Monday, June 4, 2012

That One Time I Planned The Most Ballingest Baby Shower Ever*

So, after an all-time record high of traffic to my blog for the last month - I'm going to try and slowly ease back into regularly scheduled content, because I'm sure you've all been dying to know about the super interesting things I've been up to for the last month.  And for those of you who aren't real positive what "regularly scheduled content" includes - read here and here - and that should give you a fairly good idea of the extremes you're in for if you decide to continue following along.  Obviously I blog about more than just my waxing escapades and my quest to make a person.  The dog, the cat, and my husband get a pretty good amount of face-time too.  But don't say you weren't fairly warned about my chronic oversharing. 

For those of you who are just here for my dad, he is doing SO well.  He was moved to the rehab floor, where he continues to regain his strength a little bit at a time.  They finally took out his feeding tube, and he can eat real-person food now - so that's pretty great!  They're hoping to have him out of rehab and back home sometime this week.  Hooray!  If there are any other major updates, I'll be sure to make it known - however he is doing well, and sincerely appreciates all the love and support everyone has shown him and our family.  So once again, thank you.

Anyways, I threw a baby shower for one of my good friends this last Saturday.  I've talked to some people who were initially pretty shocked that I'd volunteer to go to, let alone host a baby shower.  But I'm proud to announce that I threw it without having, what I was sure would be, the most epic meltdown in the history of ever. On top of that, I think I did a pretty damn fine job of the whole thing.  

This was our basic set up, plus several balloons all around the room.  I pretty much felt like a Martha Stewart ninja when I made the tissue poof ball thingers.  That's right, I made them (after ripping a few, chucking them across the room, and throwing a mini tantrum when they didn't look absolutely perfect.).  And Shawn hung them like a champ.  I told him we should start a baby shower business, because we're baller at decorating - and after an eye roll from my husband, and an ultimate punch from both my ovaries - I decided our baby shower business could wait.

After weeks of stressing about what I should feed people at the shower, I finally had a glorious epiphany: Crepe bar & fruit kabobs!  We were running totally behind the day of the shower (so late, I didn't even get to do a damn thing with my wet hair - real classy), so I have to give a shout out to my in-laws and husband who did everything you see here, short of purchasing the ass-ton of fruit from Costco.  (I mean, seriously.  I need a single cantaloupe, Costco says I need 3.  I need three lemons, and Costco says I need 30.  What the hell am I going to do with 30 lemons?!)  We ended up making about 24 crepes, and had enough fruit to feed a small country for 10 years - so needless to say we had a lot of leftovers.  But unless everyone was lying their faces off, everyone really enjoyed the crepes and the sherbet drink (which I went to three different stores to find freakin' raspberry sherbet.  What the heck?).  Also, that punch bowl?  Originally $30, and I got it for $5 - because I effing rule.

 This is the diaper cake that I spent way too much freakin' time on.  And I hope the genius that decided receiving blankets make a good "frosting" steps on a Lego.  Or 7.  I filled it with a bunch of baby stuff, the majority of which were obviously diapers.  And I gotta say, even though diapers are just a product that contain baby pee and other fun explosions - when they're the size of my hand, they automatically turn into the most precious, adorable thing ever.  That being the case, I kept all the leftover newborn diapers for myself.  Because some day I'll have a cute, teeny tiny bum to use them on.

  I also made her a scrapbook to keep "advice and wishes" for her baby from the guests.  I had to cut down all the paper to fit, and then glue the advice paper things on - and that took a good chunk of time.  The top picture was just a draft - the final product looked a little more cute than that.  But between that, and having the guests bring baby pictures of themselves to guess who everyone was - it seemed to keep everyone busy and not have to depend on more awkward, cheesy baby shower games.

These were the favors I had for everyone.  And as people were leaving, I pretty much had to scream at them at least 5 times to take the freakin' candy home.  I even made a card.  This isn't the time to be dainty and take two M&Ms home.  Man the hell up and shove a handful in your pocket, for all I care.  Just make it disappear.   Unfortunately, we still ended up with about 80% of the candy.  And I'm pretty sure I have diabetes now. 

The rest of the shower was good - inappropriate conversations about role playing, sex costumes, periods, birth control, and the gory, terrifying details of  labor and child birth.  Angela opened all her gifts and there was a collective squeal and
every time she pulled out a little outfit, headband, or anything else that was super tiny.   It was a lot of fun, and I hope everyone enjoyed themselves.  I've got another baby shower to plan next month - and luckily she's having a girl as well.  So I've pretty much got it down

Anyways, that barely scrapes the surface of things I have to blog about.  Periods, hemorrhoids, treadmills, fancy pet water dishes, Bob on drugs, movies I shouldn't watch... etc.  But I desperately need to shower, so you'll just have to wait for all that action for next time.  

Happy Monday, yo.

 *I use the term 'ever' extremely loosely.


  1. AW! I missed the usual you stuff. It's awesome in a fantastically cheesy way.....just the way I like it. Keep it up.

  2. Such a cute shower!!! And yum, now I want crepes. I'm super impressed by your tissue poof abilities--I tried to make them once for a shower, but it just ended up in anger and tears. One of the girls who hosted my shower made similar poofs out of cupcake wrappers--they were adorable if you're looking to add to your poof repertoire ;)

  3. I really love your blog. Maybe you are agree following each other?! :)