Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Because Photo Dumps Are Easier Than Actual Posts

More Facebook/Instagram rejects for your viewing pleasure.  WEE!



Eli and Toby love watching Shawn mow the lawn. It's usually followed by Eli screaming "DAD! SIDE! DAD! SIDE! SIDE! SIDE!" ("Side" = Inside/Outside, depending on where he is.)  And sometimes a total diva tantrum because I won't always take him outside, because I'm a monster.    
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One day I was working and Shawn, out of nowhere, gave me a back massage and then crawled underneath my desk and massaged my feet.  I think I'll keep him.


My sister-in-law and I threw a bridal shower for my little sister who's getting married soon and we gave out flower pens as favors.  I think we all know how not crafty I am, so I was pretty proud of myself for making all of these - even though a monkey could make one.  Blindfolded.


So, if you're from Murray, you've probably seen this sign.  I'm not sure if it's just my highly irritable hormones flaring up, or what - but it really annoys me.  Is that really necessary for a pet salon?  How does Carmen Electra's ass crack have anything to do with giving your animal a bath?  Grumble.


As I've mentioned before, we have to sit in the hall pretty much every Sunday during church, because it's just easier to let Eli run around than trying to contain his crazy ass on a bench.  (Also, I'm fairly positive it's at least 10 degrees cooler in the hall.)  He'll just walk around saying "Hi" and "Bye" to everyone he sees.  He'll throw balls at other kids' faces.  He'll walk to the drinking fountain at least 27 times.  All in between eating snacks for days.  


Every time we go over to Shawn's parent's house, Eli immediately starts saying, "SIDE! SIDE! SIDE! SIDE!"  For those of you that are familiar with their backyard, you know it's pretty epic - especially for a 1 year old who loves balls and pools.  Even though he's totally not scared of grass/nature anymore (because that was a thing), the other day he was crawling around without letting his knees touch the grass, and it was pretty amusing to watch.

This kid loves raisins.  I had some on my desk and found him doing pretty much anything he could to get some out of the bag.  I suppose he could like worse things... Like that Captain Crunch/Lucky Charms hybrid cereal.  Oh, wait.







One day I told Shawn that it really grossed me out when our toothbrush heads touched when they were in the shower.  So, naturally, this is what I woke up to the next morning.  Marriage is fun.

This is my 20 week bumpie that I couldn't be bothered to post anywhere at the time because I hated (and still hate) the picture.  (Even though I totally had big plans to hashtag the picture #HalfNeigh - because I'm hilarious.)  After about 20 takes of the same stupid picture, I gave up and ate a fudgesicle instead.


These guys.  Seriously.  My favorite.


Once upon a time Toby was chewing on a stick, and Eli thought it would be cool to try and grab the stick while it was still in Toby's mouth, and so he accidentally got bitten.  (At least we think that's what happened, neither of us actually saw.  Parenting win.)  There was a pretty good gash on his finger - and usually Eli's pretty resilient and easy to distract if he gets hurt, but no amount of going on walks, chocolate, or shows was making him stop crying.  We couldn't tell if it was deep enough that it would need stitches or glue, or whatever - so we gave him some Tylenol and finally decided to take him to InstaCare, just to be safe.  Once the Tylenol kicked in, he was doing alright.  He'd keep looking at his finger and saying, "Ouch."

It turns out that it was "just a scratch" and Eli got the most expensive hand bath ever.  Sigh.  I'm sure the staff chuckled to themselves as we left about how we were first time parents.  But, in our defense, in his almost 18 months of life, that was the first time we've ever taken him to the doctor for anything aside from a well-check.  So I felt pretty alright about it.  Oh, and apparently Toby has a record now.  So, there's that.

So, Eli finally hit the height limit for his rear-facing carseat, and we decided to just go ahead and get him a front-facing one, and it's awesome.  He loves it.  Oh, and that hat?  How darling is that?  We got it at a shower before he was born, and it had been a box, and I remembered I had it - and was sure glad I did.

And now we can take CAR SELFIES.
We're going to Disneyworld soon, and as sad as it is (since I work for an airline and all), it'll be the first time Eli's ever been on a plane and I'm beyond paranoid that he's going to be a that kid for the whole flight.  You know, the demon child who screams/cries/won't shut up for the whole flight?  And it's a redeye flight, no less.  So, anyway, dude loves his shows - so we bought him some headphones that will hopefully make things a little smoother if he decides he's too cool to sleep on a plane.  Luckily, he thinks they're pretty neat.
He's getting braver with the pool and jumping in on his own.


Churchie.  This kid'll start nursery soon, and we're pretty excited about it.  Well, mostly Shawn, because he's usually the one that gets to watch him while I teach my Primary class.  He took him in the other day, just to test it out, and he did awesome.  Granted, Shawn stayed with him the whole time.. So, we'll see how it goes when we're not around.  He apparently kissed one of the girls while he was in there, so I'm sure he'll be just fine.


I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that we love redeeming those "YOU WON A PRIZE" mailers you get from dealerships once in a while.  If you read the odds of winning each prize in the small print, you can pretty much usually guess what you'll end up winning (and it's always something).  This time we walked away with Creamies and a $10 Target gift card for 5 minutes of our time.  I'd call that a win.  Also, aren't Shawn's lips amazing?


For a while we had like 3 gift cards to Coldstone, so we were constantly taking trips over there to get strawberry shakes, because they're delicious.  And somehow they taste even better when they're free.


