Friday, August 31, 2012

Help Us Make A Baby!

So, this post is going to be one of those posts where I ask ya'll a big ol' favor.  And for those of you who have already seen my post on Facebook, I apologize.  Let's just cut to the chase, eh?

Anyone that's been around my blog enough knows that it's no secret Shawn and I are having a gigantic case of the bad lucks when it comes to making a baby.  The fertility clinic I go to is hosting a 5k in a few weeks, and they're raffling off a free IVF cycle.  And if you don't remember from my last post what IVF is, it's basically a $10,000 buck procedure where they make your baby in a petri dish.  And since they're making a baby "supernaturally", chances of getting pregnant obviously increase dramatically.

Anyways, everyone that registers for the 5k can enter someone into the raffle.  Betcha can't guess where this is going.  Basically I'm recruiting anyone I can to join the team I've created to get Shawn and I more entries into the raffle.  I realize a lot of you don't live anywhere even remotely close to me, or have absolutely no interest in running a 5k (join the club).  For those people, there's actually the option to register as a "sleeper" - which is exactly what it sounds like - you register, get the t-shirt and a raffle ticket, and not run.  You don't even have to show up to the race, just register as a sleeper and let me know you won't be there, and I can pick your packet up and get it to you afterwards!  Easy peasy, eh?

As you know, Shawn and I are scary close to having IVF be our only option.  And since Utah insurance blows and won't cover a single penny, a free IVF cycle would be absolutely miraculous.  I realize this is totally last minute, especially to those who might run the race - but if there's ANYONE that would be willing to register as a runner or a sleeper on our behalf, we would be immensely grateful.  Even if we don't win the raffle, the money goes towards grants for other couples dealing with infertility - a great cause, if you ask me!

If you do want to sign up, click the link at the bottom of this post and select 'Team Milne' as your team when you register.  The password is Milne.  You can also use the coupon code MILNE to get 5 bucks off registration.

Thanks in advance to anyone that decides to register on our behalf, it really means a lot to both of us!

Here's the link!

Friday, August 17, 2012

If You Have Sex, You Will Get Pregnant & Die. Orrrr Not.

Well, I think we can all agree that the fancypants "Dynamic" template I was using on here was the biggest pain in the crack ever.  Pretty, but not incredibly useful.  Kind of like our treadmill.  Better luck next time, Blogger.  Anyways, speaking of things that aren't incredibly useful, this post is brought to you, once again, by my lady pipes.  'Cause you aren't sick of that yet, right?

Last post I told you that we failed our third IUI with flying colors, and after you've failed three IUIs, they bring you in for another consultation with the doctor to figure out a different plan.  Our appointment was last week, and it was actually a pretty good visit.  I left feeling just a tiny bit closer to being able to grow my very own tiny human.  And because it's virtually impossible for me to write a post without bullets, here are the takeaways from our appointment.

-Since we obviously haven't had any luck getting pregnant, I figured there has to be something else wrong with me.  We have to be missing something.  Otherwise, we're having a serious case of the bad lucks.  My mom had mentioned before that she had Endometriosis at some point, and thus began my Google searching.  The only real symptom I even had was the infertility, but a lot of sites talked about how sometimes women with advanced stages of Endo had little to no symptoms.  Queue instant paranoia.  I brought this all up with my doctor, and she confirmed that yes, it's possible to have Endo with little to no symptoms - but the only way to actually diagnose it was by doing a laparoscopy.  She went on to tell us that even if we did do a laparoscopy, and did find that I had Endometriosis, and even if they removed the endometrial tissue during the surgery - it would have no effect on my fertility.  Weird, right?  She went on to talk about studies that have been done, yadda yadda yadda.  So, needless to say, we feel okay about skipping the pointless surgery that would've costed us thousands of dollars.

-I then told the doctor about a bunch of different fertility-related blood tests that I had read about.  Thus far, the only blood test I had gotten in their office was for infectious diseases, which uh, I don't have.  She agreed that we should do some blood work, just to make sure everything was "normal" or as expected.  When she looked at my history, she noticed that a blood test I had several years ago came back saying that I wasn't immune to Measles/Mumps/Rubella.  Um, say what?  She told me I should probably get an MMR booster.  Ya think?  Good grief.  Anyways, I ended up filling 6 damn vials with my blood for all the tests she was running.  Which felt more like 398 vials.  But, you know.

