Wednesday, August 12, 2015

There's No Such Thing As An Ordinary Cat

So, the other day I opened Timehop to see that it had been 7 years since I started this blog.  I thought to myself, "Hmm, I should screenshot this and write a celebratory post." So, naturally, I ate a popsicle and took a nap instead.  (And I thought I had a hard time keeping up my blog before I had a kid.)  

In the 7 whole years my blog has occupied this little slice of the internet, I've posted 274 times, saved 44 drafts (that will likely never see the light of day, ever), and I've supposedly earned $47.92 whole dollars.  To celebrate these completely unimpressive numbers and my remarkable flair for laziness - we're doing an iPhone dump from the last, oh, 6 or 7 months. So now you can see all our extremely riveting life moments that haven't made it to the internet.  Until now.  

Lucky you.  


Probably the most bizarre non-fortune I've received in my life.  Ever.



When Eli turned one, I ambitiously thought, "Hey, I'll take some cute pictures of him myself!" This was literally the only picture I got where he didn't look like he was bored out of his damn mind.  



I got the boys Jesus stuff (in addition to the usual crapload of candy) for Easter, and was pretty proud of myself for actually incorporating the reason for Easter in there.  Because seriously, where did the baskets and the Easter bunny come from?  A bunny that delivers hard-boiled eggs?  To celebrate Jesus?  What?  (And yes, I'm sure there's a perfectly weird explanation somewhere in Google land, but my search history is embarrassing enough.)



Sometimes when I'm bored, I traumatize my child with ape masks.



Our kid likes to hang out in our giant, empty tub.  Can't say I blame him.



HE'S HARRY THE BUNNY, HE LIKES TO BE FUNNY.  Why are pretty much all baby shows so effing insufferable?  Groan.



Eli likes to lock himself in our pantry, and one day (before he was very good at pulling himself up on stuff), we opened the door to find him pretty much hanging from the bottom shelf for dear life.  It's possible that it was one of those "you had to be there" moments - but it was pretty hilarious.



Proof that I shower sometimes.  Which, according to Shawn, "looks good on me."  Thanks for pointing that one out, husband.



Shawn's mom sent Eli home with a giant Olaf balloon.  And he was always watching.  Until he got stabbed for being way too creepy.



This is when I was about 5 seconds pregnant, and could not breathe to save. my. life.  I have no idea where it came from - but the inhaler I had for my asthma wasn't doing much of anything to help.  So, off to InstaCare I went, because I was pretty sure that I needed to be able to breathe to grow a baby.  I had to suck down this tube for what felt like 19 hours.  (TWSS.  Snicker.)



These pictures of Eli just chillin' on Shawn never get old.  Especially when his yummy belly is hanging out.  I hope they recreate this picture some day... in like, 30 years.



So, my job sent me to Boston to work at the Boston Calling Music Festival - and it was pretty fantastic.  First time I had ever been there and the longest I had ever been away from Eli.  The plane ride home was, of course, right when my morning sickness hit hard.  Turns out hell is being stuck in a metal tube thousands of feet in the air with morning sickness.



Eli empties our nightstand drawers on a daily - and he'll always check out the pictures of himself as a baby, and it makes my heart smile.



E gives no cuss words about infringing on Toby's space.  Luckily, Toby doesn't seem to mind.



Once upon a time we went to Moab and hiked.  And my husband kept going off the beaten path and taking my baby to giant, death cliffs.  When I wasn't laying on the ground feeling like I was moments away from meeting my Maker, I was screaming at Shawn to get my baby off the damn cliffs. 

(Side note: 'Moab' had originally auto-corrected to 'Moan'..  Shawn read it and said, "Moan, huh?  It's been a while since we've been there."  YOU'RE HILARIOUS, SHAWN.)



We made it to Delicate Arch, and some not-so-cute pictures ensued.



I rest my case.  (Although this picture kind of cracks me up.)



While in Moab, we Googled some lakes we could go to and found one that looked cool.  After driving up a mountain for 47 hours, with not much longer to go before we hit the lake, we ran into snow and couldn't go any further.  Naturally, it didn't stop Shawn from taking his clothes off.



Again, in Moab.  My not-so-subtle attempts to hide my raging pregnancy bloat.



Once upon a time I bought Shawn the gift of jumping out of a plane.  I had actually bought one for myself, and told him that if I wasn't pregnant by then, I'd go with him.  I'm not sure I can adequately describe just HOW thankful I was to be pregnant.  



He made it, and even brought a souvenir down with him.  
(Motion sickness: 1 Shawn: 0)



Remember how my kid was scared of trees and grass, and pretty much anything in nature?  I'm proud to announce that we slowly got him more used to grass, and now we can't keep him out of it.



Turns out Eli doesn't mind fireworks all that much.



He still hasn't quite grasped that we don't touch fire.



