Tuesday, November 6, 2012

A Post That Is Way Too Eclectic To Come Up With An Actual Relevant Title

For the record, I make absolutely no excuses for how random it's about to get up in hurr.

Bullet time!

-The other day I told Shawn to buy a treat for us to munch on when he went to the store.  He came home with a bag of the good chocolate chips so we could "make cookies."  Who has two thumbs, did not make cookies, and ate half the bag of chocolate chips?  This girl.

-I don't understand the context of the F word in some cases.  Like, when someone is ticked off and tells someone else to go eff themselves...  How is that a bad thing?  IiiiiiiifyouknowhatImean.

-One of the several times I've driven to the fertility clinic with a cup of Shawn's "contribution" in tow, I realized that if I ever got pulled over for speeding, I'd have the best excuse on the planet.  Because what cop is going to argue with a cup of  sperm and a hormonal woman with an impending insemination?  It's quite literally a life or death situation - those bad boys are only viable in a cup for so long.  I'mageniusIknow.

-I bought a LivingSocial deal for a month of CrossFit.  Because apparently I'm in the mood to make a complete ass out of myself.  And then die.

-I kind of love when people "Like" my posts on Facebook - not just because it makes me feel super fantastic about myself.  But because then I know who hasn't hidden me from their news feed.

-I signed up for Short Term Disability at work - so I can still get some money when I hopefully take a maternity leave someday.  However, for it to pay out, I can't get pregnant until April.  Which means I can probably just go ahead and plan on getting pregnant in March.

-I went to Red Lobster for I think the first time in my life.  Because I'd pretty much rather swallow a stapler than most seafood.  My favorite part though?  The biscuits and broccoli.  Oh, and the mashed potatoes.  I'd totally go back just for that stuff.  Because that makes sense.

-Once Shawn suggested that a phone app that starts preheating your oven would be helpful.  To which I responded that, yeah, it would, until people started butt burning their houses down. 

-I just got my "I Voted" sticker for the first time in my life.

And took a retarded picture.  Because everyone's boob sticker pictures are boring.  

-Speaking of being patriotic, I somehow manage to get the "America" song from West Side Story stuck in my head at least once a day for absolutely no reason.  And if it's not that song, it's Taylor Swift's, "We're neverrrrr everrrr everrrrrr everrrrrr everrrrrr everrrrr everrrrr everrrrr everrrrrr everrrrrrr getting baaaaack togetherrrrrrrrrr" song.

-For the record, I'm totally kidding about the Taylor Swift part.  I just really wanted to get that song stuck in everyone's head.  Because now it will take you at least an hour or seven to get it out.  Oh, and it's the worst song on the planet.  

Youuuu're welcome.

Happy voting day, yo.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

That One Time We Grew A Giant Pumpkin & Made It Awesome

So, this year's Halloween was pretty tame.  We didn't stay home and pass out candy, because we're bad people.  Instead we went over to Shawn's parent's house to carve the pumpkin we grew in their garden.  (The same pumpkin I told you about in this post.  You know, in case you thought it was a different pumpkin.)  We decided that instead of doing just the regular ol' carving - we'd do fancy carving.  You know, something like this:

Except, you know, about 700 million times less awesome.  It took Shawn and his brother a good solid 20 minutes to get the top off of our 75 pound pumpkin.  Homeboy was one thick sonofabitch.  They finally got through, and it was obvious that the pumpkin could have totally grown way bigger - but didn't get a chance, because we may or may not have planted it too late.  You just wait until next year.

Anyways, Shawn brought his drill, and we just kind of... went for it.  I can honestly say I've never carved a pumpkin with a drill before, but I highly suggest it.  Well, I can actually still say I've never carved a pumpkin with a drill, because, well, Shawn did.  But it looked a lot easier than what I've been doing for the last 20 years.  But I did help with scraping the eyes and the teeth, and even though I got a little knife happy on some of the teeth, I was pretty impressed with my scraping skills.

This was possibly the messiest pumpkin I've ever carved/scraped in my entire life.  When Shawn would drill - watery chunks of pumpkin would come oozing out, which was gross on so many different levels.  And when we were scraping, pumpkin juice would mist into our faces.  Toby was loving it though.  We kept trying to stop him from eating all the pumpkin goop, because I was sure if he ate any more he'd have diarrhea for days.  No one wants that.

Anyways, over the course of the almost 3 hours it took to finish, I made myself useful and took about 800 pictures of everything - so I'll post some of 'em below for your viewing pleasure.  Yooooou're welcome.

 This picture seriously cracks me up every time I see it.  Don't you just want to be his friend?

Turns out a candle wasn't enough light, and a light bulb, well... you see.

We probably tried taking this picture 27 times.

^These guys.


Soooo, yeah!  That was our Halloween.  Well, that, and we watched Scream 2... because last Halloween we watched the first one, and apparently it's a tradition now.  All I can say is, I can't believe there are four of those movies.  I've never been one to laugh at scary movies, because I'm an enormous pansy.  But these ones?  I couldn't hardly help myself.  

Anyways, hope ya'll had a satisfying Halloween!  I guess we can all start getting ready for our sweater bodies now, eh?  

Happy Almost-Weekend, yo.