-The doctor told us that at this point, she'd normally strongly suggest doing IVF (you know, the 12 thousand dollar procedure where they hype you up on about 42849320 different drugs and then make your baby in a petri dish)... However, she said that since I've been on Clomid for such a long ass time, that could possibly be what's preventing me from getting pregnant.  Uh, less effective, much?  Clomid is known to thin uterine lining and eff with your cervical mucous (grossest. word. ever.).  And while they were giving me the stupid blue vagina pills to try and counteract the thin lining thing - it's not always fool-proof.   So she told us that we're officially done with Clomid!  Sayonara, epic mood swings from hell, 90-year old vision, and Sahara-desert vagina!

-Because us not getting pregnant could potentially just have to do with the aforementioned Clomid issues, she didn't want to jump right into IVF.  Instead she suggested a drug called Femara, combined with some injectable hormones and another IUI.  Now, I've tried the Femara once before, and it was the most epic failure of a drug ever.  It's actually a drug that I believe is used in breast cancer patients - but they found in studies that a lot of the women taking Femara were getting pregnant like rabbits - and so apparently doctors prescribe it now to help with infertility.  Anyways.  I reminded my doctor that the Femara had royally effed up my cycle the last time I took it, and she assured me that since she's combining it with the injectables - it should remedy that issue.  And if it doesn't help me to ovulate, they can just give me more injectables.  Because that's what my life needs, MORE NEEDLES.

-Right before we were about to leave, I suddenly remembered to ask about a drug called Metformin.  I had asked a nurse about it several months ago, and she told me that if I didn't get pregnant that month, that "we'd talk about it"...  Whiiiiich, we never did.  Metformin is a drug that usually people with diabetes take, because it helps regulate insulin levels.  Well, apparently insulin plays a pretty huge role in fertility... So for someone who has PCOS and all the painintheass hormone imbalances that come along with it, regulating your insulin levels actually helps to regulate everything else too.  Apparently it's this big, complicated chain reaction of hormones, yadda yadda yadda.  So since my hormones are obviously special, she prescribed some of the magic drug that is supposedly supposed to make everything right in my life.  And then went on to tell us about the fun gastrointestinal side effects I'd probably have while I built my way up from 1 pill a day, to 3 pills a day.  Yee haw!

So after all was said and done, our doctor told us we could start the Femara/Injectable/IUI cycle this month, or we could wait and do it next month.  We decided to take this month off, and just try again next month or the next - honestly it really just depends on when my A-hole period decides to show up.  Shawn's convinced that this will be the month we get pregnant.  Which would obviously be fantastic, but would kind of tick me off a little.  Because after spending $4,000 on a bunch of drugs and procedures that didn't work, and then all of a sudden we don't do a damn thing and we're pregnant?  Not cool.

Also, I've managed to get myself to two pills of Metformin each day...  And boy howdy, she sure wasn't lying about the gastrointestinal stuff.  Helloooo, epic diarrhea and stomachaches.  It actually hasn't been as bad as I was expecting - but I certainly won't be trusting any farts any time soon.

Aaaaand the doctor's office called me back the other day with the blood test results.  They let me know that they came back more or less how our doctor expected... The results were typical of a woman with PCOS.  Surprise, surprise.  She let me know that my Hemoglobin A1C level was .1 higher than the highest number in the "normal range" - I think it was 5.6 or 5.7.  Whatever that means.  And apparently my testosterone is about 10 higher than the highest number in the "normal range".  I cracked a lame joke about how that explains my manstache.  And she added that it would explain any acne and weight gain in my mid-section.  Great.  If that number gets any higher, I fully expect to start growing my very own tallywhacker  (Fun mental images for everyone!)  Supposedly the Metformin is supposed to get both those levels to where they need to be. So hey, if taking the Metformin and dealing with the scoots means my sexy mustache and boob hair will disappear... Deal!  They also did some blood work that tests your ovarian reserve, and my doctor said that usually if blood tests indicate you have a good ovarian reserve, you'll have good quality eggs - but not always.  Turns out I'm packin' plenty of eggs, so there's not too much worry there, thank goodness.