Although he didn't seem to mind the fireworks - he was so, so tired and was pretty much done with being awake in general.




I had a doctor's appointment, and thought his umbrella stroller was in the trunk, but of course it wasn't.  I put him in this stroller instead, and he looked like he was sitting on the baby that was SUPPOSED to be in there.  Dude is huge.



Haircut #2.  We made a pretty handsome fella.  (Which is incredibly relieving, after spending my entire pregnancy worrying about what kind of ugliness our genes could potentially create.)



Much to Shawn's approval, our child LOVES balls.  And I really hate typing that out, or saying it out loud, because it really just sounds wrong.  But, seriously.  Basketballs, golf balls, bouncy balls, soccer balls, pretty much any circle he sees - he loves.  Hell, he's even pointed at the moon and said "BALL!"  During sacrament meeting, he'll sit and scream "BALL! BALL! BALL! BAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" because he can see the basketball hoop in the back.  Anyways, you probably can't even really tell, but you can see the top of his head toward the middle - and to the right of him, he's sleeping with his arm over his basketball.  Dude. Loves. Balls.



So, I HAVE already posted this picture on the internet when we announced #2 is on the way... What you didn't see is the other priceless pictures we didn't post.















Pretty great, right?  Tell us how you really feel, Eli.



We end up sitting in the hall during most sacrament meetings - partly to avoid Eli screaming BALL all through the meeting, partly because it's just easier to let him crawl around in the hall, and partly because it's like, 20 degrees cooler in the hall.  He'll go crawl by complete strangers and just stare at them.  Then he'll start saying "Hi.  Hi.  Hi.  Hi.  Hi." until they notice him and say hi back, and I love it.



Parenting, for the win.



Sometimes it's so hard no to abuse the power that phones/technology have over kids, you know, to maybe shut them up for a little bit.  I'm not even going to kind of pretend that I'm not guilty of making a tantrum go away with YouTube.  Speaking of winning at parenting.



My little sister is getting married in October.  WHAT?  (And this is us being the peanut gallery for her to model wedding dresses for.)



I told Shawn to get behind the cupcake and look excited - and this is what I got.  I should really just stop pretending that I know how to take pictures.



This dude gets into pretty much every cupboard and drawer that he can.  And if he can literally get INTO it, then he's a happy camper.



Shawn saw this picture and said, "That's provocative."  (He chainsawed the crap out of three GIGANTIC pine trees in our front yard.)



Shawn pretty much does anything he can to ensure that Eli continues loving sports.




Even if it means giving him a golf club twice his size.



So, the stroller/cart things at RC Willey are pretty much the funnest.  I want a me-sized one.



I honestly don't even remember this picture, but Shawn said, "You aren't going to put the hamburger picture in there?"  So, uh, here's my kid sitting on a hamburger.



This is pretty much what I feel like doing every day of my life.



We were planning to go to dinner with my family one night, and someone had the bright idea to go to Golden Corral - so we did.  Worst. Idea. Ever.  I seriously don't remember Golden Corral being NEARLY as bad as it was.  All their food was crusty and stinky.  We were sure we were all leaving that place with diarrhea for days and some kind of disease.  Shawn was hell-bent on getting his money out of the place, soooooo, he took all the gummy bears to go.  Speaking of diarrhea.



I realize that most of these pictures are of this kid - and that gets totally annoying.  But, I kind of don't really care.  So, there.



We went glamping in Capitol Reef, and this was the view from our room.  Not too shabby.  Also, those guys pretty much melt my heart.  (Which, on a semi related note, who decided that your heart melting was a GOOD thing?)



A hike in Capitol Reef.  And, once again, Shawn dangling my only child off a death cliff. 



The sun is fun.



These popsicles are everything.  E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.



Another picture of my kid being adorable.



And another one.



Aaaaand another one.  (Shirt Related: The other thing he loves, almost as much as balls, is the mother fluffing MINIONS.  He calls them "ba bas" because of that banana song that they sing (the ba ba ba ba ba na na.. BA BA BA BA BA NA NA... POTATOOOOOOO.)  He'll seriously wake up in the morning, and the first thing out of his mouth will be "BA BA?!"  Luckily we're making some good progress away from the Minions, and towards pretty Disney princesses.)



Eli is a huge fun of swimming.  Although his face in this picture may not be very indicative of said love of swimming, it sure is amusing.



Shawn insists on popping Eli's collar, because nothing's cuter than a fun-sized douche baby.  (All the eye rolls.)


Oh, and this is baby girl's very first outfit - picked out by Shawn.  I was looking at carseats for Eli, and he just randomly disappeared with  Eli, and came back holding the dress (and a BYU shirt for Eli, of course).  My ovaries exploded a little.



Stay tuned for the video version coming when I feel like taking the time to upload 900 videos to YouTube.  Which will likely be never.