Friday, August 17, 2012

If You Have Sex, You Will Get Pregnant & Die. Orrrr Not.

Well, I think we can all agree that the fancypants "Dynamic" template I was using on here was the biggest pain in the crack ever.  Pretty, but not incredibly useful.  Kind of like our treadmill.  Better luck next time, Blogger.  Anyways, speaking of things that aren't incredibly useful, this post is brought to you, once again, by my lady pipes.  'Cause you aren't sick of that yet, right?

Last post I told you that we failed our third IUI with flying colors, and after you've failed three IUIs, they bring you in for another consultation with the doctor to figure out a different plan.  Our appointment was last week, and it was actually a pretty good visit.  I left feeling just a tiny bit closer to being able to grow my very own tiny human.  And because it's virtually impossible for me to write a post without bullets, here are the takeaways from our appointment.

-Since we obviously haven't had any luck getting pregnant, I figured there has to be something else wrong with me.  We have to be missing something.  Otherwise, we're having a serious case of the bad lucks.  My mom had mentioned before that she had Endometriosis at some point, and thus began my Google searching.  The only real symptom I even had was the infertility, but a lot of sites talked about how sometimes women with advanced stages of Endo had little to no symptoms.  Queue instant paranoia.  I brought this all up with my doctor, and she confirmed that yes, it's possible to have Endo with little to no symptoms - but the only way to actually diagnose it was by doing a laparoscopy.  She went on to tell us that even if we did do a laparoscopy, and did find that I had Endometriosis, and even if they removed the endometrial tissue during the surgery - it would have no effect on my fertility.  Weird, right?  She went on to talk about studies that have been done, yadda yadda yadda.  So, needless to say, we feel okay about skipping the pointless surgery that would've costed us thousands of dollars.

-I then told the doctor about a bunch of different fertility-related blood tests that I had read about.  Thus far, the only blood test I had gotten in their office was for infectious diseases, which uh, I don't have.  She agreed that we should do some blood work, just to make sure everything was "normal" or as expected.  When she looked at my history, she noticed that a blood test I had several years ago came back saying that I wasn't immune to Measles/Mumps/Rubella.  Um, say what?  She told me I should probably get an MMR booster.  Ya think?  Good grief.  Anyways, I ended up filling 6 damn vials with my blood for all the tests she was running.  Which felt more like 398 vials.  But, you know.

-The doctor told us that at this point, she'd normally strongly suggest doing IVF (you know, the 12 thousand dollar procedure where they hype you up on about 42849320 different drugs and then make your baby in a petri dish)... However, she said that since I've been on Clomid for such a long ass time, that could possibly be what's preventing me from getting pregnant.  Uh, less effective, much?  Clomid is known to thin uterine lining and eff with your cervical mucous (grossest. word. ever.).  And while they were giving me the stupid blue vagina pills to try and counteract the thin lining thing - it's not always fool-proof.   So she told us that we're officially done with Clomid!  Sayonara, epic mood swings from hell, 90-year old vision, and Sahara-desert vagina!

-Because us not getting pregnant could potentially just have to do with the aforementioned Clomid issues, she didn't want to jump right into IVF.  Instead she suggested a drug called Femara, combined with some injectable hormones and another IUI.  Now, I've tried the Femara once before, and it was the most epic failure of a drug ever.  It's actually a drug that I believe is used in breast cancer patients - but they found in studies that a lot of the women taking Femara were getting pregnant like rabbits - and so apparently doctors prescribe it now to help with infertility.  Anyways.  I reminded my doctor that the Femara had royally effed up my cycle the last time I took it, and she assured me that since she's combining it with the injectables - it should remedy that issue.  And if it doesn't help me to ovulate, they can just give me more injectables.  Because that's what my life needs, MORE NEEDLES.

-Right before we were about to leave, I suddenly remembered to ask about a drug called Metformin.  I had asked a nurse about it several months ago, and she told me that if I didn't get pregnant that month, that "we'd talk about it"...  Whiiiiich, we never did.  Metformin is a drug that usually people with diabetes take, because it helps regulate insulin levels.  Well, apparently insulin plays a pretty huge role in fertility... So for someone who has PCOS and all the painintheass hormone imbalances that come along with it, regulating your insulin levels actually helps to regulate everything else too.  Apparently it's this big, complicated chain reaction of hormones, yadda yadda yadda.  So since my hormones are obviously special, she prescribed some of the magic drug that is supposedly supposed to make everything right in my life.  And then went on to tell us about the fun gastrointestinal side effects I'd probably have while I built my way up from 1 pill a day, to 3 pills a day.  Yee haw!