The other day my mom asked me if I've been writing down the things that Eli's doing - and I totally haven't been, which is sad, because I know if I don't, I'll totally forget a lot of it.  He's learning so many new words, and it's so cute.  Currently, "Wa wa" is my favorite (waffle).  And teaching him animal noises is pretty amusing too.  The other day I was talking to Shawn and the phone and was talking about how I felt like a fat cow, and as soon as I had said it, Eli goes, "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  Hilarious.  Motherhood may not be glamorous, but it's sure awesome.  One of these days I'll write up a legit mommy post about all the adorable things my kid does that everyone can skim through and pretend to care about.


We went to the state fair again this year, and it was so much more fun with Eli being older.  He went on the merry-go-round with Shawn, and it was the most adorable thing ever to watch.  He was definitely a fan.


Eli was pretty intrigued by all the animals at the fair - especially the sheep.  (He cracked up at one in particular for like 5 minutes that sounded just like a grown man going, "MAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH".)   Anyways, when I saw this picture after we took it, I could not stop laughing.


Hahahahahaaha!


Another fair selfie.  Or us-ie?  Or fair-ie?  Whatever.
You know how you look at yourself in the mirror before you go somewhere, and you think, "Eh, that'll do"?  And then someone takes a picture of you and you somehow look a million times worse and 900 pounds heavier?  Yeah.  That.  I'm not sure why I ever thought horizontal stripes was a good idea.  Especially with my belly consistently measuring further ahead than I actually am.  (I'm talking like 3-5 weeks.  Con.sis.tent.ly.)  And especially because my belly doesn't tend to grow out in front of me - it grows to the sides.  And apparently takes my face with it.  Sigh.


So, sometimes when I need to call Shawn, I'll track his phone to see where he's at, so I don't bug him while he's still at a job site.  Some people think it's totally creepy - and maybe it is.  But, eh.  Anyways, I always give Shawn crap about going to "business lunches" after they finish a roof and then never bringing, or even offering, to bring me anything.  Which, again, is totally ridiculous - but it turns out that the pregnant version of myself gets pretty offended when you don't feed me.  And I get pretty passive aggressive about it.  Isn't Shawn lucky?


So, making fun of women on pregnancy forums is one my favorite things.  But some women just make it too easy.  She USED A TAMPON?  And COULDN'T FIND IT?   Normally I'd think she was just a troll and move on, but there was 20 pages of gold that totally had me convinced she was serious.

It was mostly people making fun of her, which made it even funner to read.  

At one point someone sarcastically suggested trying to use some tongs to get it out.  Apparently the sarcasm didn't translate all that well.  I was dying.  Troll or not, the mental images of a dude trying to fish a tampon out of some chick's crotch with tongs was pretty amusing  (with maybe a splash of horrifying).

Then there's the just annoyingly dumb people.  


And then there's all the women that complain about their boyfriends/husbands/partners cheating on them, telling them to get abortions, and just being pretty giant douche waffles in general.  "Not whilst your pregnant"?  Seriously?  I would have gone Lorena Bobbitt on his ass.  Or penis.  You know, whatever.  All the "My partner is an jerk" posts definitely make me appreciate Shawn a heck of a lot more.  (Not that I don't already, of course.  HI, HUSBAND!)

So, who caught that last BYU game?  You know, the one against UCLA where they lost by one point?  Well, Shawn did.  In related news, we need a new coffee table. 


So, I've mentioned we're going to Disneyworld soon, and I'm panicking a little bit about dying of heat while we're there.  I went to Target to try and find something to wear that I'd be comfortable in.  Ever since I started working from home (4.5 years ago), I haven't really done much clothes shopping.  Just a few trips to Ross here and there, nothing special.  So you can imagine my absolute delight when I show up at Target and see a whole section of "palazzo pants" that are apparently a in "style" now.  Apparently "palazzo pants" are pretty much glorified PJs.  Guys, PAJAMA PANTS ARE IN STYLE.  SO MUCH REJOICING.  And since my legs were definitely not made for leggings, it was pretty much my best day, and I bought 3 pairs while I'm there.  I came home and immediately put the pair on that I got for $6 bucks off the clearance rack and model them for Shawn - he's anything but impressed, and calls them "horrendous Aladdin pants".  I don't even care how stupid they are.  They're comfy, breezy, and apparently fashionable.  So, suck it.


Once upon a time, Shawn went to Arby's because, per usual, I was throwing a tantrum about dinner.  He came home 45 minutes later with a little diarrhea for everyone: sandwiches, curly fries, and mozzarella sticks.  I rip into the mozzarella sticks, because yum.  I bite into one, and there's NO CHEESE.  What?  So I try another one and get the same result.  Starting to feel a little lot stabby, I rip all of them open, to find that none of them have cheese.  Arby's sold us fried air.  This being after it took them 900 hours to take Shawn's order and get him the food because they had been flirting with girls instead.  Working in social media, I did what I do best, and I tweeted Arby's about how irritated I was.  (And really, what else is new?  I'm pretty much irritated at something at any given moment these days.  I blame all the estrogen coursing through my body.)  Anyways, fried air and my complaining skills magically poofed into this:  


Wiiiiiin!


Speaking of winning, I bought a pad of these for Shawn and I.  Being the first to apologize has never been my strongest point.  Shawn's always the first one to say sorry, because he's a good person, and I'm a stubborn ass.  But now, apologizing has never been more fun.  Marriage WIN.  (Related: Apparently I become a bear when I'm pregnant and sleeping.  So much snoring.  But that's why I bought Shawn a giant thing of ear plugs when I was pregnant LAST TIME.)



Aaaand Eli just took the world's most underwhelming nap ever and is screaming MOOOOOOOOM.  And I still have to shower.  And it's 5pm.  And I'm still wearing what I wore yesterday.  Which, you guessed it, are my AWESOME ALADDIN PANTS.  Anyways, until next time, yo.