Monday, August 6, 2012

That One Time We Bought a Car, Didn't Get Pregnant, Threw a Baby Shower, & Went to San Diego

So, I've started this blog post literally 1,700 different times.  And by 1,700, I mean like 4 or 5.  (Don't you love when people use the word 'literally' incorrectly?  The other day my father in law was talking about how someone was "literally a fruit cake" and I think I'm the only one that thought it was amusing, let alone noticed in the first place.  I digress.)  I've gone between bulleting all my crap out, or giving each bullet their own fancy post.  But due to my early on-set memory loss, I'm going to stick with the long arse bulleted post - otherwise you'll probably end up hearing about 23% of what I actually have to blog about - and that would be a shame.  So this may or may not be entirely too long.  But what else is new?

-We finally broke up with our BMW.  After trying to sell the stupid thing for pretty much ever, we finally did.  Biggest. Paininthecrack.  Ever.  It was a salvaged title, which didn't make the situation any easier.  We had people offering us a solid $5,000 less than what we were asking, people who almost bought it, then completely flaked out, and just dealing with a bunch of stupid teenagers in general.  One kid was super interested in it and drove in from Tooele to give it a spin.  He got there with all his buddies, and saw that it was manual - which apparently he completely missed in the ad, and told Shawn he didn't know how to drive a manual.  Dumbass.  Anyways, the point is that we sold the car.  We figured it was going to crap out in a major way any day and cost $47289478329478932 dollars to fix - so why not?  Besides, I'll be damned if I ever put a car seat in the back of that car.

-We bought a nice, new family-friendly car - it's a white 2012 Nissan Altima.  Normally I really haven't ever been a huge fan of white cars, but this one grew on me.  We bought it from Shawn's cousin who sold it to us for about $5,000 less than what it's actually worth - so that was a bonus.  All I've heard about Altimas is that they rarely need to be repaired - which is incredibly welcoming when coming from dropping at least $500 every time we repaired the BMW.  Germans.

That's her! I think my favorite part about it is the fancypants press-a-button-to-start-the-car feature.

-The day after we bought the Nissan, our Jeep crapped out and we're looking at at least a $650-$850 transmission repair.  Because, you know, we have that kind of money just floating around.

-And just in case you're thinking, "Oh, they just bought a "family-friendly" car...  Wonder what that means?!"  Nice try.  We just finished our third IUI cycle (because this month I miraculously didn't have cysts and didn't have to go on stupid birth control), and it should come as absolutely no surprise that it failed with flying colors.  I didn't even cry when the nurse told me - instead I just cracked some inappropriate joke about how my uterus is a giant asshole.  (Irrelevant sidenote: Now there's an example of when not to use the word 'literally'.  Because if my uterus was a giant asshole, I'm certain I'd have a much bigger issue on my hands.  /InappropriateEnglishLessonTangent.)  These days, I expect to see a negative every month.  And sure, that's probably the most crappy, glass-half-empty attitude in the history of ever - but it's the only attitude I feel like I can have to avoid turning into a hot, sobbing, crazyass mess every month.  However, I'm proud to report I only peed on one stick this month.  And that is a record.  

-Anyways, now we get to go talk with the doctor to figure out a different plan of action - since clearly the Clomid/vagina baster combination isn't working.  My money is on her having us do injectables instead of Clomid with another IUI.  However, if she tells us IVF is the next step, I'm about 100% sure that Shawn will crap his pants.  At this point, I'm betting he'd rather wipe his ass with sand paper for the rest of his life than have to pay the thousands and thousands of dollars that it costs to do IVF.  I guess we'll see though.  I need to get some fertility beads.  Or some lucky underwear.  Or, you know, a working uterus/vagina/ovaries.  

-On a more pleasant note, I've managed to mysteriously lose 12ish pounds in the last several months.  I usually try my hardest to avoid scales, because post-scale meltdowns are almost worse than the why-can't-I-make-a-baby meltdowns.  But we were weighing our luggage, and I thought, "Eh, what the heck?" got naked, and stepped on the scale.  I ran in and squealed to Shawn that the Fat Fairy must have visited, because I had lost weight and wasn't really sure how it happened - to which he jokingly responded, "Well, maybe the scale is broken."  I can assure you that he was totally kidding, but the comment most certainly didn't get him laid - that's for damn sure.