So after all was said and done, our doctor told us we could start the Femara/Injectable/IUI cycle this month, or we could wait and do it next month.  We decided to take this month off, and just try again next month or the next - honestly it really just depends on when my A-hole period decides to show up.  Shawn's convinced that this will be the month we get pregnant.  Which would obviously be fantastic, but would kind of tick me off a little.  Because after spending $4,000 on a bunch of drugs and procedures that didn't work, and then all of a sudden we don't do a damn thing and we're pregnant?  Not cool.

Also, I've managed to get myself to two pills of Metformin each day...  And boy howdy, she sure wasn't lying about the gastrointestinal stuff.  Helloooo, epic diarrhea and stomachaches.  It actually hasn't been as bad as I was expecting - but I certainly won't be trusting any farts any time soon.

Aaaaand the doctor's office called me back the other day with the blood test results.  They let me know that they came back more or less how our doctor expected... The results were typical of a woman with PCOS.  Surprise, surprise.  She let me know that my Hemoglobin A1C level was .1 higher than the highest number in the "normal range" - I think it was 5.6 or 5.7.  Whatever that means.  And apparently my testosterone is about 10 higher than the highest number in the "normal range".  I cracked a lame joke about how that explains my manstache.  And she added that it would explain any acne and weight gain in my mid-section.  Great.  If that number gets any higher, I fully expect to start growing my very own tallywhacker  (Fun mental images for everyone!)  Supposedly the Metformin is supposed to get both those levels to where they need to be. So hey, if taking the Metformin and dealing with the scoots means my sexy mustache and boob hair will disappear... Deal!  They also did some blood work that tests your ovarian reserve, and my doctor said that usually if blood tests indicate you have a good ovarian reserve, you'll have good quality eggs - but not always.  Turns out I'm packin' plenty of eggs, so there's not too much worry there, thank goodness.

Sooo, that's the current scoop on our quest to get knocked up.  If IUI number four isn't successful - we'll probably try one more with straight injectables.  And if that doesn't work - we'll most likely move onto IVF.  We'll take any thought, prayer, or crossed appendage that we can!

Happy Weekend!


  1. Only you could write such a long post about fertility and make me want to read the entire thing because it's so entertaining! only you!! Best of luck this month!

  2. Wait - you haven't tried Metformin until now? Crazy! A lot of PCOS women are on that just to help with blood sugar and hormone leves. I got that in combination w/my Clomid. Actually, I'm back on it now to help with weight loss, and yea, I'm with you on the stomachaches. It actually feels a lot like the nausea when you're pregnant (so you know what to look forward to!). I'm glad there's a plan. You know, you got slammed with PCOS from both sides of the family. Lucky you.

  3. This may sound a little weird but, have you thought about going to a naturopathic doctor? I have heard of quite a few success stories of them helping people get pregnant. It might be worth looking into. My mom goes to one if you want his information just let me know.

  4. I know a woman who struggled with infertility for about 5 years. They did the whole drug process until she was worn out from it. Their last try was acupuncture, and she got pregnant the next month.

  5. ok, I don't even know how I came across your blog, but you are hilarious. However, the topic you wrote on, is not. But like Bethany said- you are VERY entertaining.. best of luck soon!!

    [p.s. it says a lot about a person when they can maintain such a positive attitude with such struggle]

  6. Oh how I LOVE you!!! I was reading this post in the waiting room of my doc's office and THOROUGHLY disrupted the whole scene when I reached the "won't be trusting my farts" snippet. Bahahaha! Chels, seriously, I miss you!!!!!!!!!! How else are things? I know if I were a better friend I'd already know from my blog-stalking. However, I'm piss-poor at that as everything has picked up lately. But fret not, as I now have your blog favorited on my Blackberry homescreen, which was no easy feat btw, lol. So I can continue to catch-up & disrupt quite the series' of waiting rooms as I mad-dash through my crazy life! ::hugs::