Sooo, that's the current scoop on our quest to get knocked up.  If IUI number four isn't successful - we'll probably try one more with straight injectables.  And if that doesn't work - we'll most likely move onto IVF.  We'll take any thought, prayer, or crossed appendage that we can!

Happy Weekend!

Monday, August 6, 2012

That One Time We Bought a Car, Didn't Get Pregnant, Threw a Baby Shower, & Went to San Diego

So, I've started this blog post literally 1,700 different times.  And by 1,700, I mean like 4 or 5.  (Don't you love when people use the word 'literally' incorrectly?  The other day my father in law was talking about how someone was "literally a fruit cake" and I think I'm the only one that thought it was amusing, let alone noticed in the first place.  I digress.)  I've gone between bulleting all my crap out, or giving each bullet their own fancy post.  But due to my early on-set memory loss, I'm going to stick with the long arse bulleted post - otherwise you'll probably end up hearing about 23% of what I actually have to blog about - and that would be a shame.  So this may or may not be entirely too long.  But what else is new?

-We finally broke up with our BMW.  After trying to sell the stupid thing for pretty much ever, we finally did.  Biggest. Paininthecrack.  Ever.  It was a salvaged title, which didn't make the situation any easier.  We had people offering us a solid $5,000 less than what we were asking, people who almost bought it, then completely flaked out, and just dealing with a bunch of stupid teenagers in general.  One kid was super interested in it and drove in from Tooele to give it a spin.  He got there with all his buddies, and saw that it was manual - which apparently he completely missed in the ad, and told Shawn he didn't know how to drive a manual.  Dumbass.  Anyways, the point is that we sold the car.  We figured it was going to crap out in a major way any day and cost $47289478329478932 dollars to fix - so why not?  Besides, I'll be damned if I ever put a car seat in the back of that car.

-We bought a nice, new family-friendly car - it's a white 2012 Nissan Altima.  Normally I really haven't ever been a huge fan of white cars, but this one grew on me.  We bought it from Shawn's cousin who sold it to us for about $5,000 less than what it's actually worth - so that was a bonus.  All I've heard about Altimas is that they rarely need to be repaired - which is incredibly welcoming when coming from dropping at least $500 every time we repaired the BMW.  Germans.

That's her! I think my favorite part about it is the fancypants press-a-button-to-start-the-car feature.

-The day after we bought the Nissan, our Jeep crapped out and we're looking at at least a $650-$850 transmission repair.  Because, you know, we have that kind of money just floating around.

-And just in case you're thinking, "Oh, they just bought a "family-friendly" car...  Wonder what that means?!"  Nice try.  We just finished our third IUI cycle (because this month I miraculously didn't have cysts and didn't have to go on stupid birth control), and it should come as absolutely no surprise that it failed with flying colors.  I didn't even cry when the nurse told me - instead I just cracked some inappropriate joke about how my uterus is a giant asshole.  (Irrelevant sidenote: Now there's an example of when not to use the word 'literally'.  Because if my uterus was a giant asshole, I'm certain I'd have a much bigger issue on my hands.  /InappropriateEnglishLessonTangent.)  These days, I expect to see a negative every month.  And sure, that's probably the most crappy, glass-half-empty attitude in the history of ever - but it's the only attitude I feel like I can have to avoid turning into a hot, sobbing, crazyass mess every month.  However, I'm proud to report I only peed on one stick this month.  And that is a record.  

-Anyways, now we get to go talk with the doctor to figure out a different plan of action - since clearly the Clomid/vagina baster combination isn't working.  My money is on her having us do injectables instead of Clomid with another IUI.  However, if she tells us IVF is the next step, I'm about 100% sure that Shawn will crap his pants.  At this point, I'm betting he'd rather wipe his ass with sand paper for the rest of his life than have to pay the thousands and thousands of dollars that it costs to do IVF.  I guess we'll see though.  I need to get some fertility beads.  Or some lucky underwear.  Or, you know, a working uterus/vagina/ovaries.  