-I threw another baby shower for one of my good friends.  I was pretty excited when she told me that her nursery was going to be owl themed - because obviously that meant her baby shower would be owl themed too.  Instead of doing the scrapbook of baby wishes etc. that I did for the last one - I had everyone make a headband for her baby.  I loved how it turned out.  We did crepes again, because well, it's kind of hard to go wrong with crepes.  I couldn't have pulled it altogether without my husband - who so graciously decorated and cut up enough fruit to feed a small country.  My favorite line of his was, "Love, I don't think our marriage can survive another baby shower."  I may or may not have went a teensy bit overboard.  But my baby showers kick ass - and I had to keep reminding him that it will all come back in baby shower karma when we finally have our baby.  Anyways - here's some pretty crappy pictures I took at the last minute with my phone...

This was her baby shower invitation - with different information, obviously.

 Most adorable favor ever, amiright?

This is where I had all the headbands displayed...  Just in case you didn't glean that on your own.

 Flowers for the headbands.

More headband accessories. 

 I made another diaper cake with a bunch of baby knick knacks inside - it wasn't nearly as difficult as the first one I made, because I've pretty much Jedi Mastered diaper cakes.  Though I'd be lying if I said I didn't have at least one meltdown because it wasn't perfectly smooth.

 About 649 pounds of fruit for the crepes.

And yes, those are the same poof balls from the shower I did a month ago. 

-You know how Chick-Fil-A had that "Appreciation Day" or whatever the hell it was?  Well, everyone on Facebook would not STFU about it.  Literally every time I looked at my News Feed there was at least one person talking about Chick-Fil-A.  So I called Shawn and told him that I wanted a chicken sandwich from Chick-Fil-A, not because I hate gay marriage, or because I had some political ulterior motive... I just wanted a freakin' chicken sandwich because it's all I could think about all. day, no thanks to Facebook.  And once I've decided I want a certain kind of food, I'm cranky until I get it.  Because apparently I'm 2 years old.  Since Shawn is pretty much the best husband in the history of husbands, he went and sat in line behind 30 cars for 45 minutes just to get me a sandwich.  Now that's true love.

He came home only to realize they hadn't given me my fries - which naturally ticked him off pretty good.  So we wrote them an email.  Amidst all the YOU'RE THE WORST COMPANY IN THE WORLD emails...  They'll receive a, "So uh, we "appreciated" you on your special day and didn't get our fries.  Where's the love, yo?" letter from us.  Apparently we have a little too much free time.   

-Shawn's parents had a timeshare at a resort in San Diego this last month - and since we can fly to Long Beach for free - we decided to join them for a couple days.  We went to some beaches, to the San Diego temple, to the San Diego Zoo, and just kind of farted around for the rest of the time.  We had a great time!  Well, minus the whole IHop experience.  That was just special.  But you'll just have to take my word on that one.  The San Diego temple was beautiful inside and out.  The San Diego Zoo was hella expensive - but worth it.  We spent about 489320489320849302 dollars on a caricature - which I promise I'll take a picture of as soon as it's all set in it's frame.  Aaaand here are some pictures...

The rental car we balled around in all weekend. 


We got to go through the temple with Shawn's parents.  So pretty.

Funniest game of Farkle.  Ever. 

I have about a thousand more pictures of a bunch of different animals - but that could get boring real quick. 

This picture just cracked me up.  Because I'm 7.

 I'm totally good with living in Utah for the most part - but if I had to move, San Diego would definitely be in my top 10.  Hello, perfect weather all the time.

And I've officially spent way too much time on this post.  

Good day, Internet.


  1. Niiiiice new car :) And ugh, about the IUI not taking. I'm glad your doctor wants to be a little more aggressive next time around. Always thinking good thoughts for you...

  2. this is, literally, the best post to read while waking up. laughing so hard about the grammar lessons. congrats on the new car. pimpin! sorry about the negative pregnancy test. woo weight loss and dumbass husband remarks!

  3. I've had my altima since 2007 and it hasnt had oe major repair ever. I've had to change the brakes/tires (normal things) but nothing big. It's been a great car and I know you're gonna love yours. PS. it was good seeing you in the LGB airport even though our flight was "literally" delayed for 238058 hrs. Have a good day!

  4. "I'll have the Chicken Situation..." :D Have you heard that comedy bit? Hilarious! That's all I could think when reading about your drive-thru experience. Oh and I laughed so hard when I read the "Clomid/vagina baster" part that I woke my husband from a dead sleep! ::hugs::

  5. P.s. I don't own an Altima, but we DO love our Nissan Versa. It eased a lot of burdens & fears for us. Starting to luv Nissan again. Hope you're feeling some car relief of your own now. :)