Thursday, July 19, 2012

Legen.... Wait For It....

Remember how I love talking about myself?  Rather, I love writing about myself?  Well, that combined with also loving to tell you things you probably didn't want to know and not having much of anything remotely interesting to blog about - it's time for yet another edition of the way outdated meme, "20 things about Chelsea that you could have lived the rest of your life without knowing."  Hooray!

And if I manage to repeat crap I've already told you in the past (which I'm about 74% certain I will) - let's agree that you'll just nod your head politely and pretend it's just as interesting as it was the first 5 times.  (Because no one likes the asshole that stops you mid-story and says, "YOU'VE ALREADY TOLD US THIS STORY."  Well, I'm telling it again.  So STFU.)

That said...

1.  I've recently discovered my first stretch marks ever on my butt and thighs - which is a nice mixture of horrifying and downright depressing.  I think the worst part is that I don't have the convenient excuse of growing a tiny human to explain them.  Instead I blame it on hormones and eating brownies for breakfast.

2.  At one point I legitimately wanted to be a janitor when I grew up.

3.  For the longest time I thought the AC/DC song said, "Dirty deeds and the Thunder Chief."  I still sing it that way, because it's more awesome.

4.  I am absolutely bloody terrified of the ocean.  Sharks.  Deep, dark water.  Waves.  *Shudder*  The fact that I may or may not be the worst swimmer on the planet might be a contributing factor.

5.  When I was young, I collected chewed gum in a Ziploc bag.  When my mom found it, she made me throw it away.  I was furious.

6.  I've been married for over 2 years now, and I still have dreams about ex-boyfriends.  Wife points.

7.  I suck at job interviews.  I give the most ridiculous, unprofessional answers in the entire world.  And occasionally blurt out, "Man, I suck at interviews!"  Now there's someone people want to hire.  The only interviews I've ever felt confident walking out of were with my bishop.  Because you walk out with a temple recommend in your hand, and you know you passed.

8.  Some people cuddle after sex...  I do headstands.

9.  The biggest traffic ticket I've ever gotten was for going 70 MPH in a 30 zone.  Which was 20 minutes after my purse had been stolen from underneath my seat in a movie theater.  (Emotional driver, much?)  I cried, and got out of getting my car towed and a "reckless driving" ticket.  Instead it he wrote the ticket for exactly how fast I was speeding - and that was $500 big ones.  That was the first time I ever dropped the F bomb out loud.

10.  When I was little, whenever I'd see a black person, I'd point and say, "Look!  Reading Rainbow!"

11.  I have some major memory loss issues.  Like you know, leaving my keys in my car... while it's still running.  And I've heard all about "pregnancy brain."  And I'm about 100% positive that when I do get pregnant, I will go full blown Alzheimer's on everyone.    

12.  I wash already-clean clothes solely to put off having to put them away. 

13.  I secretly would love to have twins.

14.  I've been naked in public twice (you know, minus all the naked baby days).  Once when I went skinny dipping at Girl's Camp right after testimony meeting - and another time when I ran around butt naked outside a motel we were staying at just for the hell of it.  I used to think that life would be better/easier if everyone walked around naked - until I went to places like McDonald's or WalMart, and quickly realized I was wrong on about 54 different levels.

15.  I think Thor is the sexiest superhero ever.  Period.

16.  I work for an airline - and have only been to three of the cities they fly to.

17.  After working in an ER for several months - I refuse to get on a motorcycle.  80% of the traumas that came through were motorcycle accidents that mangled the shi out of people.  Not to mention motorcycles are flat out terrifying anyways.

18.  If someone posts anything remotely baby/pregnancy/bump/howgreatitistobeamom-related on Facebook, 4 out of 5 times, it gets "hidden".

19.  I've entered the Publisher Clearinghouse "Win $5,000 a week for the rest of your life" an embarrassing amount of times - and am somehow convinced that, even though the odds are 1 in 4329048932084903284903284092375892378972930483920, we'll open the door to balloons and a fat ass check some day.

20.  Most days I'd rather swallow a stapler than have to get in the shower and get ready.  Kind of like now.


I'm Chelsea, and I officially have no secrets.

(Seriously, if you're happily married, you win BACON.)


  1. I shower like once a week (gross). And I've had stretch marks on my butt and thighs since I was 17. So you're not alone! And when I was little, I collected that ice-melt salt off the ground and ate it. So, I feel like we need to hang out more.

  2. Ditto on #4, 11, 12, 17, 20! #10 is too adorable. Daisy used to start talking in gibberish in the check-out lines at the grocery store when she was little, and the proudly (aka loudly) proclaim, "Mom did you hear how good I speaked spanish to the people behind us?!" And yeah, they were darker-skinned than us everytime.