-On a more pleasant note, I've managed to mysteriously lose 12ish pounds in the last several months.  I usually try my hardest to avoid scales, because post-scale meltdowns are almost worse than the why-can't-I-make-a-baby meltdowns.  But we were weighing our luggage, and I thought, "Eh, what the heck?" got naked, and stepped on the scale.  I ran in and squealed to Shawn that the Fat Fairy must have visited, because I had lost weight and wasn't really sure how it happened - to which he jokingly responded, "Well, maybe the scale is broken."  I can assure you that he was totally kidding, but the comment most certainly didn't get him laid - that's for damn sure.

-I threw another baby shower for one of my good friends.  I was pretty excited when she told me that her nursery was going to be owl themed - because obviously that meant her baby shower would be owl themed too.  Instead of doing the scrapbook of baby wishes etc. that I did for the last one - I had everyone make a headband for her baby.  I loved how it turned out.  We did crepes again, because well, it's kind of hard to go wrong with crepes.  I couldn't have pulled it altogether without my husband - who so graciously decorated and cut up enough fruit to feed a small country.  My favorite line of his was, "Love, I don't think our marriage can survive another baby shower."  I may or may not have went a teensy bit overboard.  But my baby showers kick ass - and I had to keep reminding him that it will all come back in baby shower karma when we finally have our baby.  Anyways - here's some pretty crappy pictures I took at the last minute with my phone...

This was her baby shower invitation - with different information, obviously.

 Most adorable favor ever, amiright?

This is where I had all the headbands displayed...  Just in case you didn't glean that on your own.

 Flowers for the headbands.

More headband accessories. 

 I made another diaper cake with a bunch of baby knick knacks inside - it wasn't nearly as difficult as the first one I made, because I've pretty much Jedi Mastered diaper cakes.  Though I'd be lying if I said I didn't have at least one meltdown because it wasn't perfectly smooth.

 About 649 pounds of fruit for the crepes.

And yes, those are the same poof balls from the shower I did a month ago. 

-You know how Chick-Fil-A had that "Appreciation Day" or whatever the hell it was?  Well, everyone on Facebook would not STFU about it.  Literally every time I looked at my News Feed there was at least one person talking about Chick-Fil-A.  So I called Shawn and told him that I wanted a chicken sandwich from Chick-Fil-A, not because I hate gay marriage, or because I had some political ulterior motive... I just wanted a freakin' chicken sandwich because it's all I could think about all. day, no thanks to Facebook.  And once I've decided I want a certain kind of food, I'm cranky until I get it.  Because apparently I'm 2 years old.  Since Shawn is pretty much the best husband in the history of husbands, he went and sat in line behind 30 cars for 45 minutes just to get me a sandwich.  Now that's true love.

He came home only to realize they hadn't given me my fries - which naturally ticked him off pretty good.  So we wrote them an email.  Amidst all the YOU'RE THE WORST COMPANY IN THE WORLD emails...  They'll receive a, "So uh, we "appreciated" you on your special day and didn't get our fries.  Where's the love, yo?" letter from us.  Apparently we have a little too much free time.   

-Shawn's parents had a timeshare at a resort in San Diego this last month - and since we can fly to Long Beach for free - we decided to join them for a couple days.  We went to some beaches, to the San Diego temple, to the San Diego Zoo, and just kind of farted around for the rest of the time.  We had a great time!  Well, minus the whole IHop experience.  That was just special.  But you'll just have to take my word on that one.  The San Diego temple was beautiful inside and out.  The San Diego Zoo was hella expensive - but worth it.  We spent about 489320489320849302 dollars on a caricature - which I promise I'll take a picture of as soon as it's all set in it's frame.  Aaaand here are some pictures...

The rental car we balled around in all weekend. 


We got to go through the temple with Shawn's parents.  So pretty.

Funniest game of Farkle.  Ever. 

I have about a thousand more pictures of a bunch of different animals - but that could get boring real quick. 

This picture just cracked me up.  Because I'm 7.

 I'm totally good with living in Utah for the most part - but if I had to move, San Diego would definitely be in my top 10.  Hello, perfect weather all the time.

And I've officially spent way too much time on this post.  

Good day, Internet.