, of not preventing. that's a lot of months of tears when flo/jack the ripper pays another gory visit... or tests with only one line. granted i've got my mini-me, but she's going on 15 and i'm starting to worry that even if medical miracles happen in the next year or two or three, that maybe by the time they come to pass it'll be too difficult to start all over. i mean especially if it takes the next 5 years! i'd be having babies about the time that my baby might be meeting mr. eternally right and having babies of her own. scares me all the time. i just hope i can handle God's timing on all this if/when any of it comes into our lives is all.